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FROST's blog: "MY BULLSHIT! :)"

created on 12/09/2010  |  http://fubar.com/my-bullshit/b338192  |  1 followers

SWEET DREAMS

December is a tough month. It’s rife with depression and anxiety, when unanswered text messages feel like a state of emergency and minor slights gain momentum over and throughout my entire psyche as the sky starts to darken at 4pm. I try to implement my usual suspects of supplements with St. John’s Wort and 5-htp, but I doubt that these homeopathic treatments can help if you only do them one time. I feel hopeless so I cancel workouts and comedy shows. My nose won’t stop running and I can’t stop running from my problems but this all might be alleviated if I fucking took up running, however this is the last thing I would want to do, as the streets are slick with rain and the real cold that los angeles is capable of at times starts to seep into my bones. The fact is, I am not depressed. I am not a depressed person. Not in the least. My life is joyous and fun, and really pretty easy. I just cut myself shaving sometimes, but i also get lots of tattoos, dance and sing, eat everything. Yes sometimes I have allergies but it’s amazing what has come out of my nose, and it’s a testament to the strength of my immune system and how my body wants to protect me from the world’s pollutants. It’s just a lack of light that is a problem, and as photosensitive an individual I am, with all these incredible tattoos from the best artists in the world and the lifelong rosacea that has kept me from beaches, decks and the pools the world over, I realize I still need sunlight like a plant or a bush or a tree. There is chlorophyll in my veins and I am no evergreen so I need the sun like I need a hole in my head and I need it more when the days are shorter and the nights are longer and its cold out. I have always thought I was a night person, due to the constraints of my chosen occupation as a standup comedian and this is a frightfully inept misdiagnosis. I am unbelievably diurnal, actually kicking off covers when the sun makes its first appearance in the sky, no matter where in the world I happen to be, and feeling desperate for my bed at the lengthening of shadows that indicate night is about to fall. Whenever I am forced to stay up past 11pm I actually start panicking, as if the day has gone beyond my capacity, as if I am running on empty. Sleep is the fuel that I need, the big gas station in the bed, in the deep blue space beneath my shut eyes, where I go without fail every night, my favorite destination. I count sheep and I count the hours and I count myself cheated if these hours are not in the double digits. I love sleep to the point where I am sure I could spend two or three days in the bed or more. I haven’t tried this, but when days are as short as they are of late it might not even be worth getting up. Now this sounds like real depression but it’s not I don’t think. I am just bear-like and wanting to hibernate and I am pretty sure I have had enough meals in me so far this year to endure an entire chilly season in my cave. I should probably get a light box and then my mood might improve. I wonder if you can hook one up to the screen of your laptop, or if the Macbook provides light enough to stave off the winter blues. It is the day that breaks when I flip the screen open, and the glow from it is so lively and bright I am sure it can sustain me.

Do you ever just wanna...

                  Do u ever just wanna.....
have you ever wished you could run away from your problems?not with alcohol or with drugs but away from everything?kids squabbling, your mates small mindedness, The mate that makes an issue out of the smallest insignificate things? Have you ever wished you could run away from the job that you do because you have to, because you cant afford not to have that job? do you wish you could run away from having to sacrafice about everything you think or do? We all know that we can escape in the internet, music, a book or watching a movie. but you just cant run away. because the same issues always find you or you find them every time you turn around. Do you wish you could ever run away? if so where would you go? (:

PAIN

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."

HICK'S

Some people seem to need to feel superior to others and will categorize them with a name. I have been called a hick because I live in the country, have horses, and so on. After thinking about it, I wear the name with pride regardless how the other person meant it. Hicks, like almost all groups, people choose to segregate, are some amazing people.

If you hunt for me, you will find I am listed among the Hicks
The poor common folk that choose to live back in the sticks.
The kind of folk who have a job but also have to do chores
that build bonfires and teach the kids how to make Smores.
Among those that if you do need any help are glad to give
and by the Golden Rule most still their lives do try to live.
We are dirt poor by the standards most will use to judge
but from this great way of life one of us will rarely budge.
You might think us ignorant, having taken no college courses,
but we have the knowledge of things like survival and horses.
We may not have all that city people have, who are on the run,
but we appreciate what we have and know how to have fun.
We feel at home when we out among the lakes and trees
with the nature that provides and we care for, we are at ease.
It is a harder life, I will admit that this much is so very true
and may not be the choice that is best for some like you
But I will stay in the sticks until my life is finally through
city life is not a thing that for long I would ever want to do.
When I look up let me only see the vast sky and tall trees
and let me feel the grass below and the cool summer breeze.
Watch the strutting of turkeys and meandering of the deer
and all the things that nature gives for us to hold so dear.
When time says my final breath has been drawn and spent
I will know that like nature, this country life was heaven sent.

ALL MAN'S TRUE AILING!

"Steve had a deeply self-destructive streak. He didn't have much supporting him in terms of an intellectual life. I mean, I owe a lot of who I am and what I've been and what I've done to the beatniks from the Fifties and to the poetry and art and music I've come in contact with. I feel like I'm part of a continuous line in American culture, of a root. But Steve was from the South, which is one of those places that is like nonculture. There's nothing there. There's no substance, no background. And Steve wasn't a reader, and he hadn't really been introduced to the world of ideas on any level. So a certain part of him was like a guy in a rat cage, running as fast as he could and not getting anywhere. He didn't have any deeper resources. My life would be miserable if I didn't have those little chunks of Dylan Thomas and T.S. Eliot. I can't even imagine life without that stuff." -Garcia On Mydland's Death This is the "800 Pound gorilla" in most lives these days. Without substance, ideas, intellect, or culture, what are we left with in the end? 16_winksmile.gif
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