I'm not a huge writer, infact I never write! This is mostly for those who knows me.(you know who you are)
This is a typical day in my life.
It's 16:00 when I finish working. 16:30, I'm at home, feed my cat, grab my Happy Hour Kit *(HHK)**(my smoking kit)and a couple of beers. Get in the car and drive to the river.(Richelieu River)
Park the car, take my shirt off, roll a funny stick. I get out of the car, grab my black blanket, football, beers and my H.H.K. I head towards the sunniest part of the park, just on the edge of the river. Lay the blanket down, sit, open one up and take a sip, Ah refreshing! I lick my funny stick and lite it up, take a drag and keeps it in while taking another sip. Now lying down with my head resting on the football like a pillow, I can hear people on thier ankered boats close to the shore and others cheerying and partying with a bunch of people that brought their drums and tam-tams. It takes me atleast one funny stick 2 "Cold shots" cans(Molson Dry 6.5%alc.per vol.250ml) and a smoke to start letting myself go.
I start thinking. At the same time that thoughts are popping up in my head, I can feel the warmth of the sun diving on my skin.
For weeks and even months, I keep thinking, why do I always feel crumy and shity? I feel that way since I met the mother of my child. We were together for 3 to 4 years. I just realized that the reason why I feel that way is because I let myself down and go through this. Sure I had help, she helped a lot for that in fact.(there's lots of other things that didn't help either, but that will become one of many other topics to talk about) I was manupilated and taken advantage of and let myself get controlled. Lets face it, I was like a string puppet. Love does really make you go blind, but what's love without darkness? Now its been about 3 years since we're not together anymore. I thought leaving her would stop the problem, but it doesn't.
Why do I still feel like that? I live in a crappy 2 1/2, work in a deadend job where everyone gets grumppier as the days goes by, shitty car that keeps breaking down and keeps me on the edge, pay a huge childsupport for a kid I see 1day/2weekends and always end spending my fun time, in alone times. I got to stop saying it's because of this and because of that....just deal with it! I know for my part what I need to change....Stop thinking about the past and start thinking about now and the futur.
What I would like to change for my futur?....
1) Get to see my kid more often
2) Get a decent car
3) Get a better job
4) Change apartement
5) Open my circle of friends from 1 to maybe 5
What should I do to change that?.......
1) (3)Look for a new one or second one...------>
2) (2)that helps to fix that problem.....------>
3) (4)and get to move some other place...------>
4) (5)new job, new place, should be able to make friends......------>
5) (1)...still thinking......
This is where my Goals starts.....
1) Quit smoking Funny Sticks and Tobacco
2) Restart working out (Gym, Hockey, Running)
3) Become more stable (money, grocery, bedtime)
All of those is to be achieved by the end of summer.....Humm...Clock is ticken'...Ok.....at the latest by the end of the year!
And this time there's no chickn' out....I want to live a life, a mens life.....MY LIFE....AND FUCK THE REST!!!!!
This is all for today.....suite!
.....These are my thoughts, my feeling, my opinions...You have yours, I've got mine. Respect me for who I am and I'll respect you for who you are!
