There is a certain kind of bitch out there, and she is a danger to dudes like me.
Normally, ....I am a strong dude, because chix like her (from the past) have made me this way.
Whether with my friends..... or alone,......most especially at night.........I feel like I'm going to be just fine.
I dont need anyone........ I'll only rely on myself. I will never set myself up for disappointment again.......
And the last bitch? ........Well clearly she missed out...........Her fucking loss......I was too good for her anyway.......But something about this girl takes that away........ Sure when she is not around (and not calling because she doesn't--unless she wants something),.......I will train myself to believe that I dont need her........ after all....."they're just bitches"....... And right then........when Im so close to being over it.........she shows up again looking all good to me........
Everyone else sees ......how she makes out with random dudes......the rockstar coke habit........the slutty clothes...but I take one look at those bedroom eyes that make the music, the sexy legs in their fashionable jeans and suddenly I'm nothing more than half of her..........I will never be ok until she is mine...... until I own her.....until Im washing her car.......she's doing my laundry.........driving me around when Im drunk......and we're curing each other of our party lifestyles..........Until I see her baby pictures........until she is friends with my mom.......and until she is the one my songs are about.......I am empty.
And how, how she has this stupid rediculous gift.....and those sad sweet eyes that know all the right things to say...... hiding all the lies and all the promises she never meant to keep, I'll never know........ All I know is that it posseses me. .......making me cling to every fraction of hope.......making me live for every dream that will probably never come true......*sigh* that bitch!
It's a travesty that they have this power over us, that they make our stomachs flip and our bottom lips stick out, pouting over what we cant have........ They take up so much time and energy that could be better spent, but we are powerless when faced with these brooding-bitch angels.........
And I sigh and hope that one day I will find one that is willing to be captured....... wild butterfly of nightlife that she is..........I know that I will never be satisfied with a nice, compliant, wholesome girl....... The ones who I take out to dinner and give them flowers on holidays.......The ones who only take care of me....... cuddle with me when I'm being childish and irrational. ........
No, I need danger.......and drama.........I need to feel mutual responsibility..... two incapable children caring for each other.......
I need to save her...... make her a better person...... I need parking lot kisses and caresses in the VIP..............esoteric liasons at my/her apartment...... and hotel rooms just for the fuck of it sometimes.........
I need the smell of her perfume on my pillow........and her lipstick on my collar....... And if I get it......well she wont know what she's missed out on.
I am what is best for her..............if only she would see it.
but then I wake up feeling like a punk for falling in love with a ho-bag....knowing that every night I go out.....I gotta deal with her shit......or deal with some shit Ive gotten myself into because of her......its enough to make me wanna hurt someone.....
so......... after hook up.....after mindless hook up.....and all the meaningless one night stands.....and all the chix whose lives Ive fucked up......by using them to fill the void of the one chick that I just cant seem to have......I realize what a bitch Ive become.......and I vow to never be "that dude" again.....and I go on another rampage of frenetic lust filled nights with chick that I dont wanna wake up beside......and its all good for a while.....
till I see her again......probably with some dudes hand on her ass.....or her tongue down his throat.....or just in my face trying to make me be cool with seeing her out slutting herself up with other guys......after all......according to her.....shes just having fun, right? those guys mean nothing to her like I do, right? I mean....... she isnt my lady.....we arent together, right? We are just "friends" right?
Hell no.....Im not your fucking friend! I dont wanna have shit to do with you!...... I just wanna be over it....and move on.....and find the chick that wants to be all the things to me that I am to her.....even if her blowjob skills arent half as good as yours....loyalty is very important to me......if I didnt have a consistent need to get laid......Id never even talk to your scandalous ass!
But its my fault though.....I put you on a pedestal.....and then caught feelings when you fell from grace.......that is totally on me....
but in the meantime, in between time.......get the fuck outta my life!!!
Im sure there is more to type....but Ive purged enough for one day....
