It all started when our over-heralded star, The Black Rat, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling abnormally frustrated, The Black Rat backhanded a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved Spoon of Destiny was missing! Immediately he called his favorite bad hair victim, The Mouseanator. The Black Rat had known The Mouseanator for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. The Mouseanator was unique. She was congenial though sometimes a little... insensitive. The Black Rat called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
The Mouseanator walked up to a very unctuous Black Rat. The Mouseanator calmly assured him that most albino cats yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually earnestly panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting the Black Rat. Why was The Mouseanator trying to distract the Black Rat? Because she had snuck out from the Black Rat's place with the Spoon of Destiny only four days prior. It was a curious little Spoon of Destiny... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before the Black Rat got back to the subject at hand: his Spoon of Destiny. The Mouseanator shuddered. Relunctantly, The Mouseanator invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Spoon of Destiny. The Black Rat grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, the Mouseanator realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Spoon of Destiny and she had to do it fearlessly. She figured that if the Black Rat took the 'modded' Civic, she had at least eleven minutes before the Black Rat would get there. But if he took the Tricycle? Then The Mouseanator would be abundantly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, the Mouseanator was interrupted by eleven funny-smelling Road Runners that were lured by her Spoon of Destiny. The Mouseanator grimaced; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she carefully reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and skillfully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fantastic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Tricycle rolling up. It was The Black Rat.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, the Black Rat was off of the Tricycle and went earnestly jaunting toward the Mouseanator's front door. Meanwhile inside, the Mouseanator was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Spoon of Destiny into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. The Mouseanator was angered but at least the Spoon of Destiny was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' the Mouseanator surreptitiously purred.
With a quick push, the Black Rat opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive coke fiend in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he lied.
'It's fine,' the Mouseanator assured him. The Black Rat took a seat excruciatingly close to where The Mouseanator had hidden the Spoon of Destiny. The Mouseanator yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But he Black Rat was distracted. Just as zero people expected the Mouseanator noticed a stupid look on the Black Rat's face. The Black Rat slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
The Mouseanator felt a stabbing pain in her chin when the Black Rat asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Spoon of Destiny right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie.
A clueless look started to form on the Black Rat's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place.
'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'.
The Black Rat nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before The Mouseanator could react, The Black Rat randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Spoon of Destiny was plainly in view. The Black Rat stared at The Mouseanator for what what must've been four nanoseconds.
Absolutely thrilled, the Mouseanator groped flamboyantly in the Black Rat's direction, clearly desperate. The Black Rat grabbed the Spoon of Destiny and bolted for the door. It was locked. The Mouseanator let out a eccentric chuckle.
'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Black Rat,' she rebuked.
The Mouseanator always had been a little funny-smelling, so the Black Rat knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before the Mouseanator did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his Spoon of Destiny tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
The Mouseanator looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from the Black Rat. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for he Black Rat. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. The Mouseanator walked over to the window and looked down. The Black Rat was gone.
Just yonder, the Black Rat was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind the Mouseanator's place. The Black Rat had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Road Runners suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Spoon of Destiny. One by one they latched on to the Black Rat. Already weakened from his injury, the Black Rat yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Road Runners running off with his Spoon of Destiny.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored the Black Rat's Spoon of Destiny. Feeling concerned, God smote the Road Runners for their injustice. Then He got in His deliciously practical 4-door and sputtered away with the fortitude of one million 3-legged wallabies running from a misshapen pack of albino cats. The Black Rat jumped with joy when he saw this. His Spoon of Destiny was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in two minutes his favorite TV show, NCIS, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet pipe bomb'). The Black Rat was jubilant. And so, everyone except the Mouseanator and a few bloody glove-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Worlds Beyond Earth
March 25th, 2012
When the news first came out that the earth was dying and had been dying for several decades it came as a shock. The biggest shock was the reason why the planet was dying and that the US government had perfected space travel in far more advanced ways that what they had led on with. The fear and riots that took place around the world was a sight to see those first few weeks and months afterward.
Looking back on things I wonder how we all stayed sane. In the process of perfecting the technology they had accidentally come up with the very organism that was cooling our planet. They still refused to say how such an organism came about, even though many suspected alien technology, but in the panic that followed who had the time to honestly figure out the cause?
July 17th, 2012
It's amazing how many nations can put aside their differences when mutual destruction is assured if you don't. With so many nations banding together to build the interstellar ships needed to lift us off the planet it makes one smile and wish we had done so without such an urgent need. I wonder if all the ships needed will be ready into to remove us from earth. The very core is now losing its warmth and cooling. Not for the thousandth time have I wondered about this organism. It hasn't harmed humans, animals or much else, but it seems to feed off the very heat from the sun and the earths core.
There is something else I want to talk about that I truly don't know how to begin with. My neighbors have joined one of those odd cults and now refuse to leave the planet. They seem to think this is a test from God and that to leave earth is to lose favor with him. I gave up reasoning with them as I can see the fear in them at what is happening and the need to live in denial. I must confess there are times I envy them.
October 11th, 2012
I quit my job today. People stopped wanting to buy books and considering the value of money seems to be going out the window, who was I kidding. The first of the interstellar ships was launched into space on test runs and few days ago and seem to have weathered them fine. I am still amazed at the size of these space ships. They can carry up to a million people each. There will be thousands of them made in the end. I suppose it is a good thing the value of money is next to useless.
The weather has changed as well. It grows colder and snow falls anywhere now. I did see with some amazement how terraforming of the ships was being done and how many of the trees, plants and animals have been removed and relocated along with water and other essentials. I now look back on my dreams of being a writer with some humor. I should have gone into the sciences.
January 23rd, 2013
The first people have been removed from the planet and are now orbiting the earth. Compromise is such an odd thing, but it has worked well in these times. People from each country are being removed an put upon each ship so that no one could be accused of favoritism. We've all been assigned dates and numbers of when we are going up. I'm proud to say I'm now NWE2345-54a and will be departing the planet in September. I wanted to call the Space Command to ask if I'd get frequent traveler miles, but I didn't think they'd appreciate my humor.
There has been a run on marriages in the last few months. I heard from a friend of a friend that it is one way to insure you'll be with a few people you want to be with when your turn comes. I considered proposing to Marilla, as I always enjoyed her company, but the notion of having to share my quarters with her and her doll collection scared me off. I was use to being a solitary figure, so I imagine things can't be too bad.
March 25th, 2013
There is a blizzard outside my window. No I'm not some place it should be snowing. I'm still in Mississippi. I think time is almost up for us all. I tried to convince my neighbors to come to their senses, but they all went into a rant about how God would protect them and bring about a new paradise. When I quipped, 'A paradise worthy of frosty the snow man,' they chased me off yelling and saying I'm a sinner. Maybe I am, but I won't be frozen like a popsicle.
I watched my parents and most of my family leave slowly in the weeks before now. They seemed a bit miffed that I didn't raise hell to get to go with them, but I figured absence would make the heart grow fonder. I have to admit I do miss them, but they also left a lot of things they couldn't take with them. I've become a bit of a packrat.
June 5th, 2013
I didn't realize how fun it would be to crosscountry ski or even build igloo's. Now I know and it's rather enjoyable. I passed my engineering exam as well and with flying colors. We would all need new jobs so instead of waiting to be assigned one I volunteered to begin learning a new skill several months before. I don't know how good I'll be once I get up there in space, but I don't think I'm any slouch. Speaking of slouch's I saw in the paper that Marilla married our former manager. He's like 60! I'm not jealous or mad, but I'm also a bit glad she's going up next month. Hearing her go on and on about how bigger the space is for married people makes me realize I might have been able to take more books with me if I had sold my soul.
The first of the ships to set out in to the wilds of space have already made the jumps. It does make more since to set out in several directs than one mass collective, but I have taken to carrying around a few luck charms as I'd like to be with the group that finds a habitable planet quickly. I'm not up for any Battlestar Galactica type runs as we won't have an earth to go back to. No Cylons for me, thank you.
August 13th, 2013
I've got my stuff packed and I'm ready to go. Most of the T.V. stations have gone off except for the televangelist ones. I've noticed that half of the televangelist have gone into spiritual retreat, which I took to mean they punched their ticket off the planet and don't won't the few fools to know they are gone. Andrea, the oldest daughter of my neighbors came to me the other day to beg me to help her get off the planet. I didn't think she'd come to her senses so it was with some relief that I'm helping her get her papers. The rest of them are too far gone and...well she is attractive, not that I'm thinking of ulterior motives. I do want to take more books and there is something about someone losing their faith that is attractive to a cynical person like myself.
I saw off the last of my brothers the week before as they left to board the ISS Clinton. I told them to be thankful they didn't get assigned to ISS Bush and we cracked a few other jokes. I never was a good teller of jokes. I'll miss them, but life goes on. I've taken to hoarding gold and silver as I figure sooner or later value will be worked out in space and you can never go wrong with gold or silver. I really don't want to get married, but those bigger areas do tantalize the mind.
September 8, 2013
Well I'm at the North American Command waiting on my ride up. Andrea is at my side and I'm proud to say I resisted marriage. I compromised on her taking some of my books in her load. Getting her away from her parents is an experience in itself, but I guess I can go into detail later once we're up in space. How they could still refuse to come with glaciers forming and moving so rapidly still leaves me speechless, but I've learned some religious things can make you believe you can do no wrong. I can't say I'll miss them and I can see in Andrea's sad eyes that she will.
I'm not sure I like wearing a uniform at all. I know I'm now part of the force, but it feels so odd to be wearing the uniform of a member of it. On a good note I have gotten some positive looks from several of the women going up and Andrea did say I looked very handsome in it. Of course, I suspect she was just saying so to get me to shut up with my muttering about being in it. Oh well, I'll take flattery when I can get it.
September 20th, 2013
We've been orbiting around the earth for the past two weeks and preparing for our jumps. I've become familiar with many areas of the ship and my responsibilities. I have to admit I love been up here. Looking upon the earth I can see the ice covering more and more of it. I suspect we will be here longer to try to rescue some of the nuts who initially refused to go thinking a new eden would come around or something. The last I heard of Mississippi was that it was covered in glaciers. I didn't tell Andrea, but I think she already knows that her family has gone. She clings to me when I'm around and to be honest I'm liking it. I know, I know, a cynical loner like me enjoying someone being clingy. I'm allowed to change.
I've met a number of good people up here from all over earth that I enjoy interacting with. Ibrahim is the guy in charge of my detail and wow he can sometimes go on too much about cricket and how I should get into it, the man knows his stuff. Hilda is another person I enjoy being around, though her constant chatter about my sex life and Andrea can get maddening. I've met many other people and have come to appreciate being around other people far more than when I was on earth. I suppose being in an enclosed space for possibly years can make one easily be open to new ways and new things.
September 27th, 2013
Today we make the first jump. I'm nervous and excited. I've made sure my books are secure, including my prized comics collection. Andrea has begun to talk more and I think I sold her on this being a new beginning and new chance for her at a happier life. I'm beginning to suspect she's finding her faith again as she has talked about going to one of the Baptist church sessions that take place. It's with some horror that I've come close to giving them a try as well. This jump will definitely bring me back to my senses.
I don't know what is out there for us and what may come, but I know this is the greatest adventure ever. We are right out of science fiction and carry all the hopes and dreams of mankind. Mankinds will and strength to survive lies within us all and it is with bold determination that we will go forth and find a new home. I hope to continue writing and telling my story in the hope that future generations read my worlds and understand the mistakes we made and what we did to overcome them. It will be some time before I write again as we will all be busy on this journey, but I will come back to tell more. My story has not ended, and humanities story has not ended as well. This is but the beginning of the next step. A step beyond our planet in a search to find another world or worlds. We will not fail.
The cobbled streets were black with the grime and filth of years of neglect, ruin, and decay. The wooden structures that housed the many businesses were falling apart systematically. Loose boards hung by single nails as the owners of shops glared at passersby, maliciously awaiting to catch anyone stealing from their shops.
Missing shingles dotted the rooftops, bricks were lying among the debris and litter in the streets, presumably belonging to many of the chimneys that were barely fit to be recognized as remnants of a time long past. Clouds slowly crept across the pale gray sky, citizens huddled in what had been warm shelters, houses, and stables.
Now most were missing walls, floors, and in some cases roofs. children stared with envious eyes as a contingent of soldier escorted a large cart piled high with meats vegetables, and fruits of every kind was taken to the sorcerer kings palace. the sky grew darker as the procession passed awaiting the sorcerers verdict,a long line of men stood outside the palace gates when the cart reached the palace it stopped the soldiers unloaded the cart of the rotted food and took it to the front of the line of hungry men, the sorcerer appeared he was in his late fifties he had a gray beard and mustache but was bald he was short quite round and his clothing was ill fitting.
The sorcerer-king stared greedily at the cart for a moment and then rubbed his ample belly with a pleased smile. He hummed a tune as the soldiers finished unloading and nodded rather pleased to the Guard-Captain. The captain relaxed visibly and made a hand gesture which relaxed his men as well. The sorcerer-king noticed it, but decided to let it go as he ticked down tonights feast.
"I'm very pleased, Martel," the sorcerer-king murmured looking back up the steps leading into the palace. "Since the program started I've not missed a fine meal at all!"
"As I thought it would be, milord," Martel said. The giant Demon-Abysser towered over everyone and cast a long shadow that cowed all thoughts of protest. His sightless face moved over the crowd of men slowly before settling back upon the sorcerer-king.
The sorcerer-king turned back to face the crowd of men and cast his voice, with the aid of his power, to reach all of the citizens of the city. "Good citizens of Marivar, it does my heart proud to see you give so generously to your kind and considerate king. I will not forget this kindness and if you keep it up on the night of the Shooting Star of Goliage I shall elevate one of you as I promised these several score years ago! Rejoice in your kindness and I shall enjoy what you bring me for tomorrow!"
With his speech done, the sorcerer-king gestured to the captain to make sure the food was brought into the palace. He surveyed the anxious waiting men and raised an eyebrow before making his way back up the palace steps. By the time he made it to Martel's side he was weezing and sweating profusely.
"The same as usual," he said to the demon. "I don't care which of the men it is, but make sure the people have an understanding of what can happen if things don't go well tomorrow." Not waiting for the demons bow, the sorcerer-king headed into the palace to prepare himself for the night.
"Cocky bastard, isn't he?" Rafe said from the window as he watched the sorcerer waddle back into the well kept palace.
"Very," Kabrin said lazily as he polished his sword. He turned an eye to Gabriela and she smiled sharkishly at him in return.
"I wish you two would stop mooning over each other."
"Oh do be quiet, Marik," Gabriela said with a laugh. "I'd hardly call what we do mooning or romantic..."
Rafe ignored the light banter going on and watched the demon walking towards the now cowering men hanging around the palace. It puzzled him why Jelemkr would call up such a powerful demon only to use him as a cheap ploy to cower these people. The immense power it was taking to maintain control of the demon had to be taxing to the old sorcerer, which could explain how he was letting himself go.
"Are you done contemplating like a wise woman and ready to come up with a plan or not," Marik tossed out too Rafe. He set on a rickety chair and pawed through his packs to inventory his gear. He detested the damp weather of this area and the depressed looks upon the peoples faces. Of all the places they had been called too this was the most insulting to him. The Gods truly had a rotten sense of humor.
"I thought we'd do as always," Rafe said moving away from the window. "I'd drive them crazy with an overcomplicated plan, Gabriela would give them a kiss, Kabrin would try to hit them with a blunt object...and you'd talk them to death via your constant moaning and groaning." He grinned at the outraged look upon Mariks bearded face.
"Besides that of course is the approach of the Shooting Star three days hence. That would seem to me to be the best time to strike at Jelemkr. He'll be at his weakest when he tries to transfer his Being into the body of the person he chooses. That will be the best time to take on the demon as well. Jelemkr's will of him will also be weaker."
Gabriela shrugged her slender shoulders. "It matters not too me. I'm here to do the will of the Goddess."
Marik sneered, but refrained from saying anything. Gabriela was a true devout witness of the Goddess and she knew how to handle the throwing knives she carried.
Kabrin frowned, but nodded along with the plan. He did not like the thought of the wizard and his pet demon continuing to take and kill until the star, but he trusted Rafes judgement. They had taken on enough of these cases to understand Rafe had a feel for when to strike and when to wait.
"I hate skulking under a friggen' fool moon," Marik growled.
"Keep your voice down, idiot!" Gabriela snapped. She turned to Rafe and rolled her eyes.
Rafe grinned. He always felt a bounce before something big happened. It was the night of the shooting star and they had positioned themselves for an easy view of the gathered crowd before the palace steps. People waited in an eery silence for the sorcerer-king to appear. Rafe had a feeling the people didn't know what they had gotten themselves into, but waited with hope that one of their own could better them.
"Why did we have to purchase these woolen robes? They itch!"
Kabrin cuffed Marik gently on his head. "Everyone is wearing one, Marik. It's some type of ritual robe. Just be glad it's large enough that it hides all the gear you're carry."
"I need it all," Marik said defensively. "I remember the last sorcerer! Damn near turned me into a bloody zombie."
Rafe rolled his eyes. Marik always moaned that this wizard or that freed dead God wanted to turn him into the living dead. "Be quiet, Marik. Let's move in and mix with the crowd. You know which angles to take and not to do anything until the comet is at it's brightest arc." He looked his companions over carefully. "Don't be a hero." His eyes lingered the longest for Gabriela, who returned it with a playful smile.
Rafe stopped himself from giving her a stern look and moved away to mingle into the crowd. Stern looks did nothing with Gabriela. Something about being a century older than him kept her from being cowed into commonsense. He looked towards the palace to see soldiers come out of it followed by Jelemkr and his demon. He pushed his way through the crowd and ignored the beaten and dazed looks upon the faces of the citizens. He had a feeling the Council would need to come in and help the people once this business ended.
He made it to his position in the middle of the sorcerer giving his big speech about the kindness and givingness of the people and how he was now prepared to give them a reward that would awe and enrapture them. Rafe rolled his eyes and carefully checked to make sure all he needed was in place. He would be lying if he said this wasn't when he felt most alive. Killing bastards like Jelemkr simply made his day.
"...and now the lucky person will be brought to me by Guard-Captain Tagin," Jelemkr concluded with a flourish.
Rafe gave a thin smile at that. Fewkin' copper valin a dozen for these tin pots. He reached inside his robe to touch the amulet tied to a sacred rope chain around his neck and breath deeply. He could sense the others finding their positions and breathe in deeper. The comet was fast approaching and he watched as a helpless man was pulled from the crowd and marched up the steps.
Rafe thanked vanity. By attempting to transfer himself into a male instead of a female, Jelemkr would leave himself open for a split second as he broke down a like will. Rafe heard the ritual of transfer begin to be chanted from the sorcerer and he felt the comet beginning to appear along with the gasps of wonder and fear from the crowd as they turned to watch the approaching comet. He smiled grimly as he felt Gabriela make her move towards the demon as Jelemkr began to glow a dark red.
With another breath, Rafe felt himself rising into the air. The demon made his move towards Gabriela only to be met by a roar from Kabrin and his cursed blade. Rafe turned his senses to Jelemkr who stared at him in wonder, held in place as his soul began to unattach from the flesh. Marik's cry of 'Des ex Volte!' held the soldiers frozen to their spots.
"Nooooo!" Jelemkr cried out. "Destroy them all, Martel!"
Rafe smiled sadly for the sorcerer and said simply, "The God's have judged. Your time is up."
He reached out with his hand and felt an astral force grip the soul of the sorcerer. He noticed absently the crowd breaking up as people fled in terror. To his left sparks flew as Kabrin's sword clashed with the damned blade of the demon and while Gabriela unleashed his purified daggers and chanted the song of the Goddess. He drew his hand back letting the astral hand grip Jelemkrs soul harder and with a sigh ripped his soul from the world.
The demon roared and stared a promise into the eyes of Kabrin as it vanished back into the Shadow world. Kabrin shrugged his shoulders and caught a leaping Gabriela as she laughed and planted kisses.
"How come I never get the girl?" Marik called out.
Rafe sat his feet on the ground and withdrew his hand from the amulet. He turned to Marik and a frown before he grinned. "You're welcome to try to get her, but I wouldn't advise it."
A Walk Amongst The Fairies
I chanced upon the summer forest to find my one and true
I stepped into the forest and left the world behind
She came to me upon a dream, this love of mine,
and beckoned me to come quick
This fairy angel, this light of mine did
strike me ever true
I stepped into the forest and did not cast a glance behind
I left all cares to answer her call
This fairy love of mine
I travelled through the dark forest upon a path of whispers
The very air seemed to dance with her voice and thrill
me to my soul
This fairy girl, this love of mine was drawing me to her
She guided me through the forest well, my
eyes stayed straight and bright
She was the one I had always known
She would set my soul afire
I came upon a glade and found a pond within
I walked up to it with my heart beating faster
There was a knowledge within my soul that told me all
my fairy love was here
I looked into the pond with hope and found my reflection
staring back at me
I looked in wonder as I saw her truly
My fairy love was here
My hand reached into the pond as I saw her
reach for me
As I touched the pond I felt her hand touch mine
Such wonders did pour forth from me like
endless colors of a rainbow
I drew her from the pond and held her close
This fairy love of mine
The light did shine ever brighter and
I knew our love would entwine
She leaned ever closer and kissed me soft
with a whisper of love and a whisper of need
I pledged myself to her
Her eyes shined brighter and a tear did fall
With a tremblng hand I wiped it away and
said I was here to stay
Her face did light up with an inner joy
That sent me floating in the heavens
With a joyous cry she let loose a song
and it was answer a hundred fold
To my wonder and amazement fairies appeared
from the thin air and did a dance of joy
My fairy love did take my hand
and took me amongst the fairies
I did share in the joy being uplifted by
a song of love
I knew I was home
I knew it was meant to be
I was with my fairy love
I was with my fairy love
I remember the first thing that I did when I died was walk through a wall. Don't ask me why, but I just needed confirmation I was dead, a ghost, didn't go to Heaven/Hell or anything else. Looking back on it I feel a bit foolish. I should have rattled some chains or went and checked on my body to find out how the plane I had been on had blown up midair. Of course I needed to find the chain to rattle, but I'm sure I could have managed.
My first few weeks as a ghost went rather boringly. I just drifted around the city in and out of homes, businesses and libraries. I didn't really know what to do and I was a bit miffed that I had been wrong and ghosts did exist. I was at least glad that Mike and the others weren't around me with their 'I told you so!' looks. Oh well, one benefit about being a ghost was I didn't have to work, eat or sleep, so really I'd consider us even on the subject.
My boredom ended on a lonely summer even when I was down by the piers watching the birds swoop and perform over the oceans waves. While I was feeling sorry for myself over the belated realization that I was a ghost that the living couldn't see, I chanced to look to my left and see another ghost staring right at me. I did a double take and had to look again. Sure enough she floated slightly off the ground. This ghost seemed more solid than me, which for some reason put me off, but I squared my shoulders and approached her with caution.
"Hello," I said with a slight smile. I mentally kicked myself for not coming up with a wittier opening. When I was alive I had a golden tongue, but being dead seemed to have lifted that from me. "I was beginning to think I was the only one around."
"I've been watching you for sometime," she said in a lilting sing-song voice.
"Oh," was my reply. I thought it rather rude that she had seen me for a while and was only now making herself known. Of course, I didn't express that allowed. Even in death I hadn't forgotten my manners. She wasn't a bad ghost of a woman to look it either, which I admit might be playing into how I was acting. She had a fifties style dress on and her hair done up like a girl straight out of the 'I Love Lucy Show', which told me that she had been a ghost for sometime.
"I was sent to keep an eye on you and to observe you before being your guide," she continued with a friendly smile. "It isn't often we get a member like yourself."
I didn't know whether to preen or frown at that comment, so instead I just offered a cautious smile in return. I didn't think she was referring to my good looks or the cologne I had worn on the plane that somehow still lingered on me. The notion that she was sent my some organization or something made me want to hoot. Was there a Ghost Society I could join and she was scouting me out? I wondered with a mental laugh if I needed to get my resume together.
"You'll have to explain to me what I need to do then," I said gallantly. "By the way since you're my guide we might as well get on a friendly basis. My name is Andy...well it was---Do I need to change it now to ghostly name?--Nah, I will keep Andy. I'm pleased to meet you. Before I saw you I was about to start talking to the birds on a first name basis."
"Andy, is it?" she said softly. She cocked her head to the side and gave me a thoughtful look. "My name is Doris and I'd be glad to show you the ropes."
Well that was that, I thought. I never thought I'd meet a Doris, but then again these were strange days for me. With a wide smile I stepped to her with my arm held out as if going to a ball. I figured they did a lot of that in the fifties and she'd appreciate it. At least they did in the movies. It seemed to be a good thing because she gave a delighted laugh and linked her arm in mine. With that we set off, but that adventure is for another story. I bid you a good day and perhaps we shall chance to meet again and I will tell that tale.
"Tell me you're joking," I said looking over the paper work.
"I wouldn't have assigned you to the case if I was," my boss said grumpily. "With this new law we have to be careful how we handle these applications now."
"No one would approve him though!'' I said with some exasperation. ''He would bankrupt any company just by himself with the number of claims and lawsuits. This is ridiculous."
"I know," my boss muttered running a hand through his thinning hair. "Just take care of it, Charles. I'll personally give you your bonus and a vacation. Make him go away and for Gods sake, keep him from going to Foghorn. That blowhard knows how to win a lawsuit, especially with Yosimite now heading the Court of Appeals."
I opened my mouth to protest again, but watched instead with some astonishment as my boss scrambled out the door and close it quickly. I shot a glare at the closed door and looked down at the stack of papers. Just great. These cases always found their way to my desk.
"New law or old there is no way Wile is going to get coverage with all he does," I muttered to myself. The company certainly wasn't cutting out cartoon figures just to do so. I had personally given Tweety a nice deal and even had talked to Hagar the Horrible about getting coverage for his family since he was in a dangerous career field.
Bah! I'd figure something out. I always did. With that in mind, I set Wile E Coyotes case file aside and picked up Jessica Rabbit's claim. This one was more to my liking and would definitely have to involve a face to face meeting. I'd definitely have to do so when Roger was out on a shoot or something...