redneck woman's blog: "my life sucks"

to all that know that my grandmother was sick. i have a update..... it is a very sad update. on dec2.2006 my grandmother past away she was loved by so many people she will be sadly missed she was our back bone. she was born in 8,28,1940 and died 12,2,2006 at 7pm. please everyone keep our family in your prayers for the next couple of days thanks so much. jessica ------------------------------------------------- On Oct 2, 2006 Barbara Nightingale went to heaven to be with her mom and dad James T. and Ethel Beck. She left behind a sister Betty Thum of Memphis TN married to Ronald. Three children Wayne Nightingale of Nashville TN married to Leslie, Tammy Moore of Middleburg FL, Paul Batten of Melbourne, Fl married to Yvonne. Two stepchildren Eugene Millington, Jr. of Folkston, GA. married to Mindy and Elaine Millington of Argyle, FL. 12 grandchildren Jessica Loftus, Anthony Schumacher, Andrew and Kaleb Nightingale, Dustin, Corey, Sean, Travis, and Emma Millington, Candice Douglas, Brittany and Justin Bell, four great-grandchildren, Cordale Schumacher, Taylee and Kyra Loftus, Noah Douglas. Numerous nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews and numerous adopted children and grandchildren. She also left behind a very loving and dear companion of over 32 years, Carl Millington Sr. We will all miss her dearly.

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.. Up to 80. "I want the car, too," he continues. 85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!" The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. Th is makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says. "Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag." Moral of the Story : Women are crazy!!!! Don't mess with them!! Just smile and pass this on to those who need a laugh!!!

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota, which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit me really hard where it counts most and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."