1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
7. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
8. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
9. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. My personal
favorite, LOL
10. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
11. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "June flower."
12. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted
and used against you.
13. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
14. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
15. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
16. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
17. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and
blame it on the higher cost of living.
18. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
19. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
20. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
21. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world
population.
22. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
23. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those
who got there first.
24. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
25. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
26. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
27. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
28. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
29. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
30. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12
people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
31. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
