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My grandmother will be 96 on 9/11 of this year, but she will not be here to celebrate this birthday.
For the past 32 years I have been able to pick up the phone and call. Get any kind of advice that i needed. Soon that will be gone. My emotions are raw, my eyes hurt from crying and I struggle with understanding so much in life.
See, my grandmother fell on Tuesday. After the fall she complained of her stomach hurting very badly. A CT Scan was done to figure out what was the cause of the pain. We are told that she has cancer. Not just in one place but all over. The one woman that has been healthy, always on the go, is now sick with no symptoms to show.
Yesterday Hospice came in and evaluated her. Took her to their facility to get pain management under control. All we can do now is keep her comfortable. After the facility doctors came in, he let us know that in cases like this, the patient usually dies in four weeks.
I sit here feeling sorrow, pain, distress at times and in awe as well. I feel excitement to think that my grandmother will soon meet her maker. She will be with her husband, son and two daughters that have already left us. I wonder what it will be like when she gets to see all of her brothers and sisters as well as her mom adn dad. (she was one of 12 children and the only one that is still with us)
My grandmother made beautiful afghans and porcelain dolls. She would pour into a mold, wait for them to harden, fire them, paint them, dress them, and yes she even showed them and won some awards.
She took care of family when needed and would not accept help from others when she was down. I look up at her with gratitude and praise. I strive to be a woman like her. To care for my family and friends when I am needed. To be quick to listen and slow to answer. To give my all in doing a task, not just half of me but all of me.
She loved one man. We lost him when I was around 5, I think. She never married again. She always said that John was her only love and no man could be like him. She would talk of him and you could see the spark in her eyes. She love the Marine that defended his country and the man that came home from war to start a family business to provide for his family.
I will really miss her. I can hear her voice in my ears telling me, Wendy I am here. Even though I am gone, I am still with you. So, even as my heart is breaking, I know deep down even when she dies, she will still be with me, cheering me on through my life.
