Innocence Lost's blog: "My Thoughts"

I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think it's time for me to let go... It just seems pretty silly to hang onto something that's one-sided, ya know? I'll always be here if you ever need a friend Your feelings for me were just lies, over before they began. We had a few times that were really nice I admit but any other time seems to habe been meaningless shit! Finding closure in the peaceful scene Searching... I think I finally found me I can't hold on knowing I'm gonna get hurt; so I'm gonna leave the memories here buried in the dirt

Can't seem to get you off my mind Imagining your face between my thighs. The way you make me scream out your name bringing me to the point of extacy with such pleasurable pain. I let you do things that have NEVER been done before Obeying every command I am YOUR whore! Give me an order I'm eager to please Snap your fingers I'll be on my knees. Your every desire shall be fufilled as your slave it had become my will. Just say the word and it will be done cause submitting to you is so much fun!

The more time I spend with you it seems the harded in love I fall and I'm not sure that's a good thing Not so sure at all... I look into your eyes and try to feel what's in your soul Sitting here with you... Wishing I could make you whole. If it's a shoulder you need to cry on you know that mine is yours I'll give you my everything Ingesting every word I'd cut my heart out just for you if it would somehow ease your pain I'd trade you my happiness for all your guilt and shame. I know you've been through some shit baby I wish I could make it all go away Just have some faith Trust in me and it'll get better with each passing day

Something's wrong but I don't know what. I can't snap out of it what the fuck? My mind is racing and I can't concentrate. Can I catch up or is it too late? So much is going on but nothing's going right. How do you live when you just wanna give up the fight? I have no urge to carry on. Fighting back tears, I have no one. Never knowing love,'cause people are fake...has taken it's toll fillling my heart with hate. They say deal with the hand that you've been given...that very thought makes me shiver. So what do you do when you have nothing left? Sit and impatiently await oyur death!!

Feeling lost I have no one; wondering around this world with no purpose. Numb, scared of everything. Allowing myself no pleasure. Why should I? A barrier I don't want broken. My security My safety Who am I? All used up Every attempt to free myself DENIED! WHY? Why do I wake up? Just let me go. I won't be sadly missed, just another numbered tombstone. Boken mind Fake smiles Everyone lies I wanna die; be set free PLEASE LORD, COME TAKE ME

F orever you said you'd love me U ntil the end of time C aring...you NEVER did K arma's a bitch kid Y ou NEVER loved me O nly U sed me

L ike a scaple O n my V veins E asing all my pain H anging on by a thread U ntil the day I'm dead R eleaseing me from T his life S ay you'll come tonight

A ll along S pinning a web S pitting lies H aving fun O n my time L eaving me feeling dead E ventually you'll get yours my friend

Searching for right, finding only wrong. Watching myself fade away 'cause I don't feel like holding on. I have no will to keep going, wanting only death. Having lived a life knowing nothing but regret. I see myself plunging off the highest cliff or maybe I'll just take a bath after I slit my wrist. Fuck emotions! I don't feel no more. Yearning for the darkness on the other side of the door. I pray my time is coming I've waited long enough. Treading in these waters, so choppy and too rough

He says he loves me, looks me right in my eyes. I try not to let him see that I know it's just a fucking lie. I let him walk right in my heart; let my guard down. Thinking maybe this would be a new start. Here we sit...no spoken sound. Broken promise of no pain. It's all good though. I'll find my way. Sitting here remembering an okay week. Pain in heart has brought me to my knees. You acted as if you cared and I knew it wasn't true. I'll hurt for a minute maybe a tear or two . Just so you know, I'll always be your friend. I'll be here for you until the bitter end. I pray for you, the ease of pain; hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.