Dear Civilians: 'We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:
1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem - kick their ass.
2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest - kick their ass.
3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull t hem aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.
4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces,' and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and I will kick your ass.
5. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking.(Children are exempt).
6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military', inform them of their mistake - then kick their ass.
7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her. Of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.
8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief (CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC, regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside
those big important buildings where all those representatives meet; all we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, I will kick you ass!
9.'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying It! If she did, she would most likely be a Vet, and therefore could kick your ass!
10. bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying, 'Let's go kill those Commies'. And stop asking us where he is. Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me - if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their ass!
11. 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army), 'Squid' (Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers' (Coast Guard), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or Vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your ass kicked.
12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Coast Guardsmen, and Airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its 'ass kicked.'
13. If you ever see anyone singing the national anthem in Spanish or any language other than English - KICK THEIR ASS.
