365832's blog: "My Thoughts!!!"

The lyrics of this song is my idea of the perfect man for me...if only that man could find me! where are you my love???? Savage Garden - Crash n' Burn

I see you watching me, Focused, determined, meticulously. Taking in every word, every small movement. Eyes so big, so beautiful, watching me. I see you practice and practice, Determined to mimic every sound, every syllable, every word, every jesture I make. I see you looking up to me with adoring eyes, So full of love, tenderness, such pure untouched innocence. I look into your eyes and see you wanting to be so much like me. It fills me with awe and wonderment That such a beautiful little person would so desire to portray someone like me. It sends fear into my heart, that one day, I will fail to be the right kind of person you need. I fear that I may make bad judgements and decisions, which may lead you astray from you true life path. I fear I will disappoint you and in turn you will lose that look of love in your eyes when.... I see you watching me. Paulette ~10-28-07~

My Friend, The greetings you send always bring a smile, It let's me know that at some point during your day, you thought about me for awhile. Your words always touches my heart, And at times they go deeper to speak to my soul. It's been said we have only one true soulmate, But I beg to differ, I think more than a few kinders to my soul. Lasting thru this short time that is alotted to my life. So dear friend, keep sending your words of love to shine on this heart of mine. Your words of wisdom that reaches to the darkest corner of my soul. Your words of comfort that envelops me in the warmest sensational hugs. Your words of sympathy that always gives me your shoulder to catch my tears that fall. Your words of joy that always brings forth such wonderful laughter that we can share. Your words mean so much more than you know. I shall return the favor as best I can my friend. Hoping my words can do the same to your heart and soul. Light and Love Always, Paulette written ~9-6-07~

You say you hate me, old enemy of mine, But where did your passionate hatred for me come from? Did you at one time actually love me? Was your love not returned to you? The roots of hate start with love. Along the path that love turns ugly, It becomes envy, jealousy, anger,spite, Until one sees nothing before them, Except this blinding hatred. One day along our path in this life, Our journey will come to an end. The fog of hate will clear so that love shines again. A little to late do we see our mistakes, A little to late do we see the time wasted, A little to late do we see the love that could have been ours. Time waits for NO ONE, my friend. Open your eyes, open your heart, Love Awaits. written by Paulette ~8-8-2007~

When darkness surrounds my soul and my heart is covered with endless fog, I see the light of your love break through all the darkness that is so thick around me. I follow your light as you lead me through the fog that is so thick and heavy as it presses so hard against my heart. But that weight is lifted from me as your light finally breaks through and completely surrounds me. Then your light becomes too bright, too warm. I start to panic. After a few moments I realize you have placed the armor of your love around me. Still I fight and struggle, trying so hard to find holes, flaws, rusted spots in this perfect armor that you have given so freely to me. Nothing could possibly be this good, this true. I see your patience, but how long will it last? I feel myself starting to grow, struggling with each growth pain that comes to my spirit. Then I see the many ugly jagged thorns that came with my very small growth spurt. They prick and hurt you so much. I wonder, will you grow tired of my thorns? Will you give up on ever seeing the beautiful flower you so desire inside of me come to full bloom? Will you eventually toss me to the wayside of this life and forget me? I have long realized that time waits for no one in this life, least of all me. I also know that only time will answer all my questions, good or bad, and so shall my future with you be shaped. Time has come and gone for us now, you have moved on set in your path, and I have been lefted behind to wonder, will you remember me from time to time? Deep in my heart I shall always love you and remember the glorious love through the pain, I shall always remember you. I love you. Written by Paulette ~February 2007~

Is today the day? Will this be the day I receive the news that my life will take a new direction? Will I start walking the path that most women fear? Is this the day I will become intimate with sickness? Will death be much closer to me now? As I sit in a room, waiting for the news, I ponder so many dark things of this world. How sick will I be? How much pain will I experience and endure? how will my loved ones take the news? Will they be strong or turn from me with sadness and despair? Will they hold me close when I need human touch? Will they be stronger than me in my moments of weakness? Will I have to pretend to be strong for them just so the can handle the devastation they will see happen to my body? Will the Goddess guide me thru these dark days to the path of beauty that I have yet to see? Will she open the dark shades of my eyes to see the beauty that has been all around me since my birth? Will the memories that I leave behind bring joy or sadness to those that were in my life? I ponder as I sit and wait... Is today the day? Written by Paulette ~06-17-2007

Rage such a strong, overpowering emotion, It takes hold of you and takes nothing less than complete control, Pours over you and seeps into every crevice of your soul. Rage destroys every thing it touchs, It festers, grows, so overpowering, Then it hardens in your soul, To stay there forevermore. Will someone with enough love come along to break the stone that surrounds my soul? Can it be broken? Is love strong enough to bring me out of this world of darkness that Rage has sent me to? Written by Paulette 5-28-07

My heart grieves for your lost love, My heart grieves for your smile, My heart grieves for your delicate touch, My heart grieves for the compassionate side of you, My heart grieves for the thoughtfulness you put into my life, My heart grieves for the emptiness I feel since you been gone. My heart grieves for the need you felt to give me pain, My heart grieves for the humility you chose to put me thru, My heart grieves that I can’t show you how much you are worth, My heart grieves for the darkness that is in you, My heart grieves for the vicious nature you tend to show often, My heart grieves for the deception you have dealt, My heart grieves for the other side of you that I can’t live with. My heart grieves for our lost love, My heart grieves for YOU. Written by Paulette ~09-04-2006~

I search desperately for the key The key that unlocks the inner me Have u seen the key? I wring my hands in despair I can’t find it anywhere I ponder for a few minutes Just what is that inner me? I look long and hard And think I see just a glimpse Of a small light or maybe it’s just a spark Then it all fades to dark The depth of darkness is so real It’s the different shades of light that seems so unreal If I found the key to unlock my inner self Would what I find bring me joy or peace? Or would I sink further into darkness and despair? As I ponder the choice of unlocking and freeing my inner self I speed the search for that special key Even in my uncertainty I need to find the key The key that unlocks the inner me Written by ~Paulette~ 4-28-2007

My Poem Now I lay me down to sleep, I feel the need to weep. Success seems to grow all around me, Just outside my grasp it always seems to be. A new day shall break at dawn, And I shall find I'm still life's little pawn. To be played at someone elses will, When will the day come when I've had my fill? I just seem to go on and on, As another day shall turn back into dawn. Written by Paulette ~4-9-98