WIck3d DeZirE's blog: "My Poems"

Another lost day has turned into a hopeless night of sleep.

The Sun has been replaced with a thick darkened sky.

The Moon has barely cut her way thru the the black blanket.

The house has fallen silent.

Only one person awake.

Lost in her thoughts..

It's all been the same for the past 9 years.

All I want is something I'm afraid I can never have.

I look toward the sky for answers but all I ever find is silence.

I've begged and pleaded and i get no where.

I fight with everything I have til I'm about to break... and still.. nothing.

No answers are ever found.

Life will never work the way you want or hope for it to.

All that is definite about life that I've finally come to realize is that

There is only fate.

You're destiny's already set out for you. 

You just have to find a way to make it liveable.

You have to find Your way to make life bareable.

My way is the people who are closest to me.

You played me and then tossed me aside like an old rag doll for your own sick enjoyment. You strung me around like i was a fuckin yo-yo. And when i could do your tricks you threw me away like trash. I've been bound and gagged like your voodoo doll that wasn't allowed to speak. I was a guinea pig that was only to be let out for your own amusement. I was your favorite little toy til you got everything you could out of me. Once i had nothing more to offer, you locked me up without any dignity to spare. Til you needed another "pick me up". You have me like a pet on a leash. Forcing me to go whichever way suits you.

I want my razorblade. This tension inside is making me slip. I need to bleed. I need to cut. I need some form to let it all out. My mouth will never open up enough to say what my eyes are giving away. The tears. The lies. The fake smiles. The hidden cries. Just one slice is all I need, To say under control of This mindless game.

Alone. Unwanted. Unloved. No one knows. No one cares. She gets fucked over More than once. Will she learn? Probably not. Her life's the same. And will always be the same. She's headed nowhere fast. So fast she's only slippin deeper. Deeper down. Her pain. Her loss. She takes it out on no one but herself. Poor girl. Pity me. Fuck it all. I wanna die. Fuck it, I'm already DEAD!

i feel used. abused mistreated. misguided cheated. fucked over. tossed aside.

Room to breathe! Suffocation from all around. I need to get my heart, mind, and soul out of the black hole i created from within. FUCK IT ALL!!!

Suffocation. cut off my airway to life. fuck me over. spit me out. Drown me in my own pits of hell. cut my wrists slice my throat. Gag me, strip me, leave me bare. Share my deepest darkest secret to the rest. I'm fucked up the way it is. Why not push me farther?!

Every night she cries. Every night she tries. She reaches for her favorite object. No one cares. No one loves. The razor blade. No one knows. It's all a joke. She grips it tight. How deep will I go? How many times? She stretches out her wrist. Blood pours. Wounds welt. Immediate relief. She sinks back in extacy. Her razor never lets her down.

All she ever tries All she ever does Is never for herself Always for him. Does he care? Does he listen? Hell NO! All he does is lie. It'd be so much easier on everyone If she wasn't here. She wouldn't have to lie By putting on a fake smile To make everyone think all is well. She's done with hurting Herself. And them. She's had it. Tonight'll be the night She thinks. How to do it? Crash her car driving carelessly Or bleeding out in her car in the country? Either way, she won't be found for awhile And everyone can smile

He said she made him happy. He said he'd be there. The time she needs him the most, is the time he decides to go back on every word he's made to her. You'd think it'd be easy to leave Right? Wrong. How can she just up and walk away from the only guy that cares? It's her fault this is happening. If only she knew what was best. This would stop happening. All she can do is take One cut at a time!