So...
its been called to my attention that my best friends are and always have been right.
I give so damn much of myself for my loved
ones that I dont have anything left for me.
Nothing. No matter what, I always go above and beyond. For anyone....regardless of how much i
get hurt in the process, no matter how behind I get in bills and in life. I never care. Because
I was doing for someone that meant a lot to me.
So...here I sit now....
a extremely wounded heart
a shattered mind....I cant even think straight
right now....every where I turn I see someone's
face right there....I dont enjoy anything anymore.
Concerts ive gone to, im staring into the distance....went to the movie with my brother today, Hannibal Rising, good movie....but my
fucking mind kept wandering. I swear its going to
be the death of me one day. I already lost enjoyment in everything that I do.....its only a matter of time that I dont care anymore at all.
And im trying to stop myself but damn....
These last couple of weeks have been pure hell for me...I jump in my car that I was barely comfortable with driving around the area in, and drive across THREE STATES!! to be there by someones side...never once did i think Damn what happens if i break down out here..I didnt care...i was just damn determined to get my ass up there to her. And i do...i made it....
granted plans got all fucked up beyond my control and i wasnt able to get shit done....at least I TRIED...I made it there....
So i come back home upset...upset because I didnt
know who to talk to about this, the person it involved closed herself off to everything anyway.
This past week I actually risk my life for this person, to help them have the strength they needed to recover. It left me bedridden for two fucking days. Did this person call to check on me? Nope. Bother to message me to see how im doing? Nope.....what were they doing? While I closed up my business that I built from scratch and worked my ass off on, and refused to get out of my house, not wanting to see anyone or do anything....they go out drinking....and meeting people... Hey its cool its a free country right? well I just hate to think that im the only one that would think enough to be there for someone as much as they were there for me....maybe I am
the only one..who fucking knows anymore...
So moving on now its going to be hard as hell
but I cant keep doing this shit to myself. Its
emotional suicide. I cant do it anymore...
Unless things change very fucking soon I will have to sever all ties completly to this person
because I dont have it in me anymore....
Dean Dark
