V ld's blog: "My stuff....."

Your baby blues So full of wonder Your Curly Que's Your contagious smile And as I watch You start to grow up All I can do is hold you tight Knowing Clouds will rage in Storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms Story books Are full of fairy-tales Of kings and queens And the bluest skies My heart is torn just in knowing You'll someday see The truth for lies Clouds will rage in Storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms Castles they might crumble Dreams may not come true Cause you are never all alone Cause I will always Always love you Hey I Hey I Will love you Clouds will rage in Storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms In my arms

Its been a long day and all I’ve got to say is make it strong Its been a long a day and all I’ve got to say is I’ve been wrong So take a leave of absence, tell me you’ll be gone, I don’t want to see your face. Its been a long day and I just wanna hide away Its been a long week and all the lines come down heavy on me Its been a long week I’m finally feeling like its ok to break Into a thousand pieces, no one can replace, only I can find my way. It’s been a long day and I just wanna hide away It’s been a long year and everyone around me disappeared It’s been a long year and all this mess around me is finally clear So can I have a moment? Just to say hello. Can you let your anger go? It’s been a long year and I’m finally ready to be here.

Though i'm young and cynical That's not my only crime I've been stealing all your cigarettes To save another dime In case you haven't noticed i just gave them all away Tell me what do you think of me now That i've traded all my armor for a crown Come on what do you do with me now That i've taken down the mirror on the wall And the sweet rain is ready to fall Giving it up for you Well i take a lot of medicine I don't really need I was drinking at eleven Getting high at seventeen So now i don't appreciate the taste of expensive bitter wine Tell me what do you think of me now That i've traded all my armor for a crown Come on what do you do with me now That i've taken down the mirror on the wall And the sweet rain is ready to fall Giving it up for you Take your aim like artemis And kill another dove But when your heart becomes a hunter You may wound your chance to love

Someone tell me what to do I feel like I must be a fool For ending up right back at the start The things that we don't comprehend Are laughing at my mind again I think that I think too hard And I don't give enough credit to my heart I'm so Damn curious to know And there are too Many unanswered questions Then we hold on to I've put my theories to the test You know I've tried to do my best But maybe we weren't meant to strike gold Sometimes things that you ignore Are all the things I'm looking for Will I learn to let go Give into love and listen to my soul I'm so Damn curious to know And there are too Many unanswered questions Then we hold on to Portraits of your loved ones Are more than what you see All the elements they capture Are more to you than me A different dimension we've yet to define There's a forest to cut through with thorns and vines There is no reason to try

Feeling like I can't forgive, but I want to it's like I don't know how to live, I’m afraid to I used to think take them as they come, without hesitations, no now it's like my head is filled with lies, and persuasions as the sun begins to fall I hear her calling out to me she's sayin' hurry it's one more day gone what I wouldn't give just to forget so I can remember how to live again I wanna live again I am feeling dissonant, and distracted the toxic chemicals are spilling in my head and they're bleeding deadly reactions and as the moon begins to rise he shows me all the colors that I’m hiding I’m hiding myself what I wouldn't give just to forget what I wouldn't give to get some rest so I can remember how to live again I wanna live again am I desperately losing this fight when I should really be choosing my flight take me now what I wouldn't give just to forget what I wouldn't give to get some rest so I can remember how to live again I wanna live again what I wouldn't give just to forget what I wouldn't give to get some rest what I wouldn't give just to forget so I can remember how to live

Lying is a bad thing to do. Naturally, I endorse it wholeheartedly. I'm evil, remember? I have always found it fascinating, the double-standard we have, that "lying is wrong," yet not only is it often condoned, it is even required of us every day. Don't blame a prank you did on a classmate, but when grandma gives you the fifth woolen sweater this Christmas, smile and tell her you love it. Don't keep your wife in the dark about who you're really "going bowling" with, but tell her that dress does not in fact make her look fat, even if she's the envy of a hippopotamus. You get the idea. When we lie in order to protect ourselves from social disapproval, it is called politeness. We mask our real thoughts, feelings, and intentions behind honeyed words and false smiles. When we lie to protect ourselves from any other kind of problem, it is called dishonesty. See the hypocrisy? The most ironic thing of all is that one of the Ten Commandments, "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor," is perpetually used as a weapon against any kind of lie, conveniently ignoring the second half of the sentence: ...Against thy neighbor. Apparently, bearing false witness (i.e. lying) is perfectly fine by Moses' standards so long as you aren't doing it to hurt another person. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure there are other places in the Bible that say lying in any form is wrong. I'm just pointing out the irony, hypocrisy and simple-mindedness so often found in our culture. The real issue of lying, like most issues, is far more complicated than black and white. And of course, evil folk like me can ignore the difference altogether and lie all we want. So, who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? GEORGE BUSH!!! Hehehe Sica

The other day I realized I am a walking oxymoron. Or paradox. Either works; the point is I'm something that's not supposed to exist. I make no sense. The reason for this? I'm a borderline perfectionist. Think about it. A perfectionist is someone for whom everything must be exactly right and in its proper order. A borderline case is when some symptoms of a disorder appear, but not enough to be a "real" instance of it. [Note: Not to be confused with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm using borderline in the non-clinical sense.] A borderline perfectionist is someone whose perfectionism isn't entirely there, but it's kind of there. My own perfectionism isn't perfect. I tend to be perfectionist only in cases where it is both irrelevant and unwarranted. But when it comes to something that actually matters, I blow it off and do a half-baked job. And it's not just a question of confused priorities; my perfectionism emerges in places I never really intend it to. Things that will trigger it: 1. Writing down words. As is obvious from a cursory glance of this diary, I am meticulous about spelling. I have no clue why; much of the time I could afford to use abbreviations or alternate spellings without issue. Yet even when attempting to write quickly I constantly write out every word in full, including numbers and even smilies. 2. Image editing. I love using Adobe PhotoShop (see, I spelled out the full brand name! Perfectionism again!), but have a bizarre compulsion to make every pixel exactly right. Including details I know will be unnoticeable in the final result. It's caused me to literally spend hours on stupid details like what hues coordinate, but on a positive note the quest for perfection has made me a total whiz at making great pictures. 3. Lining things up on a desk. Pens and pencils must fall exactly parallel to the side of the desk. Textbooks are shoved neatly to the far upper-left corner, never to the right. Trash is stacked in a neat pile until an opportunity to dispose of it arrives. Scissors and anything else are kept hidden in a bag or backpack to avoid "clutter" when not in use. 4. If I am in a room with a door, that door must be either completely closed or wide open at all times when not in use. Doors that are mostly closed but not shut, or slightly open, will not do. Things that will not trigger it: 1. Keeping a tidy room. 70% of everything in my room is junk, and I am honestly scared to clean up part of my closet. I bet there's fossils from the Precambrian period in there, along with half of Tibet and a cricket refugee camp. 2. Looking good in public. So long as I'm clean, decently dressed, and don't look like something out of Barnum and Bailey's, I'm good to go. I am too lazy to put on make-up or style my hair (which still is presentable- thanks, curls! I comb it in the shower instead.) Like I said...My too-mild-to-get-welfare-on perfectionist tendencies show up in the strangest, most useless places. I'm counting my blessings I don't have a mental disorder that can actually interfere with my life, except perhaps being Evil, but I'm quite content to be the antagonist, so that's alright then. One of the nice things about being Evil is that it's very, very easy to live with. Anyway, I'm going back to procrastinating on that English project I've been assigned by Randy!! Sica

Some people prefer cats to dogs and some are the other way around. Some people are like cats while others are like dogs. The differences are fascinating when you start to think about it. Cats are independent, sometimes moody, can be loving but rarely towards everybody, and pretty hard to train. They do what they want, more or less, and you can't get rid of their behaviors like scratching furniture; you can only attempt to convince them to satisfy their needs in a less destructive manner (i.e. with a scratching post). Cats will be quite happy, left to themselves, and don't really care about approval from anybody else. Dogs are the opposite. They need companionship and attention and approval from whoever they live with. They'll bend over backwards six times sideways to do tricks for you and do whatever you want them to. They tend to be friendlier than cats, at least if raised well. Dogs are the epitome of a social animal, surpassing even humans in their need for companionship and family. *dons the "armchair psychoanalyst" hat* I find that most people can be considered Cats or Dogs. A few people I've known have been right in the middle, but they're quite rare and often feel conflicted between the two sides. No prizes for guessing that I'm 95% Cat...The 5% dog is my frequent desire to impress and amaze authority figures I know, though that is mostly just to see the looks on their faces, and is rarely synonymous with "doing exactly what they want me to do." Dogs are far, far more common that Cats among the human population, I'd reckon 90-98%, though the Internet has a larger Cat percentage (for now). This should come as no surprise, as society requires a serious cooperative mentality in order to maintain itself, and Cats are more individualistic than Dogs. Not to say that there's anything wrong with being a Dog or Cat. Dogs often have an easier time being socially accepted, working with others and making friends, while Cats tend to be more self-reliant, original, and independent. When you think about evolutionary history, it all makes a lot more sense: Historically, felines have always been solitary predators. Lions are the only ones that hunt together. Canines such as wolves, on the other hand, work in packs that act as a team. Teamwork allows a pack to get more and bigger prey than a solitary hunter, but hunting alone gives an individual hunter a bigger share or each meal. And there's the fundamental difference between "good" and "evil" in society: Cooperation, like dogs, helps everyone more than if each of us worked alone, and is at the core of being "good." Individualism, like cats, means getting a bigger share for yourself but not necessarily helping others, and is frequently identified with "evil." This does not mean Cat people are evil and Dog people are just. It is entirely possible to have a malicious and spiteful Dog, or a kind and pacifistic Cat. I am merely making extremely broad generalizations of archetypes, not individuals, and comparing those archetypes to modern sociological attitudes. Though in movies, the frequency of evil masterminds stroking white Persians while the hero plays with his dog has gotten so bad it's an official cliche. So what are you? Would you consider yourself a Dog, Cat, or in-between? Or maybe something else entirely? (Iguana? Opossum? Platypus?) I'd be interested to hear your opinions.

As a die-hard materialist, I am quite fond of the impact consumerism has had on society. It gives intelligent people the chance to improve their means while idiots cause their own destruction. You can squirrel away funds in a savings account or max out your credit cards; you can pay your bills or go into debt. You are the master of your fate by way of how you handle your finances, and whether you rise to the top or declare bankruptcy is entirely your responsibility. Or at least, ideally it would be. The US is remarkably good in this regard, but imperfect. In many places it is still very difficult for hardworking, determined, worthy individuals to achieve their dreams due to poverty or discrimination. I find this tragic, not out of sympathy, but because it could be holding back some of the greatest and most amazing people of our time from making history. Jacobean economics teaches us that it is small businesses trying to find a foothold in the market that are the most innovative and contribute the most; why should that not also apply to individuals finding a foothold in society? An important distinction to make here is that I do not advocate charity. I recommend giving everyone the chance to prove themselves by giving them everything they need to improve their situation. But improving the plight of the poor for them will not permanently alleviate the issue, and if the money or gifts run out, many poor families will be right back where they started. I shall illustrate with an example from Africa. Counterintuitively, sending east African nations like Ethiopia and Sudan food packages can actually make the situation worse: If free food comes from outside, local farmers will lose their customer base and be unable to support themselves, ultimately harming the economy. If more food packages are sent to help the farmers, they will no longer have any reason to work, and their product will deteriorate. When the food packages run out, everyone will turn to the farmers for food, but the farmers won't have any either, and a famine will ensue--worse than before, in fact, because prior to the food packages at least the farmers had food, but now no one does. Quite a few places in Africa have suffered from food packages in this way. The ultimate result is that the area's entire economy becomes dependent on the generosity of foreign nations without ever being able to give anything back. Nasty! Closer to home, simply handing out money to people below the poverty line may alleviate the problem, but only temporarily, and it's easy for dishonest people to take advantage of the system. At 8% of the national budget, it's nowhere near as dollar-sucking as Medicaid, Social Security, Defense, or our own national debt, but $116 billion dollars is nothing to sneeze at, and the process can always be improved. What could help? Turn handouts into jobs. The government has money, poor people don't, and nearly everybody agrees that the country could do with A Good Cleaning-- and More Community Service--. Put three and three together, and you get the government paying poor people to help make our country a beautiful place! Everybody benefits! You could pay people to work at charities like the Salvation Army or Red Cross or Habitat for Humanity, the latter case also solving the problem of decent housing for the homeless into the bargain. It would even give the workers good working experience that could help them get jobs in the private sector later. This also handily solves the (quite baseless) accusations of "welfare queens" from conservatives, because it would be honest pay for honest work. In fact, this strategy was put to use by Franklin Roosevelt during the Great Depression. It was called the New Deal, and was successful enough to propel Roosevelt in four consecutive terms of office, 1933-1945. (He died early on during the fourth, which is why it's only twelve years.) It worked then; why not now?

Most people, when they wake up, don't have to wonder whether they'll have straight, curly, or wavy hair that day. Guess who does? After two months of research and experimenting (yeah, I'm vain, I know), I can quite confidently say that my hair is not the follicle equivalent of Satan, it is only the follicle equivalent of diversity gone horribly wrong. I can pick out three locks of hair right next to each other, and one will be a tight ringlet, one will be wavy, and the third will be straight as an X-axis on a Cartesian plane. What's more, the curly hair varies between curly or wavy at random, and the wavy hair will be wavy, curly or straight on any given day. Fortunately, a bit of Internet research goes a long way, so that for the first time since fourth grade my hair is actually looking great again. I didn't even know I had curly hair until I tried experimenting with my routine a bit. I've also finally found a couple hairstyles that go well with my hair and with my personality. Finally, I've learned to work with my hair instead of fight it (I once claimed it had formed an independent state, the "Commune of Hairis"), and in return, it's not giving me as much trouble as it used to. In analogy notation, My hair :: me :::: I am :: authority. In other news, curly and wavy hair is more complicated to care for properly than straight hair. For ideal results, you actually have to learn what silicones, humectants, and sulphates are and how they affect hair. You have to actually read and understand the ingredients labels on your hair products. And there are very specific points about daily routine that can affect how your hair looks and how manageable it is. Straight-haired people have it easy. (Tip: A good website to learn about curly and wavy hair, and the maintenance thereof, is NaturallyCurly.com.) However, all the daily time and effort required total are way less than the time many women spend on make-up every day. I can't stand wearing make-up, especially around the eyes, so it's fortunate most of my features are nicely visible without it. I can't imagine having to put on lipstick, lip liner, lip gloss, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, blush, foundation, hair gel, hairspray, perfume, and nail polish on, only to remove it in a few hours. No wonder women are notorious for taking a long time to prepare for dates! If a guy finds me attractive enough to ask me out, then clearly he thinks I'm cute anyways, and there's no need to smear weird chemicals all over my face. I'd make sure I look presentable, certainly, but I am not going to hide my natural pretty features under a pound of who-knows-what. The make-up industry wants us to think we women will look like the Wicked Witch of the West if we don't blow half our salaries on stuff to "fix" problems that aren't there. Nuh uh. Chill out and stop chaining yourself to the mirror. If you buy it just for fun or something, fine, but you never need it to look good. [Now for the obligatory philosophy part you knew was coming.] I think it's interesting how, even when someone is quite self-confident already, discovering they look great can wonderfully boost their mood for the day. That mental feeling when you look in the mirror of "Wow, I look really...hot." will make even the most un-sex-inclined person feel just a little bit better when they go on with their day. We all take pride in looking nice (yes, guys too, don't deny it), and while a bad hair day might not destroy your chances of having a good day, a good hair day is welcomed by everyone. We all take pride in excellence, whether that be in appearance, intelligence, athletics, finances, or any specific skills. No wonder (subtle) flattery is so effective as a manipulative tactic, and no wonder most advertisements only use very beautiful models for whatever they're selling. [End of philosophy part.] Anyway, screw the media.