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I give up

I give up. For about two months, all of a sudden nobody really wants to talk to me anymore. The strangest thing was the 3 people I was closest to (online) all just stopped talking to me at the same time. Only one of them as given me any kind of reason, the other two won't respond to emails or anything :( I don't even know what I did. It really sucks when people say such wonderful things about you, and then one day you're just a stranger to them. They act like they really care about you and then they treat you like we're back in Junior High and you're not cool enough for them to even say one word to you. I mean wow......I think if I dropped off of the face of the planet right now, nobody would even notice. These days I am so lonely. I've totally given up on EVER having a girlfriend again. How in the hell is it possible anymore? Women always have their pick of the litter and there is always going to be someone they want more then me. Couple that with my self respect of not letting myself be played or lied to and the chances are pretty slim I'll ever know what it's like again, to feel loved or special to anyone. There must be something seriously wrong with me and I just don't see it, and nobody is a friend enough to step up and tell me. I have no motivation anymore for anything. Whatever hopes and dreams I had, there's just no point anymore. Whenever I use my brain to help someone else it works flawlessly. Whenever I use my brain to help myself it always fails no matter how hard I try. Obviously I'm not meant to have anything go right. It's like some super natural force is making sure I can never succeed past a certain level with anything. After 32 years of that, the writing is pretty much on the wall. So, right now I feel like a cursed loser that nobody wants to know. So I give up
I live in a studio apartment in Des Moines, WA, which is just south of Seattle. The upper part of Des Moines starting with Pac Hwy and about half a mile going down towards the water, is a place full of drugs, prostitutes, drug pushers, thieves, and what I like to describe as soulless carcasses roaming the streets. I even had a guy try to jack me of my car while I was parked at a stop light. It was some white dude, walked up to my passanger door as I tried to lock my doors and reach for my razor blade knife. I forgot that my car automatically locks when i put it into drive so I quickly looked back at him and have him a "If you do it you are FUCKING DEAD!!!" He put two hands up in the air and back pedaled away very slowly. The light turned green and I was gone. The bottom part of Des Moines is like a different planet. Down there is the Marina and the water-the South part of the Puget Sound. No crack whores, drug pushers, or anything like that. Just peace and serenity, lots of senior citizens to. As crazy as it sounds, no matter how bad I want to leave it seems I can't. I live with my friend Jessi and I love him like a brother. His gf Katie ended up moving in also and it is getting way to fucking crowded, not to mention I NEVER have any privacy anymore. The lease expired on August 1st and yet we are still living in this ....BOX. All 3 of us don't really have anywhere to do, and we got a note on the door telling us to pay more money then usual. I had a place to go but they flaked out on me at the last second. So I might end up homeless or might not. I have no idea at this point. I don't expect anyone to be able to help me or want to for that matter. I have nobody to blame but myself for this situation. I appreciate the offers I have gotten but it's hard for me to move in with a woman when I know their man is just going to be a dick about it. I don't want to cause them drama. It doesn't matter what I do for some reason men feel very threatened by me even when there is NO WAY that I would ever make a move on their woman. I am NOT a home wrecker AT ALL. Anwyayz....im sick of typing so I'll stop this blog here.
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