LEIF's blog: "needed in life"

I sit here and think of the past and how a man that i know is my age and has been through hell and survived . A car accident that left him with brain damage oh how is he going to live? Is he going to recover? Will he have a normal life again ? Only time can tell. Life isnt fair!!! Five years later he has beat the imposible odds. H lives a normal life again . He works in society has a good job and found the love of his life. Life is good again Recently Married he travels down an Icy road on his way home from work wanting only to get home to his love when out of nowhere he is struck . Once again another car accident only this time he wont make a full recovery . Never again will he be able to smile at his love or laugh at jokes. Never to go to another family reunion . Or to play with his kids who have yet to be thought of. His life was taked by the one thing that he beat in the past. Life is soooooooooooo unfair !!!!!! Josh Holhouser my cousin my freind you will be missed but you will never be forgotten.

Sitting at a freinds house and the cell phone rings. The person im subleasing with at the other end saying that I needed to move the landlords orders. Ok fine I pack my stuff and get out and move in with my freind (who live in the middle of nowhere). No Internet no real home I'm screwed. So I dissapear because I have to. I Call my g/f about 3 times before i gave up and started thinking she found someone else. Though I thought about her almost everyday. Then I get the call that the apartment I had been wanting was open so I take it. I started to get back on my feet. Couple of months later after I built my computer I get Internet back. First thing I do is go look for her. I find a mutral freind who tells me he hasnt heard from her. Ok she has moved on I suppose. So I look on the bulliten board and see another freind has posted a bulliten to his place so I go check it out. I meet alot of new people there and when he sees me the first thing he asks is "are you going to dj again" I told him i dont know at first. But by the end of the night I was telling him yea ill dj again. Wow Im getting back to the way i was. I'm messing around a couple of days later and she hits me up and tells me she has missed me and all of that. Ok cool we are together and eveything looks good like we are getting back to normal. Then one day I meet this guy and we start being freinds. Then one day sitting around listening to the station when she pops up on yahoo and says that she had found someone else while i was off the net which i kinda thought when she didnt return my phone calls. So I was like ok. Later I edit my name a bit and my friend asked why the name change. Now he knew who I was seeing thought i put that out now. I tell him what happened and he was like I sorry i had know Idea and all that. The next night he ruproposes and rumarries her right infront of me it the lounge i dj in. Needless to say i didnt stick around for the wedding I left the room. I felt disgusted and betrayed. Needless to say my yahoo goes off twice right after i left the room one was my old freind that got me the dj gig and i told him what i thought of it. And the other was a girl that barteends in the lounge asking if I was ok. I tell her what i thought about the whole thing. Me and her start talking more. In the meantime Im ignoring my ex and her new man who I thought was a freind while in the lounge. I wasnt going to start the drama in there. The next day the ex hits me up on yahoo and I go off on her. She trys to bring it into the drama and all i told her was not in the room making her take it back to yahoo. Later that night he shows up and accuses me and my freind of attacking her .well for startes my freind wasnt even there and I was the only one that went off on her. He was trying to blow smoke out his ass. Ok dont see them any more the girl that I had talked to that night and I started talking alot. It was to the point i couldnt stop thinking about her. I eventually asked her out. For about a week we dated if that even and her freinds and some of mine were preasuring to ask her to fumarry me . I thought about it and said ok Ill do it and ofcourse she said yes couple of days later ex sends out a mass yahoo asking who wants to still be on her yahoo and who doesnt. well i sent a message back no comment. Then she tells me she made a mistake and that he was a dirtbag. Needless to say I told her I was happy and goodbye. So now Im sitting here typing this and keep thinking about my soon to be fuwife and how Life has strange turns but has them for a reason. And one last thought If she had met him while I was offline then why did she even bother talking to me againg and acted like she did? guess thats food for thought. SCOOTER BAR !!!!!!!!!!! http://fubar.com/lounge.php?l=9548

Ok I wake up one Sunday morning about 7am my time to do my show not thinking anything of it. Start my show out with my usual sawdust in the blood by Rob Zombie just something to play to start the show. I play a couple of songs and ppl start trinkling in. One person in particular that i had never met before really comes in. Never forget the name she came in as Dark Angel. She heard my voice and that was all that she wrote for her she was drooling and melting lol. After my show we started talking and my heart started racing the more we talked. OMG I never felt like this before. Here I was looking for nothing more than a friend with benefits but I found something I have never felt. My heart is still pounding and all i thing about in the mornings is getting on here to talk to sassyone(as she is now called) and the last thing i want to do when i go to bed is talk to her. Wow these feeling are something i cant ever remember feeling. Today she called after her kids went to school and we talked until she had to go pick them up. I spend more time on the phone now then i did when i was a teenager and i dont mind it one single bit either. The things you find when you aint looking for them .

Well with things that has happened to me in the past two year (a divorce and two failed relationships after that) i figured out what i need. I need a freind with benefits. Relationships dont seem to work for me right now for some reason. Guess thats just my luck lol.