I was looking at one of those bulletin surveys, and I started thinking. We all say that we don’t regret anything. It’s like if we admit regret, we acknowledge a failure in our lives. Well, to be honest I do have a regret. I think that you can only really regret things that you had the ability to change.
Here is my one regret. My Brigade Command Sergeant Major offered me a position as his driver. He wasn’t slotted a driver, but offered me the job. His plan was to get me a board date and get promoted. He was offering me a place at his table, and it would have been a great boon to my career. I respectfully turned him down.
I thought that my place as a soldier was to do my job. At the time I had a team of my own and I enjoyed the responsibility of leadership. In my head sitting around doing nothing and riding the CSM’s coattails isn’t something a real soldier did. Had I taken his offer I would have stayed in and they would be pinning E-8 stripes on me right now.
However I can’t totally regret my choice. It is only because of a very specific set of circumstances that got me to the place where I would have such a wonderful daughter. So whenever I feel bad about it, I remind myself that had I taken it I wouldn’t have the life I have now.
There is one thing I don’t regret, even though it was career suicide. Have you ever had that one defining moment? That time when you are tested, and I mean truly tested? Where it is the one moment when you have to back up everything you claim to believe in or are shown as being full of shit. I remember the exact moment for me. Let me give you the back story.
I was an Infantry team leader. One of the things that I told my guys was that you do the right thing to do because it is the right thing to do. You don’t just do it when it is the easy thing, but you especially do it when it is hard. That is when you know what you are really made of. Well one of my guys got into an accident, he was drunk, and underage. One of my rules had been if you are stupid enough to get caught, you deserve to be punished. But I also don’t believe in kicking a man when he is down. And since this took place on a civilian highway, he had enough troubles.
I had to go in front of the man and speak for my guy. He had said he wasn’t driving, and she said she wasn’t (it was her car) well her Dad was making a big stink about it,(she was injured pretty bad) so this kid was going to get crushed. We had a serious talk before I went to talk to the Platoon Sergeant.
Oh man did this guy have it out for my boy. He was ranting and raving about how much he hated the kid. He even said that he wanted five minutes alone with a baseball bat. I knew how every other team leader in the platoon would have handled it, agree with the man and let your guy get burned. Better to lose one than sacrifice two careers.
I was going along for a while. He was being unprofessional, but don’t we defend your right to expression. And I never thought he would really put his hand on my soldier, or I would have stepped in. Suddenly it came, that defining moment. It was so spontaneous that I didn’t recognize that is what it was until later. It came in the middle of his rant. Most of it I couldn’t dispute. Yes he had been drinking, yes he was underage, but when he said my guy was driving, I had to disagree. That stopped the toon sergeant in his tracks. “How do you know? Were you there?!”
Do you know that feeling like you can see the train coming, but you can’t step off the tracks. You brace for the hit, just knowing that it is going to hurt. For those who know me know that being tactful and respectful at the same exact time, is very hard. And almost impossible when I think the person is an idiot and dead wrong. But somehow I pulled it out of my ass. And all I said was, “No Sergeant, he told me.” The bellowed response, “And you believe him!?!” “Yes, we don’t lie in my squad.”
Oh man, that set him off. At that moment he knew that I would not let him steamroll my guy. As soon as walked out that door I was going to face my squad. And there is no way in hell I was going to ask them to live up to a standard if I wouldn’t do it myself. I like that my soldiers will follow me out of respect, not because they have to. Ask any real soldier I have led and anyone of them would follow me today.
Now the deal is that no one saw the exchange. Maybe another squad leader, but I don’t remember anyone else in the office. So I could have walked out and lied about what happened, but that isn’t my way. Shortly after we had a public moment. The battalion set up a combat lifesaver course. The Platoon Sergeant made it clear that he had already selected the names so I didn’t sweat it. Then he fucked up. In formation he told each squad leader to give him a name of who most deserved to go.
Fuck, here comes that damn train again. Everyone else took a safe choice, and I had the perfect political choice, and while he was a good kid, he was new and hadn’t proven himself yet. So he didn’t most deserve to go. Who did most deserve to go? The kid the Platoon Sergeant hated. He deserved it. So I said his name. If I had to do it all over again I would have said it louder. Fuck him.
I am working on my fifth row of ribbons for my uniform. They don’t mean shit. What means the most to me is that my guy whispered “thank you” He knew what it meant and why I had did it. So when I say do the right thing, that means do it all the time. That doesn’t mean I don’t slip, but when it counts, you know I will do what is right.
I knew that he was going to screw me, but I wasn’t going to do the work for him. If you want to kick me out, you are going to have to do it yourself, I won’t quit. Oh and I am Briar fucking Rabbit bitch. He was only an E-7, come on at that point you really needed to be a field grade officer to mess with me. During a change of Command Ceremony a few months prior, my company commander told everyone, to include the Brigade staff that his head still hurt from me taking him on with pugil sticks. Timmy was a bad ass.
So that joker thought he could mess with this guy. It took him a few months, but finally he made his move. That same Brigade CSM from before stepped in and let them know they were screwing me. He selected me to go as the representative of his Brigade to the I Corps color guard. I still have the pimp picture of me in dress blues in the Kingdome at a Mariners game. Not only did I leave the unit, but I cleared it with an e-mail from the Brigade CSM to the Battalion CSM. For the Army folk, you know that you can’t clear a unit without orders, and you are right, you can’t Briar Rabbit can!
I know this is long, but I don’t care. So what about you? Have you been tested? Did you pass? Now did you really? And seriously, do you have a real regret?
Whatever happened to that kid? Nothing, he had to pay some fines on the civilian side. No Army punishment at all. He kept driving on under my leadership, and when we went to Panama for JOTC, he kicked ass when I left (Red Cross message) A PFC led the team and they were the only team to not take a casualty on the field exercise. Before I left the unit that same Platoon Sergeant made me put him in for an award. That kid is not an E-6, I think he is in the reserves now, and a husband and father. He did good. All he needed was the chance.
