True happiness has not come easily to me although I've fought so hard for contentment
I've been close to true joy so many times and then disheartened by cruelty and resentment
As a young girl I experienced the greatest joy when my father's precious time was promised to me
But the pain that I felt when his indifference showed through bit deeper than anyone could see
I put a smile on my face, held back the tears, pretending I could handle being forgotten once more
I learned not to put so much trust in a man who viewed time with his daughter as a burdensome chore
As I grew older I was faced with a painful realization: my mother loved someone other than me
At first I was happy, he seemed so much fun; and mom was jut glowing with this new ecstasy
But hurtful words of contempt and painful blows of frustration soon replaced the laughter and smiles
The monster was emerging from this facade of a man; but my mother was blinded by his devious wiles
As I became a woman, I experienced my first hug, my first kiss, my first love, my first heartbreak
The high that you feel when your heart has that flutter can blind you to all that is truly in store
I have honestly loved all the men that i "liked" and felt a true broken heart every time that love died
I felt I'd never find the perfect one, that true love, the man who would try just as hard as I tried
I had a certain faith in the constancy of friends, that no matter what befell us, tried and true we'd be
But friendship is a word that means nothing to many, few truly stood by me in the face of adversity
I told secrets to those who requite with betrayal and put trust in friends who repaid with deceit
Trust confidants with no more loyalty to me than they would show to many strangers they meet
There came a point in my life when I found I must fight for true joy and work hard for a lasting peace
Once that realization was clear to me, I wasn't surprised by the hurt, and I learned how to release
The fact that my father could so easily forget that his daughter was waiting for and trusting in him
Was due to an illness, an imperfection he acquired, an horrible demon called alcoholism
So I learned not to raise my hopes up so high, and to take what he was offering to me
His love, though not his time; his thoughts, though not his words; his intent though not his constancy
My mother was fighting to keep her family together and her forgiveness surpassed Barry's ways
She saw deep in his heart and held out hope for an increase in the happier and untroubled days
Although i was saddened by her loyalty to him because I felt she was allowing his hostility
I now understand she had deep love for us all and was trying her best to keep peace in the family
I have been searching for so very long, attempting to find a man who would give me his heart
And along came my husband who handed over his soul, his devotion showed through from the start
My past heartaches and pain, and distrust of men has long since vanished right into thin air
The commitment we have, and the love that we share is the answer to my heart's only prayer
Friendship was always important to me and it hurts when others don't view it as such
As I grew older I found that childhood friends moved on and would rarely attempt to keep touch
But the true test of friendship is loyalty, will I be there for her although she's turned her back on me
As a true friend I will always have an open door because if I didn't then what kind of friend would I be
From my father I learned to accept things I can't change; my mom showed me how strong love can be
My husband has given me the greatest joy, and I found that true friendship endures through adversity
Each and every obstacle I have overcome has made me stronger and has shaped me somehow
So I am grateful for the experiences I've had, for these events have formed me into who I am now
