l's blog: "My hearts Contents"

Weak
By: Ashton Mullen

We were making a chain
Made to be strong
It started out short
but built to grow long.

It started out fine
Each link fastened tight
But I missed a small chink
that was plain out of sight.

The chain was growing
At a faster pace
but then I noticed
It start to unlace.

It stretched out far
I heard it rumble
The chink was weak
and started to crumble.

It happened so fast
I didn't expect this
The chain just snapped
Over something I missed.

We worked so hard
To build this bond
it fell apart once
and now it's gone.

You got angry
Your patience was slack
your work seemed worthless
So you turned your back.

It was my fault
I didn't see the chink
Oh why the hell
Did I not check that link?

Now I'm left alone
Holding the broken link
This issue was small
it's just a tiny kink.

This can be fixed
But you took the glue
I can't do this alone
This will take two.

I hope you come back
to finish what we started
You left me all alone
and deeply broken hearted.

You'll think about our chain
and the bond we made
This could've been fixed
if only you stayed.

But even hard workers
need a good break
cause when you come back rested
The more time you'll take.

Every good bond
has a weak link
But every great bond
will rebuild that chink.

Stitches
By:Ashton Mullen


My tears were falling
They burned like fire
He was gone
The one I desire.

My pain was real
My heart bled open
It's stitches popped
and it was broken.

But then I saw
Your face today
And my tears of sorrow
were wiped away.

You came back to me
and grabbed my hand
You pulled me up
and outta the sand.

I misunderstood
I thought you were gone
But while I was crying
You were there all along.

I know your here
And we're apart
But you haven't stopped loving me
And I still have your heart.

This is for the best
It wont remain this way
I know that it's just for now
and you'll be back someday.

You kissed me tender
and promised you'd return
and your love for me
will always burn.

With that you left
To a far away land
Then I opened up
The palm of my hand.

You left a needle and thread
To sew up my heart
With that I knew
This was our fresh start.

Stranger in my arms
by: Ashton Mullen

I was so warm
You felt so right
and in your eyes
I saw this light.

I trusted you
and loved you dear
when I was with you
I felt no fear.

Your hair was blonde
your eyes were green
you were kind to me
and never mean.

Our love was strong
Our love was pure
Without each other
We'd die for sure.

You took my hand
and promised me
that you were mine
and you'd never leave me.

But then one day
I felt this chill
your light was dim
our love grew ill.

My trust was fading
and I grew fear
You felt so distant
when I drew you near.

Your temper was short
you drove me insane
you brought me to tears
and caused me pain.

You ended us
and here I sit
broken hearted
and pondering it.

Who is this man
I'd hold at night
Who is this man
who's lost his light.

This can't be him
He wouldn't do this
break my heart
and still feel bliss.

Who is this stranger
who left me alone
the man I love
wouldn't leave me disowned.

I love this man
with all my soul
but he has changed
and I'm no longer whole.

He has my heart
but he is gone
and I lay here crying
from dusk to dawn.

I trusted that
this day wouldn't be
the day that David
no longer wanted me.

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.

Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught shit from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.

Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".

This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time."

Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a shit about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.

When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

Melt

By. Ashton Mullen

He was cold

He was tough

He had himself

and that was enough.

They'd come and go

The girls he knew

Throwing them away

and finding someone new.

He didn't care

This bastard son

He lived his own life

and needed no one.

But then she came

walked into his life

and suddenly his world

was free of strife.

She could be silly

This was for sure

but she made him laugh

and her heart was pure.

There was something about her

That changed his view

and never again

did he want someone new.

No longer did he need

Just himself

cause without her

he'd have no wealth.

She is his world

She is his cure

Without her in his life

he'd die for sure.

He was all ice

Until love was felt

She touched him once

and made him melt.

Goodbye again
By:Ashton Mullen

I guess it was all pretend
I thought he loved me, like I loved him
He said his feelings for me wouldn't end
The light around him has grown dim.

Now he doesn't wanna try
To to rebuild the friendship we had
A part of me has completly died
I'll always feel empty and sad.

Goodbye again, my oldest friend
Who I've loved all my life
My broken heart cannot be mend
You've cut me like a knife.

Goodbye again, my first love
I guess it wasn't meant to be
I'm like a fallen broken dove
Your words had shot at me.

I just got over a severe staff infection in my face and has left me scarred...and now...out of no where...I've gone deaf in one ear.

The scary part is...I already have hearing trouble in the other ear. I may be going completely deaf...I'm hoping it's just tinnitis...but if it is...then why can't I hear? It started out buzzing and ringing to faint hearing loss...now it's the next night and I'm nearly deaf completely...I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow if it's the same or has worsened...

Wish me luck please...or praying would be even better. If you could show me some fu-luv I'd appreciate it...I need all the luv I can get...

Dreamer
by: Ashton Mullen

She was in class, but oh so lost
She wasn't focused and didn't get caught
Many times a grade was cost
But she didn't care, she was lost in thought.

Her world was beautiful, that was for sure
So innocent, careless, simple, and clean
This was her escape and it was oh so pure
There was no one to judge her or be mean.

She hated reality and everyone in it
No one could understand her kind
The type who didn't mind to go to a corner and sit
And drift off into her own creative mind.

She's a girl who dreams during the day
Her false reality keeps her at bliss
But one sad day, come what may
Her false reality will be at miss.

That girl got older and is now fully grown
Her imagination grew leaner
But sometimes when she's all alone
She returns to her world, as that same old dreamer.

Wounded Soldier
by: Ashton Mullen

Your face is straight
Your eyes are cold
But stay standing proud
Because you have soul.

The smoke is thick
Your chains are strong
You will feel sick
And your battle will be long.

Times are tough
And you have been scarred
This battle will be rough
And you'll feel caged and barred.

You are a wounded Soldier
But don't take defeat
And as you get older
You'll stand on your own two feet.

You're a fighter, and a strong one
You're very determined to win
You're damaged, but don't come undone
Cause, you will be born again.

Wounded soldier, face this fight
Hold on to your gun, sword, and pride
Keep going even in the black of night
Until the cannons blast have finally died.

So don't give up, even if you're hurt
Don't worry, this war will soon be over
So rise up out of this mud and dirt
You are a hero David, my wounded soldier.

Porcelain Doll
by: Ashton Mullen

There she lay
On that cold floor
He broke her today
Her heart shattered to the core.

The man she cared so much for
Who she thought more of over all
Played with her and walked out her door
And broke her like a Porcelain doll.

She cared for him from the start
He gained her friendship and trust
Her feelings grew stronger for him at heart
But his were stronger for lust.

When another came into his life
She grew to hate herself
Their friendship quickly turned into strife
And she was put on the shelf.

He must have lied, When he said he cared
He showed nothing when she cried
Sadly, it could have been avoided and spared
It was her fault that a part of her died.

She knew he didn't love her
But she fell for him anyway
He said he felt like her brother
But lust got in the way

He had his fun and walked out the door
Never to return at all
She let herself be played and dropped on the floor
It's her fault he broke her like a porcelian doll.