KrAyZiE's blog: "NeEd AnD wAnT"

'They' say: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. First of all, I'd like to discern exactly who it was that came up with this innate morsel of wisdom. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I'd like to challenge its veracity and appropriate application. These sorts of sentiments are not entirely obliging to the assurance of a life well lived. They discourage risk taking. They are undoubtedly a way of placating people into accepting their less than satisfying lots in life. Of course, there are volumes to be spoken in support of choosing to play your moments of chance. However, since we have no one to blame but ourselves for our predicaments, and we are the only ones in them, there comes the occasion to promote ones own interests. I think Im there. It's all well and good to abide by niceties, manners and the like, throughout ones life. To be the shy and retiring type who somewhat resignedly, and with good humour, accepts their fate and whatever additional unpleasantness others so thoughtfully send their way. Speaking from the viewpoint of one officially fed up with fate, it doesn't always matter that it's 'all part of the bigger picture', 'it's for the greater good', or that 'it will all be clear in time'. Essentially, I ask the question; 'what if I died tomorrow?' I ask this because I wonder about regret. I'm rather sure that the matters important to me in the moments before passing aren't going to include my ability to leave relationships skilfully unresolved through my level of detached poise. I'd rather make sure everyone knew exactly where they stood with me today. Some might consider me naieve at times, chiefly due to the fact that I refuse to play games and read nothing beyond actual meaning into what people say. I am adept at omission of feeling. It serves me well; I manage a largely peaceful, undisturbed, life style with little or no inherent conflict. Yet, somehow, I'm not fulfilled by this. It is a lonely, hollow existence in which I am surrounded by many with not one of them attuned to my thoughts. Therefore, I will let go when I'm ready and, furthermore, I'll tell you why. God forbid that someone should actually dislike me for who I actually am rather than my level of decorum. Well, really, no one can forbid it and it doesn't matter. I'll leave that to fate.

Need and want; the difference between love and like. The discrepancy between forever and the next five minutes that I feel like it. To need is apart from desire. It is an emotional and physical imperative for functionality that must, by all and any means, be met. It doesn't alter or wane with the passage of time nor the development of danger. To need is to be vulnerable. If you think about it, there really isn't much one needs in this world. It is perhaps just as well. With a certainty to the bare essentials of food, water and shelter, (by which our existence is assured), one can lead a life relatively unmarked with pain or disruption by not needing beyond these bounds. It is safe to need what is guaranteed to us. Want, however, is without the opportunity for emotional turmoil, the possibility of disappointment or rejection. Thus, want flows with ones whim and fancy. You either get it or you don't and, either way, you've forgotten about it the very moment you find something new. Its effects are immediate, gratifying and short lived. To want is to use to ones advantage; to tailor to ones taste with alternatives. To want is to be in control. To want is be alone. What if you decided you needed someone? There is always the chance that someone might need you back...