Okay, so I'm gonna start this blog with a disclaimer---if you don't wanna read it DON'T! This is my freaking blog--if you see the damn subject and you think oh, hum, that might be a good read, then you are the one taking your chances on reading it! Again, YOU read this at your own will. This is MY page and I'm not gonna change myself just because someone might get their feelings hurt. Okay, we all clear on this?!
So, as my subject of this blog says, I have a crappy ass ex husband. He's a freaking dead beat dad. I know that I made the decision to marry him and have children with him but you know, that is MY bad decision, not our two children, yet they are the ones that suffer. In April, it will be TWO damn years since he has even seen them. TWO YEARS! What kind of dad does that? Don't sit there and blame this one on me, because it isn't my fault. I have left those ties open to him. Take this for example--he called back the end of October and wanted to get the girls over their Christmas break. KNOWING they hadn't seen him in a year and half, I told him okay. I want the girls to have a relationship with him. So, he started making plans on the specifics--where to meet, when to meet, what they were going to do while there, even who was going to keep them while the girls were there and he worked. Everything was nailed down. I was really excited for the girls (and as a mom, worried for them too), but generally, excited, because I could tell he was actually trying to do something for them. Now mind you, he hasn't paid hardly ANY child support in the past few years--he is over $20,000 behind and I STILL agreed to let him keep the girls for over a week--he originally asked for only a few days, but I told him he could keep them longer. He had been telling me that money was on the way and it never showed up, but I still had faith in him that he would get the girls and keep his word to them (he always claims that he would NEVER break a promise to them). Well, I have yet to hear from him since a few days before Thanksgiving. The girls were broken hearted when they didn't get to see him. My heart ached for them, because they see other kids their age with their dads and they long for that kind of relationship and yet, they just don't get it. I will say on a side note, they have a wonderful aunt and grandmother (his sister and mom) who love them--there is NO doubt in my mind. They spend time with them whenever they can. I know that I can count on them, unlike counting on him. I had just decided that I would rather them have some sort of relationship with his side of the family than to have to wait around for him to wise up. I don't think its fair for the girls to be punished and not get to see Heather and Carla, just because Bubba isn't in the picture for them. I think in the long run, they will know that he cares for them thru him mom and sister and if that is the only way they can get it, then I'll take it for them. I just wish that things were straightened out for him. I don't understand what is going thru his head. Is his life down in south texas really that great? Does his girlfriend, whom he claims is his hero KNOW what is actually going on? How can anyone stand beside and let the best years of a childrens life go by and not want to be a part of it? I just don't understand. I can't even begin to imagine waking up day after day and NOT have my kids down the hall from me.
Now, I am dating a wonderful man and have been for the past year. The girls have met him and his son and they just adore them. It was really cute the first time they met him--he was more of a dad to them, then their own dad. I remember the first night we stayed over at Mic's house all together (me, him, the girls and his son), we had a great time. All the kids were piled on top of Mic playing with him and I had a smile on my face that I couldn't (and didn't want to) get rid of! It has continued to get even better. The girls love Mic and want to move in with him and that is the next step we will be taking. I think its time the girls have someone in their lives that really cares about them and that they can call a dad. I know that is what the girls want and long for.
I think that getting all of this out in the open has been a great thing for me. Sometimes as a mom, I wonder if what I'm doing is right. I lay awake some nights thinking about my life and how far I've come and it just amazes me. I have two wondeful girls that I love more than life, a man in my life that loves me and I love him too and to add to it, the boy that I never had. Its a great little package. I'm thrilled about things right now. I'm going to continue doing just what I'm doing. The girls will continue to see their aunt and grandmother just as much as they can--its a bond that won't be broken and I'm glad they love the girls enough to show them this too. (Heather, I'm sure your reading this and I hope you aren't upset that I'm this way about your brother. You know that I gave him my everything and its just not fair to have to keep on doing that!) Well, I feel better with all this off my chest. I need to have the air cleared before the girls and I move to the next great journey in our lives!
