Are you always looking for a new diet. Trouble is that you either don't get enough to eat(starvation diet), any variation(liquid diet) or go broke(all-meat diet). So, people either cheat or quit after 3 days. Now-the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Most two-year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is here for all. Consult your doctor before starting this diet, otherwise you may be seeing him afterward. Good Luck!
DAY 1
Breakfast: A scrambled egg, piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face & clothes.
Lunch: 4 crayons(any color), a handful of potato chips & a glass of milk(3 sips only; spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, 2 pennies & a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime snack: Throw toast on kitchen floor.
DAY 2
Breakfast: Pick up & eat stale toast from kitchen floor. Drink 1/2 bottle of vanilla extract or 1 vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: 1/2 tube of Pulsating Pink lipstick & a handful of Purina Dog Chow. 1 ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Pick up & continue slurping until it's clean. Bring inside & drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
DAY 3
Breakfast: 2 pancakes with lots of syrup, eat 1 with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in it. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on cushion of best chair.
Lunch: 3 matches, pb&j sandwich. Spit several bites on the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Ice cream, potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast: 1/4 tube of toothpaste, some soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk on bowl of cornflakes; add 1/2 cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk & feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat breadcrumbs off kitchen floor & dining room carpet. Find that sucker & finish eating it.
Dinner: Drop spaghetti on back of dog, insert meatball into ear. Dump pudding into Kool-Aid & suck up with a straw.
REPEAT AS NEEDED
