The following are a list of my new an improved ...dirty prayers:
Please curse the wicked and bless the righteous not to be confused with the self righteous...hell just curse the wicked.
We thank you for what we have and what we will have, and we will thank you even more after we have had a few kettle ones and a midol.
Oh heavenly father please cure the confusion in this world and while you are at it please have Jenna Jameson or Kim Chambers get lost for the night so they have to show up at my place, and the "squirters" not too.
Oh please deliver us from evil and finally relieve us from the shit that is known as "Men who keep lying badly".
I do not ask for much oh lord… but I will ask for divine intervention to help me meet a man who doesn't make me sleep in the wet spot, doesn't lie, and doesn't have "internet stank" on him.
All I ask for dear lord is for the person ahead of me in traffic to be scalded with hot water so I get home in time for Scrubs.
Please cure the sick and the weak and that includes the last guy I went out with. Ty lord
Please Lord give me the strength to not smack the shit out of the last guy I went out with. He was a bad liar.
O lord we beseech and beg of you to add a prayer called "the Idiots prayer" so everybody will feel included, including the last idiot I went out with.
We have sinned and we have repented, but if we keep on doing this one of us will have a credibility problem.
Please grant me the strength to ignore anyone who calls me "beautiful" or "baby" when he's calling every other female with a pulse the same thing.
Although we are not deserving of your blessings, for the sake of everyone else, perhaps you could put the bad liars out of everyones misery and that includes politicians.
Although I am unworthy of your blessings, for the sake of both of us please make sure that they can't breed...It's all I ask
I ask not for more blessings but for more wisdom so I can lie about calling in sick and feel good about myself thereby assuring a better tomorow, hehe...woops...never ever ever again.
Do not send us confusion O Lord I have learned my lesson I swear...really...and please make it easier to find my car downtown when I forget where I parked it, and to not confuse Texas with Colorado again.
Grant me the wisdom O lord to choose and be better selective with whom I go out with from this point on :)
Oh father who art in heaven hallowed by thy name, take this damn alarm clock because this is a test I will not win, especially after wasting my time and gas on some idiot....
Oh grant me the serenity that I need so I won't fall for a mans shit again...haha done
Grant me the courage to tell this idiot to go fuck himself..done
Oh father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name… O lets cut the crap how can I concentrate on anything ever again when the guys at my work have me swoonin.....
