The last month I have felt like nothing is worth doing.Everyday I have to go to work and I dont want to.I want to be home with Dylan and Dave.I feel like everything I do is pointless.Sometimes I feel pointless.I feel like a let down as a mother,sister,daughter,wife,friend,human.
I just feel burnt out.I work 2 jobs to support my family.My day time job I am busy doing a shit load of stuff.I work for my parents,I am an office manager but I always have to do whatever they tell me to do.So every 2 weeks I drive 2 hours to the Indy office and spend the next 7 hours cleaning so my Dad can hand me a 100 dollar bill and say great job then I drive for 3 hours to get home cuz of the traffic.I have to do it cuz Im the only one to do it.And I think I should do it seeing as how my parents gave me life.I do anything and everything they tell me to do.I have never told them no and have always been there when I was needed.But I sometimes get treated like I do nothing and that hurts knowing all I do.I don't want a prize or anything but don't talk to me like I just sit and do nothing.So I feel like Why do I do everything all the time when I am going to get treated like I am worthless?
One thing that has really had me sad is not getting to have another baby.I want another baby so bad.I wish I could turn it off but I can't.My best friend had a baby April 10th and it has made it worse.When she calls and talks about how she hates staying up all night feeding and all I can think is god I want to do that.I want that to be me so bad.I cry alot over it and hate it.And people say they understand but they don't.Knowing that I have no choice in not haveing a baby that I want so badly hurts.I dont want to feel resentment and I am very afraid I will or well really I am afraid I already do.I don't want to cry anymore.I just want to get over this.
