Submissive BDSM Play Partner Checklist
by Tammad Rimilia
This checklist should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play. Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better handle on their specific interests. Switches should go through the checklist twice; one persons Dom and Sub interests may be very different.
For each item, you need to provide two answers:
For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity. Mark N/A if it does not apply to your gender.
For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or Zero to 5.
"?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.
NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.
Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.
Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in the margin to the right. For example under diapers you might wish to distinguish between "wetting" and "soiling".
There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient/target of the activity.
Experience, Willingness Notes & Nuances
yes/no, NO or 0-5
Abrasion
Age play
Anal sex
Anal plugs (small)
Anal plugs (large)
Anal plug (public, under clothes)
Animal roles
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders)
Aromas
Asphyxiation
Auctioned for charity
Ball stretching
Bathroom use control
Beastiality
Beating (soft)
Beating (hard)
Blindfolds
Being serviced (sexual)
Being bitten
Boot worship
Bondage (light)
Bondage (heavy)
Bondage (multi-day)
Bondage (public, under clothing)
Branding
Breast/chest bondage
Breast whipping
Breath control
Brown showers (scat)
Bruises
Cages (locked inside of)
Caning
Castration fantasy
Catheterization
Cattle prod (electrical toy)
Cells/Closets (locked inside of)
Chains
Chamber-pot use
Chastity belts (short term)
Chastity belts (multi-day)
Chauffeuring (driving)
Choking
Chores (domestic service)
Clothespins
Cock rings/straps
Cock worship
Collars (worn in private)
Collars (worn in public)
Competitions (with other Subs)
Corsets (wearing casually)
Corsets (trained waist reduction)
Cross-dressing
Cuffs (leather)
Cuffs (metal)
Cutting
Diapers (wearing)
Diapers (wetting)
Diapers (soiling)
Dilation
Dildoes
Double penetration
Electricity
Enemas (for cleansing)
Enemas (retention/punishment)
Enforced chastity
Erotic dance (for audience)
Examinations (physical)
Exercise (forced/required)
Exhibitionism (friends)
Exhibitionism (strangers)
Eye contact restrictions
Face slapping
Fantasy abandonment
Fantasy rape
Fantasy gang-rape
Fear (being scared)
Fisting (anal)
Fisting (vaginal)
Flame play
Following orders
Food play (cucumbers, sorbet...)
Foot worship
Forced bedwetting
Forced dressing
Forced eating
Forced homosexuality
Forced heterosexuality
Forced masturbation
Forced nudity (private)
Forced nudity (around others)
Forced servitude
Forced smoking
Full head hoods
Gags (cloth)
Gags (inflatable)
Gags (phallic)
Gags (rubber)
Gags (tape)
Gas masks
Gates of Hell (male)
Genital sex
Given away to another Dom (temp)
Given away to another Dom (perm)
Golden showers
Gun play
Hairbrush spankings
Hair pulling
Hand jobs (giving)
Hand jobs (receiving)
Harems (serving w/other subs)
Harnessing (leather)
Harnessing (rope)
Having food chosen for you
Having clothing chosen for you
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus)
Head (recv fellatio/cunnilingus)
High heel wearing
High heel worship
Homage with tongue (non-sexual)
Hoods
Hot oils (on genitals)
Hot waxing
Housework (doing)
Human puppy dog
Humiliation (private)
Humiliation (public)
Hypnotism
Ice cubes
Immobilization
Infantilism
Initiation rites
Injections
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage
Interrogations
Kidnaping
Kneeling
Knife play
Leather clothing
Leather restraints
Lectures for misbehavior
Licking (non-sexual)
Lingerie (wearing)
Manacles & Irons
Manicures (giving)
Massage (giving)
Massage (receiving)
Medical scenes
Modeling for erotic photos
Mouth bits
Mummification
Name change (for scene)
Name change (legal, permanent)
Nipple clamps
Nipple rings (piercings)
Nipple play/"torture"
Nipple weights
Oral/anal play (rimming)
Over-the-knee spanking
Orgasm denial
Orgasm control
Outdoor scenes
Outdoor sex
Pain (mild)
Pain (medium)
Pain (severe)
Persona training (in scene)
Personality modification (RL)
Phone sex (serving Dom)
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends)
Phone sex (commercial provider)
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce)
Piercing (permanent)
Plastic surgery
Prison scenes
Prostitution (public pretense)
Prostitution (actual)
Pony slave
Public exposure
Punishment Scene
Pussy/cock whipping
Pussy worship
Riding crops
Riding the "horse" (crotch torture)
Rituals
Religious scenes
Restrictive rules on behavior
Rubber/latex clothing
Rope body harness
Saran wrapping
Scarification
Scratching - getting
Scratching - giving
Sensory deprivation
Serving
Serving as art
Serving as ashtray
Serving as furniture
Serving as a maid
Serving as toilet (urine)
Serving as toilet (feces)
Serving as waitress/waiter
Serving orally (sexual)
Serving other doms (supervised)
Serving other doms (unsupervised)
Sexual deprivation (short term)
Sexual deprivation (long term)
Shaving (body hair)
Shaving (genital hair)
Shaving (head hair)
Skinny-dipping
Sleep deprivation
Sleepsacks
Slutty clothing (private)
Slutty clothing (public)
Spandex clothing
Spanking
Speech restrictions (when, what)
Speculums (Anal)
Speculums (vaginal)
Spitting
Spreader bars
Standing in corner
Stocks
Straight jackets
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)
Strap-on-dildos (wearing)
Strapping (full body beating)
Suspension (upright)
Suspension (inverted)
Suspension (horizontal)
Supplying new partners for Dom
Swallowing feces
Swallowing semen
Swallowing urine
Swapping (with one other couple)
Swinging (multiple couples)
Tampon Training (in ass)
Tattooing
Teasing
TENS Unit (electrical toy)
Thumbcuffs (metal)
Tickling
Triple penetration
Urethral Sounds (metal rods)
Uniforms
Including others
Vaginal dildo
Verbal humiliation
Vibrator on genitals
Violet Wand (electrical toy)
Voyeurism (watching others)
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)
Video (watching others)
Video (recordings of you)
Water torture
Waxing (hair removal)
Wearing symbolic jewelry
Weight gain (forced)
Weight loss (forced)
Whipping
Wooden paddles
Wrestling
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.
I started in 1996 with a much smaller checklist which I found at the marvelous SFPSE site http://www.sexuality.org/ftpsite.html at The University of Washington, specifically http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/checklst.txt , and then greatly expanded. I hope you find this enlarged version useful. I'm delighted that SFPSE at UW has accepted back my contribution of an intermediate version of my enlarged edition, so my version is now the "standard" one. A little detective-work turned up that the original checklist was written by "Jill M", who has granted me permission to enhance and share it with everyone; I am indebted to her for originating this useful resource.
I have placed this document into the public domain, distribution unlimited. Please feel free to share it with friends, mailing lists, etc. If you make a copy, a link back to this page is always appreciated. The master copy can be found at Tammads Site.
