Bynar's blog: "yea, ok"

For the past 3 months, my wife and I have been spilt apart.. she wants nothing to do with me, which i can kinda understand.. me and her have been together for 5 years and most (90%) of the time, i was a shity husband, and father to our boys..

about 6 months ago, i left to go to CA so i could try to get a job, and move them there to better our lives.. while i was there, i started to see just how bad i was to them, and i started changing my ways, betterin myself for me, and my family.. while i was there, she left me cause she didnt think i was changing, which was a mistake.. so i came back to Ar, so i could be closer to them.. granted, i have only got to see them 3 times since i been back, i have been proving to her day after day that i have changed and that i am a better person.. its hard to do that over a comp and the phone and i really hate it cause she cant see the change in me, i have tried and tried to show her but nothing..

i can understand alittle why she thinks i am lieing because she has left me 3 times in the past and everytime she came back, i would change and be good but i would fade back (alittle, not all the way) to being the asshole after like 2 weeks.. but things are different this time.. i have been a loving and careing father to our boys and been tryin to prove to her that i love her deeply and this has been goin on for about 2 3/4 months now, everyday..and i will not stop, i hate the person i was and refuse to be that way ever again.. i know the only way for her to accept the change and believe that i have changed is for her to be around me all the time.. ( now, to the point of this blog)..

she has been showin nothing but hate towards me and its tearin my world apart, i hate what she has become but i dont care how much pain, how bad she is to me, i will always love her deeply, my heart will always belong to her... i will keep tryin to prove to her that i do love her, that she will be happy with me cause i dont want to lose her, my life will be incomplete without her in it.. she is the air i breath and the dreams i see when i sleep..so with that said, i will go through what ever it takes for me to win her heart back, i wont let go of the love i have for her...

so SIN, if you see this, I love you with every being of my soul and i wish you would love me again...i dont want to live my life without your love... like i said to you before, i would lay my life on the line for you and our boys without question cause my life is worthless without you and our boys here with me anyways...