I had an adventure last night!! I'm sitting here at my puter.. I hear this scratching clicking sound coming from someplace I can't pinpoint.. I think it's the cat playing with a plant or whatever.. Nope.. Cuz now it's getting louder and faster, it sounds almost, determined.. I realize it's coming from behind me... So I turn around.. All I can see is the built in hutch with my wife's decorative shit all over it.. It's about 9 feet tall.. We have High ceilings in our house about 10.5 feet. From the corner of the top the hutch I see what looks to me Like I GIANT mother fucking spider trying crawl out of the top.. Then the son-of-a-bitch started flying!!!
It was a god dam BAT!!!!!
I live in the city guys.. That shit just don't happen.. I start screaming like my 6 year old daughter watching Friday the 13th.. Friggin thing is flying around my dining room.. Then he flies back behind the hutch!!!
I'm like.. "ummmmmmmm"
Fuck it!! ... Google!! .... "How to remove flying bat from your house.." What pops up you ask??
"Bats flying in your house is not normal.." I'm like, "NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!"
My wife calls her Mother who lives out in the country. She Says.. It's simple.. Just catch it and put it outside..
.......
Listen that might work for country girl over there but here.. I touch a bat, I'm fuckin Vampire..
So anyway.. We open all the doors in the house, turn on all the lights. Guess what else I learned on google.. Bats.. They aren't blind.. Yeah.. I know.. WTF!! The one thought keeping me even a lil brave was "at least he can't see me.." uh uh.. He can see me.. He can see that vein in my neck. He wants to eat me!!!!!!
So, the thing finally gets out again and starts zooming around. Now my wife.. God Bless her.. I love her but, STOP HELPING ME!!! She's hitting me pans and brooms and shit.. She wonders why I don't let her play softball with me..
I throw a big blanket over the hutch to keep the thing from flying back there again.. I have a towel, and am wearing, a motorcycle helmet, work gloves, and have pot holders on over them!!! Buffy's got nothing on me, I look like fuckin robo-cop..
Now in hind-sight I know the thing isn't any bigger then a mouse. But, when its flying at my head it looks like an effing TERADACTYL!!!!
We have all the door open I'm chasing this thing & he's chasing me.. Finally, that god dam worthless piece of shit Cat we have, comes strolling in the house.. Looks at me like "WTF are you doing?? And then he sees it..!!!!
'OOOOH" he said..
That fat cat did something I didn't know was possible... It ran in the opposite direction of the bat. Jumped on the puter chair, then the desk, then took what seemed like 5 steps up the wall and caught that friggin thing out of the sky as it swooped around..
I was like "HELL YEAH!!!!" The bat was like "Oh shit"..
Somehow, He managed to get back in the air... flew into the kitchen towards my wife.. She dove, screaming, over the table and the bat flew out the kitchen door..
Then I had a drink...
I fed my cat a can of bumble bee tuna.. I mean the good stuff.. All white chunky tuna..
The cat can stay a lil longer..
