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I found out a little over a month ago that my mother is dying of lung cancer. Its in her lungs, bone and lymph nodes. My mother and I are very close, we've been through alot and made it through it all together. I love her so much and I can't even imagine the day when shes not here anymore. I just don't know...some days are good for her and some aren't. The doctor gave her months to live, not years. I look at my 3 yr old daughter and tell myself my mother has to stick around or else shes never gonna know how great her grandma is. I know I'm gonna fall apart it's just a matter of how bad. I know my children need me too, thats whats keeping me half way sane right now. I have my brother thats 28 and paralyzed from the nipple down living with me. Some times I just want to lay down in my room and have all day just for me and then I feel bad for feeling that way. I feel like I'm about to just snap.. if anyone can understand that. Idk. I love my brother but its a big job and no one else in my family will take him or help him because hes been so mean to them all since his wreck. I can only imagine how he feels now, he hates life. I get that, but he doesn't have to scream and hit and act like a moron. I am literally his last hope as far as living in a home setting goes and I've been doing it about 6 months. Most days are ok but some are pure hell. I'm afraid I'm gonna resent him later because I had to be there with him and not spend the time I wanted to with my mother. I just feel like giving up sometimes. shrug..
