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Well I know I have not done a blog in a long time but no one really reads this shit anyway. This is more for myself than anything. Do not expect it to be really read as most people on here are not real friends anyway, even any of the over 1,000 people on my "friends list". What a fucking joke that is. Hardly anyone on my "friends list" even talks to me. Everyone is so worried about leveling and all kinds of other stupid shit than actually getting to know you. Man I sure do miss the old fubar back when it was CherryTap. At least then I may of only had a couple hundred people on my friends list but most of us actually talked to each other. Been thinking about just deleting a ton of people that I never talk to or who never talk to me or just deleting my whole account and just keeping my Facebook account. At least I have real friends on there...plus most of my family on there as well.
So broke up with my long-time girlfriend and it is funny how now I am being made out to be the bad guy. Also, it is funny how people seem to think that anything she has ever done is a result of me or the way I treated her, or maybe because I did not validate her, or give her enough or the right kind of love. Seems to me like they are all talking out of ignorance to the real situation. Well let me set a few things straight for those of you assholes and bitches who I know have been opening you mouths without knowing the real or even whole story. First and foremost...am I an asshole...yes at times I can be, but if I am an asshole to someone it is because they deserve it and have done something to me or someone I love and care about. Now before any of you keep opening your mouths about my relationship with my ex-girlfriend than you need to know the truth. Am I perfect...no, but then again no one on this entire fucking planet is. Now let me tell you the truth of our relationship.
I met my ex-girlfriend in the winter of 2006/2007 and at the time I was staying with a cousin of mine. At the time I should of known better than to ever get with her as she had a boyfriend Robbie and was cheating on him with a friend of my cousin's and his wife whose name was Moe. Now the fact that she was cheating on Robbie with Moe should of been a sign to me that she was not a morale woman and was not the woman for me, but I have never been perfect and believes everyone deserves a second chance int life. So we started getting close and in March of 2007 I asked her to be my girlfriend. She accepted. Well not even a month after we were going out with each other she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend Robbie. Well needless to say I was very pissed-off. But I did not break-up with her, I did however ask her about it several times over months and she kept on lying to me and said nothing happened. Well I knew this was a lie and figured and I would use any means at my disposal to find out the truth. I happen to have several uncles and other family members who work for the government, so i figured I would see if I could get my hands on copies of her cell phone calls and texts to have the evidence I needed to prove I knew what she had done. Well she did eventually tell me the truth that she had slept with her ex-boyfriend Robbie. I broke up with her, but I did eventually take her back as I am all about having a second or sometimes third or even fourth chance in life because people are not perfect and will fuck up, sometimes more than once.
So I took her back and for awhile things seemed to be going really good, not to say that there were never problems but they were always short lived and were always worked out. Then she joined fubar and that was not a problem for awhile until she decided to become a full-blown fu-whore, which I did have a problem with. Also, at this point I was the only one of the two of us working which was also a problem to me. I want a partner, not a mooch who sits at home and does nothing but be a fu-whore while I work my ass off to provide for us. Hell I even got hit by a car while doing my bike taxi job. And as soon as I healed up from my injuries I went out and started looking for another job. Now I must admit that after being hit by the car my short-term memory is not the best. Some things do not make it from the short-term memory into the mid-term memory or long-term memory centers of my brain. So I cannot tell you a count of all the guys my ex-girlfriend has had sex with either for her own personal pleasure or for money. And oh yes her anser to me wanting her to work was to become a prostitute, even though it made me angry to know she was fucking for money. Of course she did not care how I felt about it, but then again as far as I am concerned she never cared about me period.
So I tried to work through things with her and continued to try to make our relationship work. I continued to be the only one holding a real job. And even went back to my bike taxi job because I could make better money doing that than most of the other jobs I could get here in Houston with felonies for drug possession on my record. This city has a lot of discrimination towards people who have felonies. It can be very hard to get a good job or find a nice apartment complex to live in. So I continued to be the only one holding down a real job and was trying to work on our relationship and get her to work with me. Well needless to say it never happened and as a result of her continuing to sell herself for money my sexual desire for her went away. Kind of hard for me to be turned on by a woman who sells her body for money. Not to say we never had sex after that point but it was very rare and normally when I was extremely horny and usually emotionally vulnerable. Also, during this period she decided she wanted an "open relationship", which in reality was a joke because what she really wanted was for her to be able to do whatever she wanted but the first time she found out I had recieved a blowjob from a woman who rode on my bike she got angry as fuck.
Now we continued to stay together and things were going along in this time period which stretched from 2010-2011. Then last January my boss at my bike taxi job decided we were going to go work all the bowl games in Texas and Louisiana. As winter is one of the hardest periods in the bike taxi business I had no choice but to go out on the road and follow the money. During this period in January of 2011 is when my ex-girlfriend got pregnant. Now we had sex when I came back home from The Cotton Bowl in January so the timing was right around the time she got pregnant so I automatically assumed the kid was mine. Well it is never good to presume anything. Apparently she had also had sex with a drug dealer in our apartments for $50 and some marijuana for me and my cousin, which is funny because I di not even see half of the marijuana she said she got from the guy(and yes I smoke marijuana...tough if you do not like it, but I do no other drugs and do not drink either...it may be illegal but marijuana is far better than alcohol or even cigarettes). Also, during this period she was fucking Gabe, her new boyfriend and lying to me about it as well. So here we are the kid is born and I think he is either mine or the drug dealer she fucked for what amounts to nothing, because $50 and not even $50 in weed is worth selling your ass for, at least to me. But even if he is the drug dealers I figure he will never take responsibility for him and I continue to love my ex-girlfriend even after all the nasty shit she has done to me, so I claim the boy as mine. I even go as far as to name him in our family manner...giving him the name of my father and her grandfather which was the closest thing to a father she had. I also give him our family middle name which is handed down from the Irish side of our family marrying into the English side of the family. Then I come to find out that my suspicion that she had been fucking around with Gabe was confirmed when she told me that it was possible the kid was his.
Now this was the straw that broke the camel's back for me and I had decided that enough was enough. I was tired of being lied to and having her fucking other men. So I broke up with her. Now this is not to say I do not still lover her even though I was willing to break up with her, I am just not going to let her continue to treat me like shit anymore. Now to set some things straight, yes I did have pictures of her up after we broke up because I was in a very deep depression, even though about commiting suicide and had a bottle of sleeping pills to take. Had thought about hanging, being a jumper, cutting my wrists...length wise not across, and even blowing my brains out, but decided on a more calm and less messy way of ending my life, but now I want to stay alive if for no other reason but to be an asshole to all those who deserve it and for some other reasons I will not discuss on the internet. But for all those opening your mouth about shit you do not know or because you are listening to her lies shut the fuck up and learn the truth. Oh and by the way, she does not know who the daddy of that boy is...there are any one of three or more men that could be the daddy of that child and until she knows for sure she cannot tell you who is the father of that child...end of story!!!
So my life has been going about the same. Still working and trying to get by. Hoping things will get better, but I highly doubt it. I hate the winter months in my line of work. I so cannot wait for the Super Bowl though. Also, Football fans are the best part of Winter though. Dallas Cowboy fans are awesome and great to hang out with. I have found many other teams fans fun to hang out with too. Detroit Lions, New York Jets, and several other teams have fans that are truly awesome. They love to come out and have a great time. They can be so awesome to hang out with. They come out to have a good time and enjoy themselves.
Wondering if that one true love will ever find me. Hating I fucked things up with my ex-wife, but that was a long time ago and there is no use sulking about the past. Especially when it has been over a decade now. I meet so many women that seem to like me as much as I like them, but unfortunately for me most of them are with another guy. Why is it that I cannot find some chemistry with a woman who is single? Maybe things will get better. Just would love to finally meet that special someone.
Well I am going to go to bed soon. Hoping to have a good day on Thursday. Sucks to have to work on Thanksgiving, but that is the way it is sometimes. At least I get to hang out with some cool people.
Have you ever hated your life? I know I have. Have you ever felt like no one cares about you? I know I have? Have you ever felt like you would never find someone who truly loves you and appreciates you? I know I have. Have you ever felt as if no one understands you? I know I have. Have you ever felt as if things were never going to get better? I know I have? I know this may sound like a self-pity party, but a lot of time I feel this way. It seems everytime I have thought I have found a person who will be my partner in life or maybe even my soulmate I find I am wrong. At almost 40 I find myself wondering if I will ever find true love or if I am destined to be miserable for the rest of my life. I know I am not perfect and I have never been looking for perfection. I have always been looking for what my parents had in each other...a partner.
Is that too much to ask for anymore? Maybe. If I work is it too much to ask that my girlfriend cleans while I am busting my ass to pay the bills? Maybe. Is it too much to ask that other people do not come before our lives together? Maybe. I just do not know anymore. I guess I got the wrong message from my parents or something because no one I have been with since my ex-wife seems to think of being a partner in life the same way I do. Maybe I am asking for too much. I just do not know anymore. I see on here all the time women posting these tag pics that say "I would like to meet one man who will prove to me that they are not all the same." I guess that would be me with women. I would like to find one who will prove that not all women are the same.
In this world it seems people seem to think it is ok to be a liar and a cheater. People say they want love but when there is a good person who would love to be with them there is always some reason they do not want them. People say personality is important but their actions prove different. I may not be sexy like some actor or make a shit-load of money but I am a good man. So why is that not enough? Why do people have to lie about what they want in a partner? Do they think that the lie makes them out to be a decent person? Do they not realize that people will learn that what they say is a lie? I just do not know.
Well I am going to end this for now...not like anyone will probably read it or anything. Most of the time no one seems to care about me on here, so I will just return to my misery in private and act like everything is fine.
Since I was in here last there has been a lot going on in my life. I did not loose my apartment after Ike. I did manage to finally get some help after loosing my job after the storm. Pamela and I both managed to make it through that period. We got into a new apartment and I found another job to get the bills paid. 2008 ended up going ok even though I was not able to really spend anytime on fubar because of how my life was going. I worked and I worked, that was all my life was about.
2009 was a pretty good year at the beginning. The first four or five months went pretty well and then everything fell apart. Pamela lost her job. Both of our computers went down. And life in general just sucked. We kept going through it all and tried to be as positive about it all as we could keep ourselves. She managed to find another job and I ended up getting a better job than I had. Not having a computer was hard on both of us. We had to run to a library to check e-mail and normally we never had much time for fubar.
2010 has been going well. We both have jobs and the bills are normally paid on time now. And we have a computer again. I hope I can keep in better touch with some of the friends I have made on here now. I missed everyone during the over half a year I was off of fubar. I hope to hear from many of the people I used to talk to on here. This has always been my home on the web.
