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DaLobo The Pinkish One's blog: "My EMG"

created on 04/10/2008  |  http://fubar.com/my-emg/b206073
Electromyogram: An electromyogram (EMG) is a test that measures the electrical discharges made by the muscles. It can determine whether muscle weakness or paralysis is due to a nerve problem or to a problem with the muscle itself. During an electromyogram, a thin needle is placed in a muscle to measure its electrical activity at rest and during use. The needle is attached to a machine with a viewing screen (like a TV) that displays electrical activity in the muscles as waves on the screen.

Nerve conduction studies:Nerve conduction studies are tests that measure how well individual nerves can send an electrical signal from the spinal cord to the muscles. Nerve conduction studies are often used to help diagnose nerve disorders, such as carpal tunnel syndrome or Guillain-Barré syndrome. During a nerve conduction test, a health professional places a shock-emitting electrode directly over the nerve to be studied, and a recording electrode over the muscles supplied by that nerve. The shock-emitting electrode sends repeated, brief electrical pulses to the nerve, and the recording electrode records the time it takes for the muscle to contract in response to the electrical pulse.

A couple of months ago, I injured my neck at work. Dr.s called it a cervical strain. One of the side effects of the injury was a numbness in my left arm. To figure out what was going on, the Dr ordered an EMG with an NCS.

Now, I like to think of myself as a tough guy. Heck, I've survived two marriages, the Gulf War, and a myriad of other close calls. Nothing in my life time prepared my for this. If you want something to compare it to think about the feeling you get when you stick you finger in a light socket.

After about 5 minutes of having electrical impulses shot through my arm, I cracked. I confessed everything. Yes, I was the one who convinced the Japanese to attack Pearl Harbor, I was the third shooter on the grassy knoll in 1963, I knew all the secrets of Area 51 and I hid the aliens in Roswell, I was the one who convinced Brittany Spears to go around without panties on and to shave her head, and, on a nightly basis, Osama bin Laden and I exchange dirty joke text messages(Two camels walk into a bar...that's a classic!!!).

After 45 minutes of the test, I was reduced to a massive, quivering , bowl of jello. For about three hours I couldn't raise my head above my arms. The muscles in my forearms and arms were swollen and hard as a rock. The points were the needle was inserted turned a loverly shade of purple. Life was indeed grand!!! Thank God for codeine or I would have never survived!!!

The Geneva Convention, adopted in 1949, prohibits the use of torture on prisoners of war. Somehow I truly believe the medical profession never got that memo!!!!

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