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What are you waiting for?
Why do we allow experiences that we have had with others hinder the experiences we could have had with ones now? Why do we push those who truly care about us away, when they have done nothing but love us? Is there any way to make up for past wrong doings? Is there any possibility to truly forgive and forget? How can we possibly begin to show those we have hurt that we truly love them? How can we possibly begin to show those we have hurt that we are truly sorry for our actions? How is it possible to look back on the past and not even recognize who we once were? How is it possible that we let people have so much control over our lives that we loose all control ourselves?
It is impossible to express the pain felt, it is impossible to express the love felt, it is impossible to prove that you would truly do anything for someone you have hurt in the past... All that is asked is to be given the second or third (or fourth, fifth, sixth) chance, as the case may be.
Why would that next chance be given? Love? Is love really real? or is it something we have all created in our minds with the hopes that we won't be alone for the rest of our lives? If that person forgives us and grants us that second chance, how do we know they are genuine about it? How do we know that it isn't "payback" for everything you have put them through? How do we know that they aren't going to walk out on us once they realize that we really aren't worth it?
How do we fix it? Do we pack up and move across the world now? Risk everything for it? Or do we stay put, and always wonder "what if"? How do we fulfill the dreams we always had? of the little curly haired girl, and little trouble making boy down by the sea. When will it all end? When will the dreams come true, or fade away? As I goto sleep every night, I pray that the time for those dreams to come true or fade away is near... I pray the end of the pain is near... I pray to finally be able to have the feeling of being in the arms of the one who I love the most. I pray for forgiveness, and understanding...
I read a sign today that said "The weak do not forgive, for it is a virtue of the strong". I thought 'how true'. For one to be able to forgive me for all that I have done would be the hardest thing I have ever asked anyone to do... Do I have the courage to ask? Do I truly deserve to be forgiven? I understand I am human, everyone makes mistakes. . . but not everyone makes cold hearted mistakes. Where do we go for answers to these questions? A magical experience with our fairy godmother? No, this isn't Disney. If you find the fountain of answers, please, let me know. That is where I will spend eternity
