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Libelous Candy's blog: "My son"

created on 10/23/2006  |  http://fubar.com/my-son/b17068

My son

So tomorrow my son is turning five. Hard to believe. He brings the kid out in me, everyday amazes me that I can love someone so much. The wonder in his eyes as he is learning new and exiciting things makes all the heartache I've ever been through seem like a lifetime ago. Laughing to the point of tears as he belts out his favorite song "Chasing Cars". Yeah, the next Jerry Seinfield in the making. As I'm sitting tonight and looking thru old things, I wonder about his father. A man that I once fell head over heels in love with and had my son. Fell out of love just as fast. For reasons I won't discuss on a blog :D I remember the excitement of Keith as I was in labor. He was so thrilled with his son. Then the novelty wore off. For three years now it has been Trey and myself. We would hear from Keith now and then and I wouldn't make a big deal out of anything. I would let Keith come see him. Wouldn't make trouble. I am not going to add to the heartache my son is gonna suffer at the hands of his father. It saddens me to think of all the wonderful things Keith is missing right now. Trey's first day of preschool, watching his personality develop. His sense of humor that is way above his age....lol. His goofy faces.....the way my heart squeezes at night when I tuck him in and he says his prayers and includes myself, Mema, Aunt Mimi, and Anastasia. He is such a little man. More so at five than his father is at 31. The sad part is Keith grew up without both parents, his mother killing herself when he was my sons age. A father who denied him. Thank goodness for two loving grandparents that tried to raise him right. So with all that tragedy, you would think he would hold on for dear life to his children. But instead, he choose to be exactly like the man I heard him say on more than one occasion that he hated. His father. One day Keith is going to come around and want his son to be a part of his life and I'm afraid for my son. His heart is sooo big. He will welcome his father. I don't predjuice him against his dad, never a negative word has came out of my mouth in front of him. Keith will be my son's first heartache and that's a damn shame. And as usual, I will be there to pick up the pieces and help my son put them back together. We haven't heard from Keith now for six months. Who knows what's going on. Maybe he finally met his match with some womans husband. Maybe he is in jail. I'm tired of worrying about it. I know my son misses him. He asks about him now and then and we talk about how his father is a busy man. In his innocent childish way he tells me to tell his father he loves him and misses him. How do I explain another birthday missed? I don't. I just pray to make it thru the day with no questions asked.
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