rolling darkness
A black existence. Where sky meets earth on the terrible horizon. Stretching out for centuries. Extending on and on in mingled, primordial shades of dimness. Mists mixing with air mixing with sky. And here I sit, so trivial. A fleck of sand in a wasteland of shattered glass. So disappointed. Wholly unmindful of the wonders of the world. Far too weary from regret. I peer out, through rust scented screen, out into the great, abyssal world below. And all at once, as the whistling wind and cooling rain blow in upon me I hear the howling moan. It burrows deep into my heart. A promise carried within the ungodly sound, an oath of suffering. And grief is abruptly summoned by this night. And with it, the uninvited monster of woe. Limitless, this beast, but with a soft, melodic whisper. It begs for me to relent. Implores that I would yield to it’s enticing request. The world opens it’s infinitely vast mouth and the mist below me presents itself with a loving vow. A promise of reprieve. Swirling with an eerily rhythmic, hopeful sentience. Ready to blanket me in a quiet, timeless slumber. Where I can be delivered from the hands of despair. Where I can become a faceless nothing. Without beginning and without end. An insignificant drop of water and sky and air drifting within the yawning fog
deep wound
Inside I’m torn apart
Left raw and helpless
I can’t breath
Beneath the surface
I bleed
For all the pain that I’ve caused
I must leave
Believe that I can return to myself
In the depths of my heart
I must start all over again
In the end I’m still here
But in silence
I will wait
Until my problems disappear
I fear
It just won’t go away
Everyday I’ve wronged
Myself to everyone
I fall to my knees
And plead
An apology
In the end I’m still here
But in silence
I will wait
Until my problems disappear
I fear
It just won’t go away
Promises my first attempt at a song
I’ve been waiting
I’ve been waiting for you
To choose me over him
And I ask myself why
Why do I even bother?
Each day passes by
And all I see
Are the tears in your eyes
You want to pick me
But you’re too afraid
So you close your eyes again
But in the end
I’m still here
I’m the one that makes your life clear
I will fight away your fears
And bring life back
To the years you lost
I will wash away your tears
And whisper in your ears
A love song
You’ve been longing to hear
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Make up your mind
Before I leave and close the door
I will fight away your fears
And bring life back
To the years you lost
I will wash away your tears
And whisper in your ears
A love song
You’ve been longing to hear
If you come right over here
And be with me
i cant seem to let go
I want you to know
That you mean the world to me
I can’t seem to let go
The feeling inside that goes
Free around my body
From my head to my toes
I just can’t let go
You are irresistible
And I am not able
To turn the tables on you
Let me take control
I seem to be falling apart
Deep inside my Thorne heart
An urge to break through
These callus strands
Demands me to save you
Without a well thought plan
Every chance I make
Another sacrifice to take
Away
All my love for you
These walls could break
These walls could break
Through my thorns
And shut down my torn
Heart with a disastrous storm
Let me take control
I seem to be falling apart
Deep inside my Thorne heart
An urge to break through
These callus strands
Demands me to save you
Without a well thought plan
pressure beneath me
Why do I let the pressure build?
Build up so deep inside me
I can hardly breathe
A burden right beneath me
And I carry it everywhere I go
I just watch it tear me apart
Eating away at my heart
And I pretend like I don’t know
What’s wrong with me?
But everyday I let it be apart of me
I let it be apart of me
Why do I let the pressure build?
Build up so deep inside me
I can hardly breathe
A burden right beneath me
And I carry it everywhere I go
It follows me
A shadow that’s made out of me
If I blink it will only get worse
It’s a curse and its ready to burst
I can’t take the pressure
I’m ready to explode
I can’t listen to you lecture
I’m ready to jump out the window
Because I’m out of control
Out of control
Why do I let the
pressure build?
Build up so deep inside me
I can hardly breathe
A burden right beneath me
And I carry it everywhere I go.
misunderstood
Misunderstood i travel the world in search of that one divine answer.
Endlessly living in repeatition i pull my self together, just one last time.
Still anxiously awaiting my ABSOLUTE and final line.
Could it be without even knowing it, i’ve lost total control?
In the blink of an eye i’ve become rapidly aware. things are what you make them and nothing significant could ever compare.
siginificance
Unable to speak of the pain my heart must endure
i am a hopeless dreamer awaiting my chance to shine
Only most obliged to hold on with venegance .
Once visited by determination, now starving for a follow through
For once to finish an idea.
Perhaps to show the world things have relevance i must first start to believe in them.
boy standing still
feet still planted
down until the very roots
he stands still
yet the world passes him by
seems as if no one ever stays
but he does not change
looking into his eyes
how can he hold in so much pain?
pushed around, told what to do
he obeys when he could say no
all he ever wanted was a friend
why is this world so cold?
no one will reach out
someone, anyone
standing still
he finally moves his feet
he’s leaving soon
says this world is just too much
that there’s no room left
you know he called you everyday
just even to say "hey.. how was your day?"
but you never called back
never realized he had been away
didn’t you wonder if he was okay?
don’t worry don’t get up i checked instead
i found his name in a column in the newspaper
just last week he crashed
drove 110 over a bridge
but where were you?
cozy in your recliner. laid back, at home?
he called you that night
but why? why you?
oh yes that’s right
remember what you said
you’d hold him up when everyone else let him down
so i lied... it never happened
but it made you think, almost sorry
he’s willing to risk his life...
but are you willing to take the risk of never calling?
cause while he stands still
a plan has been developing
a girl
tonight i laid next to you,
and saw a girl i thought i’d never meet.
a girl who made me see age is just a number
a girl who let’s me show him my affection in public
a girl who has seen me cry, and in return cried with me
a girl who held the door of opportunity open for me
a girl who can lay with me for hours at a time and not get bored
a girl who stuck with me when others turned their backs
a girl whose lips fit mine so perfectly
a girl who made me laugh when i was having the worst day
a girl who stopped by just to say “goodnight” :]
a girl who pushes me to not let others get me down
a girl who lets me know i am someone in this world
a girl who bought me a dozen roses from the goodness of his heart
a girl who cooked me dinner for the first time in my life
a girl who no matter what, won’t leave my side
a girl who proved to me love doesn’t have to hurt
a girl who i wouldn’t mind spending a lifetime with
a girl who i can’t live without
a girl who i love with a heart so true
black thorne heart
I lost all my control
I just can’t let it go
This burden deep inside me
Tears up my soul
Everyday the tears I cry
Inside the lies collide
I’m too afraid to show my face
My world is out of place
And I wonder why.....
Why do I have to cry every night?
Tell me
Why do I have to cry every night?
The lies inside that crawl and hide away
In a distant time
My faith broke down
Surrounded by the guilt I found
And I believe this tragedy
Will easily be solved
And I wonder why.....
Why do I have to cry every night?
Tell me
Why do I have to cry every night?
The lies inside that crawl and hide away
Everyday the tears I cry
Inside the lies collide
I’m too afraid to show my face
My world is out of place
And I wonder why.....
Why do I have to cry every night?
Tell me
Why do I have to cry every night?
The lies inside that crawl and hide
The lies inside that crawl and hide
They live alive and they are here to stay
almost
i’d travel oh so far
to be where you are
i’d travel there by car
to be where you are
but if i get there i’d find
that i’d change my mind
it happens all the time
to a friend of mine
always making statements
and moving step by step
always acting theories
i will regret
my only consolation
in the things that i’ve done
are the people who know me
and the objects i own
unknown name
even when you’re at your weakest
you’re where i’ll want to be
and by now i really see it
thats the way you embrace me
i truly feel like im with you
when i look into your eyes
to me thats something new
it’s for you that my heart cries
wisdom tells me we’re still fresh
that we have lots of room to grow
and the way you hold me honestly
tells me all i need to know]
death vs. life.
Death is dark.
Death is pure.
Death knows only one thing.
You cannot control it.
You never know when it will show up.
Its everywhere, here and there.
It comes and goes when it wants.
It takes but never gives.
Death is not evil,
It is just a result of evil.
Life is light.
Life is pure.
Life only knows one thing.
You can control it.
You always know when it will show up.
Its everywhere, here and there.
It comes and goes at your will.
It gives but never takes.
Life is not good,
It is just a result of good.
To have life is to have death.
To have death is to have life.
Its an endless cycle for all enertiy
hope
hope dwindles in the twilight
by the shore they sit and wait
watching the sunset awaiting a word
of hope a glimmer of light left
holding onto the last bit of
light hoping darkness and night
never come
as long as there is hope life can go on
as long as hope lives the two can go on
together for even a few minuts longer
a few more seconds of hope,of love
together they bring hope
untitled
I'll never show the pain deep within my soul because today is the day I'm finally letting go. The last year of hell changed a part of me it taught me a valued lesson of how cruel people can really be. Choosing to move forward never looking back even if it kills me life will get back on track. Reflections from the past knowledge became real clear no longer will I live my life within darkness or in fear. Moving on in life without you is something I must do you pushed me far enough and I almost came unglued. So keep in mind these words 'just remember' where it ends I've let you go completely even though you were my friend.
questions?
Gentle are your kisses,
Tender is your touch,
Delicious are your thoughts,
But is evil your intent?
Will you harm me?
Will you love me?
Will you be true?
Will love be sweetly new,
or fade like the morning dew?
Shall I cry?
Shall I try?
Shall you love,
or shall you fly?
first loves
too sweet are the first loves, such that for every love to follow there is always a small taste of sour Sorrow Saddens while love blooms,
who can say what ahead looms,
never will I know,
if your love is in your soul,
judge me not by day,
because everything is unique in a way.
when we were.
Satan, you know where I lie
Gently I go into that good night
All our lives get complicated
Search for pleasures overrated
Never armed our souls
What the future would hold
When we were innocent
Angels, lend me your might
Forfeit all my lives to get just one right
All those colors long since faded
All our smiles are confiscated
Never were we told
What the future would hold
When we were young
fairy tale ending
i wish you could see you how i do i wish you could know how i feel about you i wish you could see how much you meen to me so we can be together for all time like in a fairy tale boy meets girl love and happily ever after unlike that we have no happiness yet for all we all are two diffrent ppl with two diffrent lives with two diffrent hearts so maybe later on when we can find happiness ill see you im my fairy tale my love.
girl my second attempt at a song
What do you do when your scared and alone
What do you do when your secluded to home
What do you do when theres no one to hear
The story of a girl whos filled with fear
How do you help someone who cant get away
How do you help somoene who doesnt want the next day
How do you tell when shes really hurt
When all her blood and tears are hidden in the dirt
When do you know its truly time to run
When do you know shes about to grab a gun
When do you tell her that her lifes at its peak
If she cant hear you through her own minds shriek
Why cant this girl just see through the rain
Why cant this girl just fight through her pain
Why does she do things to only herself
Its just her life thats sitting on the shelf
Do you really think that she doesnt care
Do you really think that theres nothing there
Do you really think her emotions are dead
All this girl sees is her life written in red
She wants the help that she cant find
She wants the only help that she has in mind
She wants to take what she can get
No more pains and no more regret
someday
Ringing words tender sweet
Kisses soft and same as words
Fluttering hearts skip a beat
Sounds as sweet as morning birds
Graceful steps upon the floor
Dancing to the tune
Prancing around like a tour
Sadly knowing the song ends soon
Holding eachother gently, tight
Never letting go
Feeling that everything is simply right
Just going with the flow
Stars shining in the sky
Whispering so many romantic things
To make us want to joyfully cry
As the beautiful crickets sing
These little things prove my love to you
I love you more than youll ever know
I cant wait to say i do,
Youll see someday we will do so
the road thats newly gravelved another song attempt
How do you say your sorry to the unforgiving?
How can you be forgiven by someone who no longer knows your living?
A heart is a fragile thing.
You never know what it may bring.
A heart holds emotions that can be hidden and untold.
Maybe its about time everyone lets them unfold.
Maybe a special someone just needs a special chance.
Maybe in the future well all know the same dance.
You can dig your own hole deep into the ground.
Just remember what goes around comes around.
Its about time to fill it in, for all wounds to mend.
Its about time for all the fury to end.
You only live one day at a time.
Keep yourself out of trouble and crime.
Put one foot in front of the other, keep on walking.
Unless its something that need be said, dont keep on talking.
Leading a good life isnt as hard as it seems.
Follow your own path keep up with your dreams.
Dont hurt other people or break their hearts.
Not everything ends the way it starts.
Stick up for the kid from down the street.
Pick yourself up, stay upon your own feet.
Every day is a whole new chapter.
Not every story ends happily ever after.
Dont just follow the road less traveled,
But also follow the road thats newly graveled.
Wake up!-another attempt at a song
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
This is not a test!
It’s time to meet the concrete
Get it off your chest
So steady your hand before your face and concentrate
Theres gotta be some stable ground
We have to walk on
So tear another page from the book
Are you asleep or just alone?
Clear this room from your lungs
Pull yourself together
Pull yourself together, man
Pull yourself together
Pull yourself together
On your back,
You’re sleeping in a bed of shame
Bring some new life into this room
It’s what keeps you coming back
Made up of insatiable songs
Bury your head in your hands and sing it to yourself
Just what are you so afraid of?
What are you so afraid of?
You’re staring truth in the face
So come on down
What are you so afraid of?
You’re busy living now, aren’t you?
You’re busy making vows
You’re coming unglued
Time is shorter than you know
I know ???
So why don’t you take steps away from being alone
I swear, it’s not too late for you
It’s all worth reaching for
The hands will pull you out
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
define your mind
An attempted expression, twisted & flattened,
until it no longer resembles creative thought.
The taffy pulling of your brain, that’s what poetry means to me.
Skribbling down my thoughts, which should have stayed inside my head,
internally I fought, but spewed them out instead.
This happens all the time, the warping of my mind, to bring about the
squeezing out of ideas I’ve defined.
short and sweet just like her
Lights off, eyes closed
Try to sleep, start to doze
Half dreaming, I see you
Oh if only, it were true
Four a.m., back to bed
Pictures swirling, clouded head
One last thought, a face I miss
In my dreams, those lips I kiss
Pouty lips, silky skin,
So many ways, to begin
Sexy curves, traffic stopping,
All dressed up, jaw-dropping
A single thought, I love you
Look around, a wish come true?
Not tonight, sometime soon
Every night, I’ll spend with you
Empty bed, lonely place
Yet a smile, on my face
So in love, I adore
Loved forever, and ever more
Only one, I hold near
The only one, is you my dear.
destroyed
We had true love, or so I thought,
Now here I sit, all distraught,
I only ever think of you,
And all the things that I would do.
To hold you close and feel your kiss,
And your loving tenderness,
I loved and cared and so did you,
But I guess our love was not true.
So torn up inside my cage,
But only love, there is no rage.
I’m not angry, I don’t resent,
I only wish we could have went,
Down another, different path,
Where all is happy and love will last.
I’ll never forget the times we shared,
Or how much you always cared,
But now I must set you free,
Maybe someday you’ll come back to me.
You could no longer be with me,
You had to choose your destiny,
Out of nowhere came a crash,
My heart is shattered, broken, smashed.
Abandoned by the one I trusted most,
I feel so empty, like a ghost,
No way to sleep or even eat,
Will this love be my defeat?
I was so sure, that you’d be there,
Every day and every where.
God I miss her!
deaths gold grip
The icy hands of death clawing at my back,
There’s no use now, awaiting an attack,
It’s not the fall, it’s the sudden stop,
I lay in a ditch, fell from the top,
Blood spots all over my clothes,
Grasping for life and no one knows,
Pulling me down into his world,
Death looks at me with eyes swirled,
It’s my name I see on his list,
Willingly I go, I won’t be missed
only you
I’m so amazed you love me,
I can’t believe it’s true,
I’m just an average guy,
What did I ever do?
I don’t think I deserve,
All the love you give to me,
I’m more than glad to take it,
And forever I will be.
I’m so lucky to have found,
Someone so good and true,
And every time I think of it,
I fall more in love with you.
Thank you for your kindness,
I’ll always be in debt,
For everything you’ve done for me,
Though you don’t know it yet.
You may have saved my life,
You’ve brought out my best,
Back before I met you,
I was so depressed.
There’s nothing I want more,
Than to share my life with you
I’m so happy to be loved,
By the one and only you.
sexy
We’re cuddled up in a chair,
Playing with your silky hair,
Licking softly at sexy lips,
As a hand slides to your hips.
I wrap my arms around your waist,
A loving look at your face.
I see the look of wanting more,
I make sure I’ve locked the door.
A lip meets teeth as you wait,
Going crazy, I anticipate.
Run your fingers through my hair,
Scratch my back, I don’t care.
You lay there naked on the sheets,
I feel the passion; feel the heat,
Looking into your big, brown eyes,
Kisses on your sexy thighs,
Across your face a seductive grin,
And this is our sweetest sin.
Bodies, souls and minds are one,
Until the rising of the sun.
desire
I close my eyes and see your face,
I lick my lips, it’s you I taste,
Trying hard to end my day,
On my mind, there you’ll stay,
My need for you burns like fire,
To touch your skin, I desire,
Run your hands across my hips,
I need to feel your fingertips,
Your kisses take my breath away,
But it’s your love I want today,
The sweat beads up from the heat,
Something we must try to beat,
Layer by layer we try to cope,
But alas there is no hope,
I look and see your shining skin,
I can’t help it, I give in,
A kiss is all it really takes,
To start the love we will make,
Complete and total bliss,
Is not the only thing I miss,
When we indulge in our sweetest sin,
I know that there is more than skin,
Laying there with you next to me,
I think of all we can be,
Soulmates, lovers, a perfect match,
My true love, we’ll stay attached.
vulger words
Motherfuckers, kiss my ass,
It may be harsh, it may be crass,
Go to hell you fucking bitch,
I hope you die in a ditch,
All you bastards don’t know shit,
Ignorant pricks and useless tits,
I’d kill you all if I could,
You all think I’m understood,
You don’t know shit about my life,
I wish you all could feel my strife,
Maybe then you’d understand,
You stil don’t know? Take my hand,
Look in my eyes and you will find,
That I know I’ll be left behind,
Motherfuckers, kiss my ass,
It may be harsh, it may be crass,
Fuck you all and go to hell,
And maybe then you can tell.
running rampant
My thoughts are runnin rampant,
going each and everyway
checking out every possibility
and its startin to drive me up the wall.
Why cant things be simple and straight,
confusion i hate,
why cant we all just be simple and relate
but instead play these stupid games.
dark heart suffers
Depression lurks
just beyond the shadows-
So thick with blackness
so cold yet warm with welcome-
Suffering within itself
capturing its prey-
Hundreds at a time-
All youth-
Victory comes when the life is taken
a vampires kiss
Blood drips slowly
Trickling over skin
Once so radiant and peach
Now so thin and pale-
Were you ever really there?
or did I dream you?
This cant be so
For my dreams never come true...
one decision
Torn between two
One is wanted
The other needed-
Craving both
Needing resolution-
Is Love greater than Lust?
or do I not allow it?
in my blood she swims
the other makes that blood flow-
Decisions need to be reached-
Will I not choose either?
you kissed me
You Kissed me when you loved me
You did it when I was sad. You said you did it that night because you wanted to but things just don’t feel right.
You kissed me just a few days ago, when you said you made a mistake. But now you are avoiding me and going back to old ways.
I lied to people when they asked me, cause I didn’t want to be the reason things were bad. But now there is a reason you stay with him and that is really okay. I don’t want to be with you because your mouth just spits out lies. You said I made you happiest and that I was beautiful when i cried.
I still love you cause I’m hopeless. I listen to all you say. I love our conversations but you always go away.
I’m not going to lie anymore about what you say to me. behind closed doors you offer me the love and relationship I wanted, but in the light of day and infront of your friends and public you shy away.
I’m not playing these games anymore, I’m not dealing with all this pain. Just give me what I’ve wanted and my stuff back and I’ll let you go away.
Just don’t kiss me when you see me, don’t cry and say you don’t want me to go away. Just live with what you’ve done and make someone happy someday.
Stop being a cheating bitch. Stop saying one thing and then doing another. Stop all this pillow talk, you just playing under the covers.
I love you but you can’t commit to anyone person. You lie to me, you probably lie to him....just stop the stupid shit.
I’m leaving so I don’t have to feel like this because it really makes me sick.
I want those kisses you gave to me to be real and heartfelt. But your psycho thoughts of having us both aren’t hard to forget.
With everything that’s happened to you and me I should have just quit. But your words seem so real and your kisses so loving that I sometimes just forget....Your a liar and a cheat and it seems you haven’t changed. I’m glad I’m not in his shoes now, I remember when i was. But God shined down on me and gave me a chance to make the errors undone.
more to come