I’ve had a lot of thought about the fact recently, maybe its time but it’s hard to do. You spend so much time wishing to go back when you where happy and so much time being depressed about it when maybe if you just moved on you could really be happy again. Lets not get me wrong here I really want to do that but when you are depressed most of the time its pretty hard to really find someone out there in the crowd and make yourself look like someone special instead of the average lowlife out there. When only your close friends out there are the only ones that realize that as fact it makes things really hard. I mean really I spent 8 years with someone just to have them completely destroy me on the inside to all of a sudden ditch me for a so called friend of 22 years and go as far as move in with his fricking parents. That just completely destroyed me on the inside, granted I made mistakes with the relationship that I shouldn’t have but nothing even close to the mistakes she made and yet somehow I forgave her like I always did because I truly loved her like no other in my life. Inside I am really a great guy and someday I will make a woman really happy once I find her and somehow she can see around my heartache that I feel everyday and nurse me back to my true self. It’s just that most days I am truly to dead inside to even approach a woman and even say hi because like I said I am depressed some days and it really gets the best of me sometimes. I know in actual reality from what I witness with my own eyes what I see guys do to women and the emotional heartache they do to them on an every day basis that I really am above average to most guys and probably am a really great catch. Just understand that there is a great pain inside my heart and a hole that I am trying to heal deep inside of me, just because it hasn’t healed yet doesn’t mean that it won’t with the right person by my side.
