Nianu09's blog: "My Life Story"

so yar my dad gets another job offer in Conroe,Tx. i was sad that i would never see my friends from school again. there is one i managed to find on facebook but he doesn't remember me :P so i went to a new school and finished up 1st grade. the house we lived on was like a really small ranch in another forested area. we had a pasture for horses but never had any. after 1st grade we had to move again because our house kept having problems and the landlord wouldn't help fix them. a few months later my dad took him to court and we ended up winning i think. i know i went to the court when it happened but i cannot recall at all what happened. 

to this point i had had a relatively normal life. but one event changed my life forever. me and my sister used to play games in our oldest brother's room. he had some old fashioned puppets we used to play with and we'd make up dances to songs. it was fun. but one night i guess my brother was feeling.. experimental. he started askin to touch is and for us to touch or do stuff to him. it wasn't ever with me and my sister both there. just one or the other but i think he preferred me because i was older but only 7yrs old. a few times he even tried having sex with me. of course i had no idea it was bad so i actually liked it. is that normal? i feel horrible about it now. if we weren't having sex i was givin him blow jobs. somehow my parents found out so of course we had to stop. i really liked how it felt so i kept trying to pleasure myself. i didn't know how he was doing it tho. i know it sounds silly. eventually i found out how to masturbate and was doin it constantly. my mom would always yell at me if she caught me doin it. even if i was in privacy. so at that point i really started feeling bad about myself. years later i found out my brother is gay. i really hate seeing him. not because he's gay but i mean why the fuck did he have to mess with me? and was it because of me that he's gay? i'm too terrified to ask. i try not to be near him if he's at my dad's when i am.

we then moved to a town called Kingwood, Tx. the snobbies place i'd ever lived and hope to never return. when i turned 9 i had my first menstral cycle. i'd been wearing bras since i was 8 because i had big boobs for some reason. i was always laughed at at school. i didn't have any friends because i was really tall. i had this one chick that always picked on me because she could see my bra strap near the collar of my shirt. i'd just look at her and get back to whatever i was doin. usually homework or drawing. i always wore baggy clothes because i was ashamed of my boobs. i eventually got a few girl friends. we'd always play at recess and stay at each others houses. we parted ways tho when we started middle school. we were all going to different schools and one girl moved away. i haven't heard from them since.

middle school was the pits. i wasn't picked on as much but some girls would take the opportunity. i took up playing the violin for the school's orchestra. i loved it. it was so much fun and i could participate with a bunch of people without having to talk to them. after a few months i met Anna. my best friend until college. we did everything together. we always wanted to sing as a duet for the school's talent shows but we never did. she was crazy. she would meet guys on the internet and let them sneak into her room lol. i didn't even have the internet yet. when i spent the night at her house we'd stay up late lookin at porn haha. nothing amazing really happened during middle school so meh.

i think i'll end this session here. poop. more to come lol