smurf44's blog: "my mind is spinning"

I really don't care for Christmas to many bad memories. I lost my son 3 days after his 3rd birthday on Dec. 5th, my brother was born on Dec. 5th and died May 30, 1995, and and got put in the system w/ my siblings a long time ago. So Christmas kinda' reminds me of what I don't have instead of being grateful for the things I do have. Anyways, no one wants to hear this sh--it

There are so many people that have a lot to say about my life and the way I run it but yet when I wanna' talk or anything to friends and the half of a family I got are all like whatever. We have our own problems. Or I know that I doing the wrong thing but have no way to change it because of the situtaion I'm in with no transportation. Just am not happy with myself and neither are others but get it thrown in my face all the time. If I had a way to changes things I would. I am trying to move into the city so I can have bigger and better things. Yes, things and people suck but the people that are close to me shouldn't judge me they should love me and support me even if they don't agree. Well, I guess I care to much about what people think about me. Maybe I should say the heck with it all. Am very confused about everything in and out of my life right now. Wondering is it a good thing I'm here or should I be gone for good in every aspect.