I was awaken by a big bang this morning that really upset me because I was very tired.
So I got out of bed and went to get dressed. As soon as I was dressed, I did the usual reach for my smokes.
But when I opened the box, I seen that all my smokes were multiple colors of the rainbow. At this time I was completely confused by this.
Either I'm still drunk from the night before, or somebody replaced my smokes with a box of fucking crayons. Anyway on with my morning routine, I grabbed one and smoked it. Being that I was extremely hungry, I began my journey to kitchen. On my way into the kitchen I see a chicken sitting at my table with a plate
of scrambled eggs and some toast. So far that was the only thing normal about this morning. I went to my fridge to grab me a cold pepsi, but, when I
opened the door I found a box of mountain dew instead. Being completely enraged that some how my pepsi was replaced with this disgusting liquid, I decided to pull the box out of the fridge and torcher the mountain dew. I stuck each can inside the microwave and set it to max power for 30 minutes. While I stare through the window of the microwave, I begin to laugh in a maniacal manor as I scream every cuss word I can think of in 15 different languages at the mountain dew. I left them their to suffer and BURN!
Now it was about time for me join the chicken for breakfast. I grabbed my left over KFC from the fridge and sat down across from him. "Four jars of apple sauce stopped by wanting to talk to you this morning while you were sleeping and told me you owed them 145 dollars", said the chicken. Raising an eyebrow, "Did you eat them and shit their remains back into their jars?, I asked. The chicken laughed and continued to eat his scrambled eggs. At this moment I heard another loud bang. Similar to the one that woke me up. I put my hat and shoes on and ventured outside. What I saw was really odd, there were two 747's that had crash landed in my front yard. Now thinking about how this could have happened with two planes was beyond me so I proceeded to brainstorm. Either they were playing follow the leader, or me making fun of the towel heads pissed them off. But they both missed my house, so I laughed and shit in their lunch boxes.
On with my day, I decide to puff a blunt and relax in the shade. Well, while I was lookin for a spot to relax while I was high, I tripped over a rock. Next thing I know I'm talkin to my tennis shoes, talk me into walkin to the high school. I run in and bash into the girls locker room and yell, "Breast inspector, whos chest needs Bras!?". Chicks lookin distressed, beggin me to stop. In two minutes or less, I'm arrested by three cops, thats the last time I listen to my reeboks. Chillin in my cell, I await my phone call. Before I know it, my friend Jessica shows up to my cage and bailed me out. Finaly out on the road, cruisin down main street. I saw five turkey sandwhiches and porno magazine layin in the street. I screamed for Jessica to stop the car. Pulled over and hopped out and was angered at the magazine. It turned out to be a magazine about Ultra Large Mechanical Tampons, so I grabbed a few sandwhiches instead and took a bite out of one while I urinated on a homeless person.
So, I finally return back to my house and walk in the door. When I entered, there were the four jars of Applesauce sittin in my living room, the chicken I met this morning was nowhere to be found. I asked what they were here for. They told me I owed them 145 dollars. Being quite infurated I screamed silently out loud in rage at them and they threatened to kill me with home made apple grenades. I quickly turned around
and held my head in my hands and caught the grenades in my ass. I proceeded to bend over and launched the apple grenades through the window and into my neighbors home causing an extreme explosion. I grabbed the four asshole jars of applesauce and chained them to the wall. I forced them to watch me beat one another with banana peels as I laughed chaoticly with glee. After a short while I became bored and hungry so I just stabbed them with spoons and ate them.
Too Be Continued :)
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