MONICA THE GREAT PM ME IF YOU CRUSH ME's blog: "musing by monica"

I started reading works by Orson Scoot Card, a science fantasy fiction writer, yeah i know i reek of geek butt your eyes are reading this so I have nothing to prove to anyone.  Although by making that statement it actually has the oppostie effect thereby nullifing the desired outcome.  I just finished his Ender series and am now working my way through his Shadow series.  His fiction is fantastic because it based primarily on ethical dilemias that his charaters face. 

I kept myself up for an hour in what i was sure was a THC/CBD induced coma where i could not stay awake but i could not sleep for lack of thinking.  I realized something that made me writher inside.  I have been in deep denial about it for sometime, I know how i want my life to play out, i look at my past exploits and sigh with contentment because i exployted each opprotunity to its fullest potential for the most fun on my part.  But have i done enough? will my gravestone read here lies that chick that worked her way here, or here lies the chick that kept moving without fear. 

probably the former and i am cool with that

fuck spell check

I may once have sometimes regarded the rigid rules of this life to be all too binding.  Play nice with others, finish your vegetables, don't pick your nose in public places.  I actually belief that there is a great deal of merit to being civil, although it is almost a battle within not to want to gorge myself on life's bounties of the flesh, because I know with all too much certainty that this is it, pure and simple.  I have no interest in meeting an guaranteed end all too quickly, mind you I am a happy person on my meds, but I struggle with capturing the impulsivity that once defined me and this is making me very sad.

I GOT A BILL TODAY FOR $41,571.03!!!!

This is just from the hospital for my surgery, not the surgen.  I am freaking out pissed off so mad i can't breath.  BECAUSE I FOUND OUT TUESDAY I NEED ANOTHER SURGERY!

This country is great, but only if you are able bodied and have good insurance, jackass hospital, fucked up world grrrrrrrrrrrr

Given that the only interesting thing I get to do each day is think, I tend to go on mental tangents that lead me to places that one should only visit either drunk, or well off their rocker.  But here I am, stone cold sober and stamped mentally sane, so why is it that the things that I visualize even when sober, even when sane, scare the hell out of any one with a rational thought left in their physic.  Damn if I know anything that could have any reference to what I am thinking, most of the time I try to ignore my thoughts and turn on the television.  I look to have someone else's voice fill my head, someone else's story fill my life, and this is the only relief that I know.  Turn off the world and turn on "momma's stories".  Only they are not stories my mother would have watched, they are the ideas of twisted and depraved individuals and I can not get enough of it because I am no longer thinking for myself, no longer thinking anything worth contempation.

I really need a cigerette.

http://www.fubar.com/2991082

STAY AWAY FROM THIS PIG, HE PRETENDED TO BE MY FRIEND FOR A MONTH, NOW I AM BLOCKED BECAUSE I WOULD NOT DO A SHOW FOR HIM!

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WICKED Wanda: your a pig lol and your nothing but a user and it shows lol love the status Cunt


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12:17pm
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WICKED Wanda: a dogs better than a pig lol


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12:18pm
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To WICKED Wanda: reply

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12:18pm
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WICKED Wanda: lol

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12:18pm
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WICKED Wanda: blonde


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12:19pm
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To WICKED Wanda: excellent, now stop acting as a 4 year old would when trying to get back a toy, Mario is a man, a person, and yuo do not seem to understand him or me a bit, good luck in life, you will need it


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12:20pm
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WICKED Wanda: mario is a man and hes confussed at the moment hun but I asure you he will relize a user as your self and I do know him you talk shit only and I dont want to know your kind ...I spit on lyour kind hun

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12:21pm
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WICKED Wanda: a four year ol lol good one did ya think of that yoru self ,I dont want the old junkie

12:22pm
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WICKED Wanda: get over yourself

12:24pm
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To WICKED Wanda: YOU CALLED HIM NAMES!!! YOU ARE A ICKY PERSON, ugg reading your words is boring, please keep killing my buzz i need the ability points to level but DO NOT MAKE FUN OF MARIO, you are wreched for calling yourself his friend and then calling him an old junkie

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12:25pm
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WICKED Wanda: LOL eat me bitch

12:25pm
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WICKED Wanda: ohhhhhhhhhhhhh LOL now im amused by a pig and someone who is just that a junkie

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12:26pm
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WICKED Wanda: i did nothing but help him and not use him for his moeny like some bacon parts lol

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To WICKED Wanda: stop calling him names wanda! you are boring and i will not reply to anymore you have to say, but to call yourself his friend and then in the same breath call him an old junkie that you don't want and that he chases after pigs is morally reprehensible, you should be ashamed of yourself, *walks away bored*

12:31pm
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WICKED Wanda: no she snorts away lol and Im still amused and you dont know me to call me by My name gil so Plz .He is being just that woman you know what the fuck your doing to him and dont play like your his friend you money grubbing pig

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12:32pm
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WICKED Wanda: your the one who should be a shamed and well I know better than that I know your kind and you stink pig you stink


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12:34pm
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WICKED Wanda: we r calling it like it is I am not a shamed of it wow you are blonde hu

12:36pm
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WICKED Wanda: ya know what mizz piggy I mean Mizz Monica ,your the one who dont know Mario ,now Im walking away lol and still laughing at you and still very dissapointed at mario for getting taking by bacon ...once agin he is caught by a money grabber

first a thank you

i just had surgery where a herniated disk was removed from my neck and they did a fusion on the rest. thank you all who knew this for your prayers, flowers, and cards.  It makes it so much easier having friends when something scary is happening in your life.

I have three other hernias but with God's help and your prayers those will not need the surgery.  I am still in a lot of pain, but again, having friends seems to make that a smaller deal. 

i am grateful for you my friends

Ummmm, no. They dont need you to ask them. If they think you are hot - they know how to crush you without you begging them to do it. Your begging is pathetic and I can promise you most do it cause they feel sorry for you since you feel the need to ask. I have never asked for one and dont give a fuck about them. Yet, somehow I have a decent amount of them. THAT is the difference between a woman who is confident in herself (me) and one who seeks out internet attention to validate herself (you).
=== ' MONICA THE GREAT IF YOU CRUSH ME PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN LUV ON U that means send me a pm' wrote the following at '2010-06-05 04:08:30'..
>
> no asking someone to crush me is just giving them an opportunity to tell me they think i am hot ;0
>
>
> === ' Hard 2 Handle' wrote the following at '2010-06-05 04:07:23'..
> >
> > Thanks for the explanation - I know what they are. But asking someone to crush you is the same as asking someone to tell you they love you - it means shit when they do it. Sorry if that is too hard for you to comprehend.
> >
> >
> > === ' MONICA THE GREAT IF YOU CRUSH ME PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN LUV ON U that means send me a pm' wrote the following at '2010-06-05 04:05:51'..
> > >
> > > crushes are about lust,
> > >
> > > what man or woman on this site is the most desirable
> > >
> > > love can not be found on an internet site,
> > >
> > > good luck in life
> > > === ' Hard 2 Handle' wrote the following at '2010-06-03 05:06:06'..
> > > >
> > > > LOL Thanks for the pimp out - and I will swear in my status if I want to.
> > > >
> > > > Only thing I have ever said about you is that it is sad that you take crushes so seriously. Begging for a crush is like telling someone to say they love you. It means shit.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Have a great day,
> > > >
> > > > Michele
> > > > === 'MONICA THE GREAT IF YOU CRUSH ME PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN LUV ON U that means send me a pm' wrote the following at '2010-06-03 03:12:33'..
> > > > >
> > > > > MONICA THE GREAT IF YOU CRUSH ME PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN LUV ON U that means send me a pm just pimped you out! This means you will appear in the online user bar at the top of the screen in 5 minutes. Everyone on fubar will see you scroll by!
> > > > >
> > > > > MONICA THE GREAT IF YOU CRUSH ME PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN LUV ON U that means send me a pm also sent you this message:
> > > > >
> > > > > "I am pimping you out because you said an unkind thing to me once, and i let it get to me by saying an unkind thing about you
> > > > >
> > > > > you shouldn't swear in your status, i am not the only one that may have a chip on my shoulder
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > you have a good day :)"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >

I got into another car accident this evening.  It exterbated the pain of my orignal injury from my previous car accident last feburary.  I was in the emergency room for several hours for tests, they did not find anything broken, so i got to be sent home with a neck brace.  I am too see the orthopedic surgan in the next few days and he will decide the direction i must take.  I would like to thank my close fu friends for your love and support as i freaked out on you via text.  I was super scared.

I will keep you posted