Shorty's blog: "My Soul"

I look up at the sky and wonder why I am here and not in heaven. Why am I here breathing air and taking up space. Where I feel I don’t belong and out of place. What good am I? Being broken inside with no heart or soul, ruining friends and family life’s with my existence. How life would be so much better without me here. Everyone would be happier without my existence, taking up space another worthier person should have. I don’t believe I’m worthy of this ruined life. This life that was torn apart, smashed into a million pieces then slowly glued back together. Having missing pieces, not feeling complete has made me feel as though I’m not worthy of any thing in life. Not worthy of the happiness I see that my friends have. Not worthy of the love that I so long to have within my heart. Not worthy of being myself, the person I know that I am deep inside. Not worthy of any thing that life surrounds us with. Unworthy is how I feel deep inside of me.

There are times where my soul is confused. At times my soul feels as though it is dark as night, where I feel powerful as though nothing can hurt me, but there are other times where my soul feels bright as sun shine, where I am weak and powerless against my enemies. But it is the darkness that I long for. It begs me to release it from its cage. It calls to me, to allow the darkness to wrap its darken arms around me, but I feel if I do, I may hurt those around me. For it has already began to seep through the cracks of the cage, slowly taking control of my body. It will not be long before my soul is darken, releasing my true self, the one I long to be. But when the darkness does wrap its arms around me, I will accept it as my fate.