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Dear Diary,
I stand half naked in front to the bay window, I reach into my bag, I pulled out my book and pen, I being to write to you, diary. This is my resource to keep my wicked deeds straight. I no longer know how many I have killed or will kill in the mere future. All I know…
I have killed again today. I found it thrilling. But I guess I will tell more to you. All my hidden deeds that brought death to men and women, who mistreated others, I choose them…because of my past. No one has to the divine right to hurt someone else. I can no longer stomach what is going in life, so what I had to become is now…
Is no longer lightness or goodness in life, it has become darkness seeking out justice for those who can’t fight back like….me at one time in my dark past. I am no longer sure….I’m making the wrong or right choices, but do know…
Give those back what they place others…is only fair and right. Making them live and come to know their sick and twisted reasoning….wasn’t what I or those they hurt felt at the time.
I pause.
I slip on my tight black skirt, then I slip on my bra and shirt, I turn to see him looking at me. I slip on my thigh high heel black boots, I toss my long brown hair out of my face, my green eyes of danger flash no hope for his life to be saved. I turn to look out and write more into you, diary.
Why…why do I feel nothing for life? Why am I so cold and distant from human life and law? Was it because of my past? Or was it because of the choices force upon me in a moment that needed to end before it was too late. I have no regrets. I have no heart and soul anymore. Dear diary….I am Satan’s daughter doom to forever to be lost in this darkness I was molded into? Has God turn his back on me or does God understand why I am doing this? If I must be honest…then I must say….
I no longer care if Satan or God approves of what I am doing. I only know…I live for it.
I guess so many times diary, you want answer to when or how nightmare’s does begun or end? I guess sitting here looking out over life and wishing I had made better choices for siblings and myself. I would not be facing what I am facing now. Yet future is never within my reach, I am always force to live in the present and past. I guess I could never let go of what happen to me or what terrible things in my life I was force to listen too, watch and live.
Now I wondering if I had made the right choice or wrong choice in my pathway of making sure no one hurt me or two sisters, even my young brother, whose mind is still lost within his body. I love them all, I know as I stand here looking out into life…
I would never allow nothing to harm them or ever come to take them away.
This is my story. I only pray…
No other child in life has to do what I have to do or make the choice in that may not be the best choices in life, but I live with no regret.
I no longer see the goodness and pureness within me that was there long ago, now I only see the darkness and horror I have become of what was place upon me and the choices I had to make and take in order to protect myself and my younger siblings.. I have become my own worst nightmare walking and existing within life that brings death to all, who comes into my life. I protect what is mine! No one will ever again possess my body or force my body to endure whatever….no I will possess, fight back and own those who walk upon my forbidden ground of life.
I AM NOT GOD’S ANGEL…I AM DEATH WALKING UPON REALITY.
No longer does my heart and soul live to love and walk within the light of God, if you were ever to speak about God words to me…well let just say. It would be the last words you would speak about to me or anyone else. I am no longer a perfect child born within innocent….I am what my beloved father molded and set free to become a endless terror and horror upon all life within my reach. I stand here watching the rain fall, I listen to gulping sound behind me….I guess this fool lying upon the bloody floor wasn’t smart enough to get it, when I told him just simply turn around and walk away from me before it was too late. Now he is dying, I turn my green eyes upon his trembling body and smile. I have no more reasons to believe in honor and goodness upon this world. I have lived through the darkness and horror of it, so now I must protect myself and my three younger siblings.
I turn away from the large bay window looking over the large city far below this penthouse, I slowly walk over to him, I stand over him, I coldly say, “I warned you to walk away. I warned you about reaching out to me or wanting something from me, when you have no right to my body. Now you die knowing….I am the last one you will force your nasty intentions upon.” I see his weeping tears as his gasp for another breathe, but I see only death finally claim his worthy essence. I move away from his dead body, I walk back over to the window. I take deep breath.
Forgive me not….for I am will never be sorry for taking his life or the many others. I was force to become this nightmare upon life.
I turn away from the window, I pick up my saber, I place into my thing high boot, I shake my long brown about my heavy breast, I smiled….I did get off when I killed him. I learned pleasing myself will my prey is dying is a better thrill than having the real thing with man or woman. I have been with both; I was offer to many other when my father was low on money, once he ran through my mother money and insurance. I am wonder what he would think of me now, if…..
Oh yeah….
He was the first victim of my rage and coming alive into the darkness. He was his fate that he created by doing what he do to me. He left me no choice, but I will explain it all in this writing. But for now….
Jessie, Susie and Sam need me. I must leave this dark place of death and take care of them….they will always come first. I have been always their protector and care taker. Now I must go home to make sure they are okay. No court….No Social Service ever dare come between us. When they tried…..well lets say. Their fate was the same dealt upon my father.
Law…well I have come to see…you can’t trust it or turn to it. I have learned….the only law that works…is mine. I stand my ground…I protect what is mine. I will kill and die in order to keep my three siblings safe. This is my only choice in life. As I walk to the front door, I take a long look at his naked dead body, I whispered out, “You do have nice cock between your legs, but you picked the wrong girl to bring home.” I stepped out and walked towards the elevator. I enter.
The doors closed.
I lean back, my hands run about my body….yeah a body mold for sin, yet this body….only pleasure is play toys and my hands. I have come to live without human need upon my body. I will not be owned or possessed by no one. I am control of this body and life.
I walk out of the tall glassy building where I just killed another foolish man, who thought because my ass…was just right to bump up against, my breast were heavenly feast to dare to touch. My hips swaying to the music in such a way to make cocks stand attention with need of my service….oh shit…do men really thing they are greatest gift from god for us….if they do.
They haven’t met me yet. So fools come on…I got something that going to end that foolish dream and narrow mind way of thinking. Come…fools…make my day turn into darkness running red with your life blood. I am waiting for you. Don’t keep me waiting to long…I may just get restless and eager to come out and start searching for you. Hell….Why not. I love the thrill of hunt.
©2010 Firestar
