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my angel

u know i use to write short stories and poems all the time when i was younger.. even after i had my first child i still did.. here is my lat poem i have wrote.. i made it for my child who neve got a chance to live cause of my ex.. i was 4-5 weeks pregnant when i lost him.. my ex punched my child out of me over me allowing my mother to keep my daughter over night o i could have a night where i could try to relax.. when i was with my ex i was the one who worked, cooked, cleaned, took care of my child..i dont it all.. my ex didnt do anything except for drink, do drugs, cheat and beat on me.. i remember that night as if it was yesterday.. we got into an argument and then the next thing i knew he got me with a low blow to my stomach and then thhrew me into the edge of our bed and then raped me.. all i could do was cry and hold my stomach and force myself to not scream out with all the pain.. i knew if i did he woul have hit me again.. he always did when i screamed for help.. when i did noboy ever came to help.. they would only give me looks.. i prayed to god the whole time he was rapin me.. by the time he was finished i was bleeding and i felt like i died a lil.. i didnt love him.. i was scared to leave him.. i was afraid for my life.. he said that he would end it if i did ever leave.. after he was finished i went to the bathroom and i felt my child come out of me and fall in the tolet.. i looked and saw my baby.. he was beautiful.. he wasnt even an inch long.. still had his lil fish like tale.. he had his lil arms though.. and lil black dots for eyes.. i wanted to so bad get him out a rush to the hospital to see what they could do.. even though i knew there wasnt anything that could save him.. i knew my ex wouldnt allowed me to go to the hospital anyways do to him not wanting to go to jail.. i had to flush my baby down the tolet.. i cried and cried all night long.. i went into the living room and as he walked by to go outside of our apartment i told him that he killed our baby.. his exact reply was.." IM GLAD I KILLED THE LIL BASTARD! I DIDNT WANT ANY DAMN KIDS ANYWAYS!" he then went outide and slammed the door behind him.. the day my child was born and died was july 23rd 2004.. my daughter was only 1 year old when that happened.. i kept it a secret.. i had to.. until the day i went to court for cusdity of my daughter.. his sister tried to punk me down and tried to make her brother seem soo good.. she was never around.. she didnt know him.. they grew up in different homes.. she finally got to me and i yelled at her and said if he was so good then ask him why did he kil our second child? he denied it.. i didnt bring it up in court.. i didnt have any evidence to prove it.. he didnt fight for my daughter.. he would have lost even if he tried.. that night when he killed our second chil was when i wrote this poem.. it was my last.. i just lost the love to write after that happened.. its called: "TO MY UNBORN CHILD" I NEVER GOT TO HOLD YOU, I NEVER HEARD YOU CRY, I NEVER SAW UR BEAUTIFUL FACE, AND NOW A PART OF ME HAS DIED, IM SORRY THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED, I SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIM BEFORE IT AS TOO LATE, I SHOULDNT HAVE MARRIED HIM, WITH ALL THE PAIN HE PUT ME THROUGH, GOD! WHY COULDNT HE HAVE KILLED ME?, WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE, I LOV YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS, I HOPE ITS NOT TOO LATE, TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU, AND THAT I MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH, ONE DAY ILL SEE YOU IN HEAVEN, WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY THAT WILL BE, ILL FINALLY GET TO HOLD YOU AND KISS YOU, AND KNOW THAT ULL NEVER LEAVE ME. i wasnt far enough along in my pregnancy to find out what he was.. i felt the he was a boy.. i know he was a boy.. i knew what my lil gurl and my lil boy was long before i got a sonogram to confirm it.. his name was is Seth Shacore and then my exs last name which i will not say.. i love you Seth.. i always have and i will always love you and never forget you.. you will always be in my heart
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