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~ My Story ~ October 20th 2010
Every Year as Baby Chance's Birthday Approaches I become Overwhelmed by Sadness and Grief that is Nearly Unbearable. I can't help but to think Of "What Might Have Been". For This Year Marks the 15th Year of His Birthday! Wow 15 Years! When All The Emotions and Memories Flood Back Just As They Do Every Year! I Don't Know How My Daughter Survives It. For On This Day, October 20th, 15 years ago My Daughter lay dying, bleeding to death trying to hold on to him Just a Little Longer, as the doctors and nurses kept telling us we had to convince her to let him Go, to let them Just Take him before it was too late. And Heather Would Die Too. As Tim and I watched and stood by her side, Watching the Very Life Drain from her as every day passed. We Could do nothing...She absolutely Refused To Let Him Go. She was not about to give up. We were More Terrified than you could Ever Imagine, Knowing he Wasn't Ready, Knowing He Was Coming Far Too Soon.. and had Very Little to No Chance for Survival.. and Knowing She Was Laying Her Very Life On The Line. She Still Refused to Give In. But as a Mother, I kind of knew where she was coming from.. having lost 3 of my own. But none as far along as Chance was. None So Close to Birth. But yet I constantly prayed for it to be over.. That His Will Be Done, And for God not to Take Her Away From Us Too. I Honestly Don't Think I Could Have Survived It. We Clung to Each Other..Many Times, Tim Holding Me Up, All The While Watching His Precious Little Girl, The Light of His Life Fading Away. He Is An Unbelievably Strong Man, For he was Bearing the Fear and Grief of What Was to Come For All Three of Us. Ever Watchful and Diligent In His Strength For Us! Yes.. He Really Is A Remarkable Man. I Know He was as Scared as I was, but he Stayed Strong. Doing what He Does Best, Taking Care of His Girls. As the Last 3 Days Passed, Time Crawled. Heather Grew Weaker With Each Passing Day. Waiting, Watching, and Praying And Crying. By The 23rd she was so pale You Could see Every Vein in her Face as She Lay There Having Gone Into Full Labor For About 14 hours Before. On the 23rd Of October, Chance James Eckhart-Craig was Finally Born. Weighing Just a little over 1 lb. He was the Smallest Most Perfect Child. He Had Dark Hair, Long Arms, Long Fingers And Legs, *smiles* and Big Feet For His Tiny Size, and These Long Black Lashes On His Tiny Eyes That Never Opened. They wanted to Wisc Her away to Surgery to stop the Bleeding, again She Refused, Not wanting to give Up One Second Of Time with Him. On October 23 He was born, and on October 23 he was Taken to Heaven.. Only Living For a Brief Hour and A Half, Alive And In Our Arms.. Too Precious For This World, We Cried And Passed Him Back and Forth Between Us, I Held Him And Rocked Him In The Rocking Chair, Knowing I would Never Again Do So. Each Of Us Knowing He Wouldn't Last For Long As He Struggled To Live, As I Sat On Her Bed And We Held Him Together, He Opened His Little Pink Mouth, And Stretched And Died As Heather and I Held Him In Our Hands. Completely Devastated, Yet Glad His Struggle Was Over. Her's However Was Not. After She So Tenderly Dressed Him and Swaddled Him In The Tiniest Clothes I Had Ever Seen. They Came and took Him Away. As They Rushed Her Into Surgery To Try to Save Her Life, Again Tim And I Found Ourselves Looking To God .. Begging Him Not to Take Her Away From Us Too. As We Cried And Waited with His Brother and My Best Friend. She Came Through Like The Trooper She Is. Weak But Safe and Able to Try Again Some Day For Another Child, But Totally Devastated. We Came Home And Laid Him To Rest With My Daddy, They Actually Opened My Daddy's Grave to Make Room For His. They say You Will " Get Over It ", That " Time Heals All Wounds " But that's Far From The Truth. All I Can Say Is You Learn To Live With It. Buried With Momma And Daddy Is Where His Tiny Body Resides. But I Know He Is In Heaven Looking Down On us with MY Daddy And Now My Momma. Grandma Misses You Chance! I Love You!♥
Wow .. I am sorry that things got so screwed up for you on here. Yes it's true ..that what is supposed to be a game turns out to be real people and real feelings Outside of the box. It is hard to keep this place in perspective. We talk to someone ... at first... it's just fubar. Then Fu friends and fu Friends becomes a real friend. You soon find yourself caring very real love for these people. You Share and Comfort one another, even tho you don't know for sure if truly it is even the person you see in their photos. Even with cams it is just a speck of reality. For Some Fu marriage is Very real..the next thing ya know is you find your heart belonging to someone you don't really know At all. I Know people who have left their marriages for fulove. I guess being married for 37 yrs and having my husband here for real, every day living and sharing every aspect of life, has helped to protect me somewhat. But even I find myself asking myself how can I be so close to some of my best friends from here. Those who I would share my home with should we ever get lucky enough to meet. Some I care Very deeply about.I can't imagine what it would be like if I were sucked in a "REAL " Commitment with someone and have the truth in life to surface and tear the relationship apart. I have had several friends go through this on here.I find myself wondering and thinking about all the other people and wonder if they are doing ok. Because I still feel a kinship with someone who left fubar over these things.. like you are considering. I Miss them. So I guess in closing, In order to keep this game going is to realize right off we are not playing a game.With some it has even become an obsession... there are girls out there that will do anything for gain on here. You know the ones I'm talking about.. if not just read a few status messages or some of the auction thingys. I feel just as bad for them as I do The relationship ones.
And I think to myself...Damn I'm Lucky. I hope you can get past this and realize it is what it is. A game of life. As We Say To Our Friends On Here, I'll talk to you later,......Much Love,
Trouble
