My Dear friend,
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the bitch/bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you got laid really good and are happy.
4. When you are scared - I will be your protector. I will rag on you about it every chance I get until your fears are gone.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use small words and help you understand.
7. When you are sick, I will give you the best medical advice and medicine that I have, but stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your ass, and then help you up to get you going.
This is my oath...... I pledge it 'til the end. Why, you may ask, because you are my friend.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a dead body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
