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Kat's blog: "My writings...."

created on 05/21/2007  |  http://fubar.com/my-writings/b84614

An understanding

Shadow leans against the tree watching the moon grace the midnight sky. A sense of longing comes forth. To belong? To be loved? To be wanted? All a wish yet a wish that cannot be granted. Not yet. She bows her head down to keep her eyes from revealing too much. She smiles as she feels Hunter's hand onto her face. Leaning into his hand, Shadow actually moves closer to him to be within his arms for being held is what she craves the most. Wrapping her arms around him as he wraps his arms around her to keep her close. Hunter smiles as he senses the emotions for he knows what she craves yet watching her from afar earlier, her spirit glows despite what and how it hurts her. That self doubt of her spirit tears at his soul, pulling her into his body, Hunter gently rubs her back. A soft whisper had spoken while Shadow vanishes from his arms. Hunter knows she had mastered another gift and slowly looks at Mother Earth's green eyes filled with pain. Amber eyes seeking her eyes for the answer and watches Mother Earth opening her hand. A mirror piece with blood. Not Mother Earth's blood, Shadow's blood. Hunter watches the mirror piece speak and sees Shadow cutting her palm again to grieve at what kills her soul. Anger boils within Hunter, Mother Earth touches his arm to keep him with her. Knowing that if he sought Shadow in anger, she will keep herself within her walls. Mother Earth watches Hunter fight the urge to change into his wolf form. Slowly, she reveals where Shadow is to him. The image of Shadow causes him to wonder what can he do. A breeze comes before him carrying the words, "Love her." Hunter gazes at Mother Earth as the breeze leaves him in shock. Seeking to understand the message, he looks at her and wonders how long has she could have known. Mother Earth gently smiles as she watches the confusion on his face, a mother will always know. She touches Hunter's chest to keep him calm and knows her heart is breaking as she senses the grief from Shadow. She sends him to Shadow. Shadow is laying down on the bank, one hand into the river, hurting cause she left Hunter so quickly and didn't realize that she mastered another gift. Shadow watches the current flow and hopes that she will know that love can be real yet she also wants to be forgotten. To never exist is not her wish. Just forgotten in the manner of the pain she has known. Only her fingertips are in the river, she smiles at the feel of the water. She lets her guard down and doesn't sense Hunter in the area. Her hand still bleeding into the river, Shadow starts to wonder why things are too good to be true. Wonders if she should really keep the walls up forever. Shadow watches the blood flow, red as the sunset fall into a crystal blue river. Quickly, she pulls her hand out hating that she ruined another beautiful thing with her pain. Slowly sitting up, Shadow put back on the bandage and watches the blood flow away from her. Lonliness. A concept that is always with her. Cold. Her body aches from being cold. Warmth is denied to her at all times. Drawing her knees to her chest, Shadow gazes at the forest with a heavy heart. Too many losses. Too many broken promises. Most of all, too many false aspects of love. Shadow bows her head to her knees to ignore all beauty. She doesn't deserve to see this beauty. Her walls form around her, slowly the branches with thorns and blood encase her within. Hunter watches Shadow's walls builds and struggles on how to reach her. He swore to love and protect her. However, as he learns to see the broken heart she has and comes to love her more than ever. Gentle yet, broken like her shattered pieces. He sees a tear caress her face. So many tears have caressed her face yets it breaks him. Leaning against the walls, he watches her keep her face hidden. Silently he breaks through her walls, standing behind her. Hunter tugs on her hair gently and smiles as she looks up at him. Her eyes convey so much, Hunter wonders how could anyone not read her eyes for they tell so much. At this very moment, brown eyes speak of a hope for love, Hunter places his hand on her face gently caressing it. So wet from her tears. He sits next to Shadow and reaches for her injured hand. Hating that she sliced her palm to grieve from the pain within her heart. Shadow looks at Hunter and sees the concern. She moves closer as he moves his arm around her. Shadow leans against his chest to rest. So tired from guarding the one part of her that aches from constant reminder of why she broke the mirror. Closing her eyes, she feels Hunter brushing his thumb on her chin. To truly smile at the simple gesture and knows he meant it. Hunter scans the river of memories yet it shows no memories, just the image of Shadow smiling as he caresses her face. Hunter sees Shadows open her eyes slowly. Brown eyes, for once, not filled with pain yet she half closes them thinking she is keeping her secret. Hunter keeps his eyes blank yet is excited to sense something different for once. Shadow moves away, slowly to sit up on her knees so she can look at Hunter face to face, staring at his amber eyes to read whatever they may say. Hunter reveals everything to her. Shadow bows her head down, confused at what she saw. Instantly she thinks she is not worth the love he has for her, not worthy of anything at all. Hunter pulls her chin up for he senses the change of her thoughts and his anger is displayed. Predator eyes willing to destroy anything to keep her from finishing that thought. Eyes downcast, Shadow looks at Hunter's palm seeing her arrow. Last time she seen her arrow, she had buried it within Mother Earth. Struggling with the thought of Hunter possessing it makes her wonder of him being who he is to her. Hunter senses the struggle within her, placing his hands on her face to keep her calm. He brushes his thumb over her bottom lip, a gesture so simple and so gentle that Shadow doesn't know why he even feel that way for her. Starting to doubt herself again, she looks at him once more and sees a rage in his eyes. She quickly closes her eyes as he places a kiss on her forehead. Mother Earth comes forth and gently touches Shadow's head, needing to speak to her and to comfort her in a confusing time. Shadow looks at Hunter and gently touches his face as she starts to get up. He grabs her hand and places a kiss on her wrist. A simple act. Simple enough to make her stare at him with doubts. Mother Earth smiles at Hunter then looks at those majestic brown eyes riddled with pain. Walking away from Hunter, they come to a spot to rest. Shadow slowly sits on the log carefully keeping her emotions in check. Not wanting to destoy Mother Earth with her pain for everything seems to die if she unleash it. So Shadow rather hide it than harm those she cares about. Looking up, Shadow sees the void and senses its goal to destroy. Mother Earth touches Shadow's face gently and truly love the determination in those brown eyes. Silver light up the forest yet Mother Earth knows it will take time to heal Shadow. She hears the pieces call to Shadow. Looking over at her, Mother Earth sees that she wants to put the pieces back just not ready to. She watches Shadow close her eyes to keep the betrayal hidden and runs her hand over her hip. She knows she created a warrior's heart in that gentle soul that has been destroyed over and over. Loved by many, respected by a few yet Mother Earth knows that Shadow rather be forgotten. Forgotten in the manner of the humilation she had suffered by the act that had harmed her, destroyed her. She senses Shadow hiding the pain from the scar. A deep reminder that her trust is gained by a few yet it is a reminder that keeps her humble of knowing she fought to stay alive. Alive to be shunned by those who she thought were her friends and to have some family turn their backs on her when she needed them. So yes, Mother Earth cries for her daughter. She reaches to touch Shadow's face once more.Silky skin wet with tears for a gentle touch is not always known to Shadow. Shadow leans her face into Mother Earth's palm knowing she cries for her. A mother who will always shed tears for her daughter for she knows words can't express the pain within her heart. Shadow looks at those green eyes that speak of hope for her and most of all, love. Shadow reaches for Mother Earth's hand, squeezes it and gets up to walk away. Mother Earth watches Shadow walk towards the moonlight path, feeling the turmoil in her daughter's heart. She watches her stop to touch Hunter's face and also walks away from him. Mother Earth watches Hunter grab Shadow to him and sees him silently whispering words to Shadow then lets her go. Hunter emerges back to his wolf form to follow quietly. He refused to leave her for so many had left her when she needed someone. Shadow stops to gaze at Hunter begging him to turn back to human form. He turns back. She holds her injured hand up, he grabs it gently while bringing his other hand to her face to comfort. He senses the pain and knows she fighting through the memory. Shadow closes her eyes for she wants to know a gentle touch instead of violence for once. Mother Earth brings them to her so she can help her daughter survive for that pain causes her to shut everyone out again. Betrayal and humilation, Shadow never wants anyone to go through yet she leaves Mother Earth and Hunter again for it was too much. To know someone cares for her. To know someone loves her. To know someone doesn't mind the scars on her. Disbelief. Alone, she rather be and to protect those she loves, Shadow's walls encase her to keep the pain within and not destroy those she love. An understanding that if she lets the pain raidate, she will destry everything she touches and sees. An understanding that if she lets anyone in, they in time will also turn their backs on her...something she cannot ever go through again. Shadow slowly looks at the two people who have always been there with her hurting that she had to leave them once more but not ready to reveal the violence to them. Looking up at the moon, Shadow slowly walks into the dark forest with blood dripping from her hand so Hunter can track her. She sits down on the soft green grass stained with blood silently wondering if Hunter truly meant his actions. The void is not far from her begging her to listen to the words it has to say. Shadow refuses. She puts her face to her knees so she can cry in the dark. Could someone truly love her for her scars? Could someone love her even though she lost her soul along the way? Guide her to complete the mirror to her soul and maybe shine once more? Hunter follows the trail of blood and sees the glow once more. Her glow. Shadow's very heart shines despite being betrayed and humilated. A heart so giving yet it kills her everytime she denied the chance to feel. Quietly he comes near her, those intake of breaths she makes by trying to keep silent dampers the rage within. His amber eyes looks over her frame noticing her face is hidden from him. Black with red streaks hair truly hides her away, gently he pulls back some of her hair so he could wipe away those tears. Shadow looks at him the quickly closes her eyes, the pain of everything that hurts: her grandmother's death, loss of a childhood friend, the betrayals, the humilations, and most of all a broken heart echos in her brown eyes. Trying to pull away from him, Shadow struggles to keep her eyes close, however Hunter does something she never expected. Makes her see from his view of what kills him. Stopping in her movements to get away, she touches his chest with her injured hand and truly gazes into those amber eyes. A gentle breeze caresses them both and whisphers comforting words to both. The breeze whispers to Hunter, "She does love you yet is afraid. Help her." Shadow's words were "He has never betrayed you. Never left your side. His touch will never greet you in violence. Deny him, you're letting that void remain. See his pain? He has kept that from you to help you heal and he needs to heal too. Help him." The breeze graces Shadow once more leaving behind a kiss on her cheek. Shadow lets Hunter gather her into his arms for seeing his pain mirrors her own made her understand that those who love her will always remain. Those who respect her will accept her decisions. Those who have shunned her have lost knowing the great things she has done. Little things to her however they were the greatest gift one had ever recieved. Shadow tries to wipe the blood off of Hunter, he stops her hand and holds it. Her blood will always bind her to him. Cradling her close to him, Hunter slowly lays on his back holding her on his chest. Rest is what they both need while for once they reach an understanding of what binds them together. Two broken souls seeking sleep. Two broken souls become one upon this understanding.
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