Wikkid's blog: "Most Important Blogs"

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Being offended is a choice to be a victim. Have you ever thought about how silly it is to go around being offended?

There are people who turn on the radio and get offended because they hear someone speaking in a certain tone or saying a word they don’t like. Some people have a whole list of words that they are offended by, and anytime someone says one of them, they go off into a tantrum.

Albeit, it’s just like allowing someone else’s behavior decide how you are going to be emotionally. You can be the person whose emotions or strings are pulled by someone else, depending on how they choose to act or what words they choose to use.

You choose your own emotional responses, and you own them. You can blame others for how you choose to feel and pretend that you are a victim.

Or you can choose not to give anyone permission to take away your happiness, joy or good mood away from you.

You can give away your power and allow someone else’s behavior to pull your strings….

Or you can allow yourself the right to process their behavior for what it is: It’s THEIR behavior, not yours. Being offended and angry or embarrassed by someone’s behavior is a resistance to accepting the reality that they are responding and acting with who they are and how they choose to be.

When you accept people as they are and mirror back their reality to them, they will feel understood and then you can seek to be understood, because they will be open to a new perspective.

If you don’t like what someone is saying on the radio, turn the dial. If you don’t like the way someone chooses to dress, turn your eyes. Don’t feast your eyes on it.
If someone else wants to listen to rock music that you think is disgusting, then don’t listen to it. That is what free speech and the First Amendment of the Constitution are about. That’s what free expression is all about. That’s what it’s all about; there is no code that is going to fit everyone.

However, when you come from love you always know what to do and you have consideration, honor, honesty, security, trust, acceptance, integrity, understanding – all those things are love and you cannot be wrong with them. This also means having enough self-love and dignity, not to be burdened with someone else’s victimizing behavior and if need be, allowing them to act that way away from you.

Choosing to not be offended is to not be a victim.

People speak the way they speak.

You may not like violence in movies or the cursing in a TV show. Maybe you don’t like seeing people starve when we have more food than ever and have enough for everyone. Maybe you don’t like crime or abuse in some form or all forms.

Instead of resisting reality that these things exist and judging them as behavior that shouldn’t be done or is a sin, you accept it as a part of the world in its present state and understand that its behavior that proves to be unhealthy and you do your part to rid it of the world.

You can stop watching violent movies or a TV show that uses language you don’t like. You can a community service that feeds the hungry and homeless or you can give food to a food drive.

You can learn and teach a class on self-defense, whether it be verbal, psychological or physical defense against abuse.

We have to make a judgment of recognition of the pleasure and price of our choices, so that we can make choices that help propel us forward to our purpose and mission in life.

That judgment is accepting things and people as they are. That judgment is a righteous one to allow us to make a realistic choice. That judgment is acknowledging that the current state of humanity is only a result of the choices the masses has made as a whole in the past.

When you resist what someone or yourself has done in the past and you feel guilty ashamed sorry, angry, offended or upset about it – you are resisting the fact that you cannot change the past, instead of focusing on what you can do NOW to change your present or future circumstances in life.

You can accept your actions or behavior, or of others, in the past as it was and choose to learn to be a stronger person from it – or you can resist it and resist that you cannot change it and choose to remain stuck in your head in the past and living in a state of pain of denial, struggling with “It shouldn’t have been that way.”

Every choice we make is perfect, as we help setup situations to learn what it is we need to learn. You can never have “Shoulda, coulda, woulda” last Friday, today. You can’t do that. You can’t change what you did last Friday, but you can change what you do NEXT time.

This, in effect, is the same principle of being offended by the behavior of another person. You can resist the reality of how they choose to act and allow it to dictate how you choose to feel emotionally – or you can accept it as their behavior, without taking offense and understanding that it has nothing to do with you, but conveying, if need be, that their behavior does not affect you in any way you choose not to.

You can allow people to offend, intimidate, control, and manipulate you; or you can choose to not allow them that permission.

When you tell someone that their behavior dictates how you feel, you are training them to think they are omnipotent and more powerful than you are. You are training them to control you and your emotional responses and by giving away your power, you are training them to victimize and their will.

People treat you the way that you TRAIN them to treat you.

5 Dimensional (5D) Compassion Formula

The 5 Dimensional Compassion Formula is a series of questions that are designed to help men calm down before you “train” and “spank” your girlfriends. Whenever you feel anger, hatred, frustration, jealousy, resentment, and so on, it's HIGHLY recommended that you use this technique to help yourself move beyond such fear-based emotions.

Believe me, if you choose to talk to a lot of women to find one you like, or you choose to teach people this stuff, you will most likely need a lot of compassion work along the way. A lot of people, even women, can be very rude, unstable, or not really want your help or love. They just want attention, pity and other forms of energy. Some women can be rude when you approach them, especially if you go to clubs, and some times people can just be very annoying.

Most people are too hard on themselves, and worse, they try to motivate themselves with anger, guilt and other painful, unhealthy, imbalanced emotions.

I want to talk to you about having REAL COMPASSION for yourself and others. Just like only when you love yourself can you truly love others; once you have real compassion for yourself, only then can you have real compassion for others.

What is compassion and how do we experience more of it?

Compassion is one of the best things we can do for our Inner Game; it is a deep honoring and respect for the Self, for other people, and for the world.

The dictionary describes compassion as a 3 Dimensional quality which we will call 3D Compassion

The dictionary defines compassion as:

1. Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.
2. A deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering
3. The human quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it.
The dictionary states that compassion means to have a deep awareness of (1D), and sympathy for(2D), another's suffering and wanting to do something about it (3D).

There is nothing in there about unconditional love, respect, and honor for the path the people are choosing. It's all about having PITY for people and feeling sorry for them.

It's arrogant if you think about it, because feeling sorry for someone assumes that you are superior to them, that you have “higher value” than they do. And since most of you know that I love to bash religion, most religions not only teach their followers delusions of grandeur, they also enforce it by teaching them to feel sorry for themselves and to have compassion and judgment but no love for others who aren't of their religion. 'Oh, they need to be saved, poor them, let's force salvation on them.'

It's like when you look at the path someone has chosen and you say, “That poor sucker, I feel sorry for them, what a loser.” It has nothing to do with REAL compassion, the kind of compassion that enlightened masters like Jesus, Buddha, or the Dalai Lama were able to feel congruently within their hearts.

We need to think of all sentient beings as precious beings, as a large source of our joy and with REAL compassion and caring. Not in the sense of feeling sorry for them and looking at them as inferior to us, but with the focus of being equal beings in that they are also precious and superior beings. I may be more self-aware than someone, but that does not mean that I am better than them.

This goes to say that when people violate our core values and we get hurt by their actions, we need to have compassion and honor for who they are choosing to be without judgment, and we need to take responsibility for how we invite or allow their behavior and actions to affect us.

When you really begin to care for all people, I guarantee that more people who are often difficult, will start to respect you and will often find the desire to change their ways. This isn't always the case, but having real compassion for people will do more good and allow for more harmonious changes than judging them and looking down on them.

A lot of people really do not want to learn. They just want attention, sympathy and to steal your energy. We can refer to them as 'energy vampires' who will suck you dry and wear you down if you let them. Albeit, when you come from a position of honor, love and compassion it will have more positive effects than judgment ever will.

As the saying goes “Always love your enemy..... because nothing annoys them more.”

Whether you believe that Jesus was a mythical Gnostic figure and was fiction or not, it's safe to say that he had one of the deepest levels of compassion that has ever been written about.

He was beaten, tortured, nailed to the cross and left to die. And what did he actually SAY when he was up on that cross, bleeding to death? He said. “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” Talk about understanding and compassion! How do you think he was able to have such a deep compassion, even under such horrific circumstances?

Because of my interpretation of the parable of his story and parable of the Bible, it is clear to me that he understood things on a much deeper level. He had a much bigger picture in mind, but he also had a different picture than what most Christians have believed for thousands of years. Although the Bible is fictitious and was never meant to be taken literally, the parable is much different and more realistic than the current prophecy of Christianity.

Jesus also had a heart chakra that was WIDE OPEN. This is why he could heal with healing hands, as the heart chakra extends to the hands to give and receive the real energy of love. This is how those who have been documented with the real gift of healing hands have had that gift.

We are going to go through a formula for what can be referred to as 5 Dimensional (5D) Compassion, or Enlightened Master level of Compassion. It is really very simple.

Before we start, I want you to think of someone that you have trouble honoring. It can be someone who cheated on or lied to you, someone who used you or stole from you, a parent or lover who beat you, someone who may have offended you because they told you something that conflicted with your beliefs, or maybe your lover tried arguing with you or nagging you - it doesn't matter who the person is or what the actual injustice or conflict was. You could even choose to use the formula on yourself.

CAUTION: Sexual abuse creates sort of a “mind virus” and is the hardest abuse to discuss and get over. My next blog will be about that because I had someone ask me weeks ago to help her get over her fears of abuse. For now, try to pick a more general, and not so SERIOUS issue to work with, especially if you are just learning this for the first time. Pick someone that you have difficulty honoring and having compassion for.

I assume you have someone in mind.

Up until a few months ago, I spent over two years on a personal ad website called Mate1.com. After talking to hundreds of women and reading thousands of profiles, I noticed one (of many) consistent statement on about 95-98% of all those profiles. The biggest injustice and people that women have a hard time honoring and having compassion for are men who cheat and lie.

So I'm going to use this as an example. It has been years since I have been cheated on, but it has happened to me too in the past and I had to learn how I invited it into my life and had to do a lot of compassion work on myself about it.

So let's use BETRAYAL as the example, and see if we can turn it into 5D compassion, honor, and unconditional love.

STEP ONE - Identify the Conflict

This one is easy. You need to define exactly what the conflict, or injustice, or thing that you're upset about really is. So in this case, the example is “cheating” or “betrayal”.

STEP TWO - Roles - How did you invite this into your life?

You need to identify the ROLES that you BOTH played in this. It is not meant to condone the betrayal, but it's important to take response-ability for the part that you played in this. How did you invite this betrayal into your life?

Maybe you accepted flirting with other people to happen; maybe you even flirted with other people yourself. (There is a type of harmless flirting and I know couples who are secure and trustworthy enough that they don't take it seriously to invite cheating.) maybe you put up with too much “crap” - in other words, maybe you didn't set your foot down and assert yourself appropriately. Perhaps you allowed your lover to frequently show up late, or flake on you, argue with you, etc. Maybe you didn't deal with issues as they came up, and perhaps you both swept things under the carpet. You know, after awhile these things start piling up...

So take a look at the role that you BOTH played in this, and please pay special attention to the role that YOU played.

Now take a moment and view the scenes from THE OTHER PERSON'S EYES. This is called empathy. How do you think THEY perceive these events? Take a moment to actually step into their body and feel what it's like to walk a mile in their shoes. Look at the conflict from both sides, and then look at it from a distance. View the scenes as if they were happening on a TV screen. This is called objectivity. So keep looking at the events, the conflicts, and the issues from the perspectives:

1. See the events through your eyes
2. See the events through the other person's eyes
3. See the events from the outside observer perspective.

For me, seeing things from the other person's eyes was the hardest, but it is a little easier if you look at it from an outside observer's perspective.

STEP THREE - Practical Lessons

What are the practical lessons that you need to learn from this experience? Because if you don't take the time to figure out what you can learn from this, you will eventually experience the same conflict again and again until you finally learn what needs to be learned. In the context of getting cheated on, what could you have done instead of, say, sweeping relationship problems under the carpet? What will you do differently next time?

Maybe the cheating resulted from a fight. What could you say differently next time to calm the fight down. Maybe you could tell your girl to go write you a 300 word essay about how arguing messes up a relationship and not to come back until she is done.

Maybe you could repeatedly tap her lightly on the forehead between her eye brows with your fingertip and say, “What are you doing? You love me, so why are you not talking to me calmly? Shut up and kiss me NOW!” (Tapping someone on the forehead with your finger, covers their Third-Eye chakra and makes them confused. It breaks their concentration of the emotions they are feeling.)

STEP FOUR - The World Is Your Mirror

“The world is your mirror” is one of the toughest concepts to grasp, because most people do not take response-ability for themselves and their reality. Most people are content to blame others and to feel like victims.

What aspects of yourself are being reflected back to you?

For example, if you were cheated on and have had difficulty having compassion for this person, you need to take a look at the parts of YOURSELF that you are judging. Would YOU cheat under any circumstance? Now is the time to be VERY honest with yourself and to be the Non-Judgmental Observer.

Another example would be if someone lied to you or stole from you. Have YOU ever lied and/or stolen something before?

Let's say that someone RAPED you. That's a tougher one to get over. Most rape victims have trouble feeling compassion for the one who raped them. But what aspect of yourself is this person showing you? What are they telling you about yourself? Have you ever been sexually abusive? Did you know that ALL abuse is actually sexual abuse? Have you ever yelled out of anger at someone you love? Yelling itself is not abusive, being abusive is abuse. If you've NEVER, ever been abusive towards someone, I'd be very surprised and say that you are probably in denial.

What else could your abuser be mirroring back to you? Could it be that you don't take care of yourself as much as you should? Or perhaps you need to learn to trust your intuition more? Or perhaps you have told yourself repeatedly that you are weak. Have you ever behaved like a doormat with the people in your life? Or maybe you just needed to learn that walking by yourself in a dark alley or dark parking lot at 3am probably isn't the safest way to live? Or maybe getting drunk and teasing guys that you're not even interested in to begin with isn't the wisest thing to do?

Again, it is not to condone their behavior, but you need to be honest with yourself and learn from this experience. Maybe what they are mirroring back to you is that your self-esteem is really low. No need to BLAME yourself, just take response-ability for the part you played in this.

As was mentioned before, “The world is your mirror” is one of the toughest lessons for people to grasp, but once you get it, your inner game will start to become extremely solid.

With that said, the world isn't always your mirror. All generalizations break down eventually, and so does this one.

For example, someone might break into my house and steal from me. That doesn't make me a thief, but I still need to look at the role that I played. Perhaps I should have taken better precautions to secure my home.

When a person truly begins to take response-ability for creating their own reality, the world is no longer their mirror and the actions of others have nothing to do with you.

To give an example that pertains to relationships, in the past, a few of my lovers decided to cheat on me. I am truly a loyal lover. I have never cheated on a woman, not in the sense of sleeping with someone else. I did two time a girl ONCE for a week, when I was 18, because she was my first true love and I KNEW I was going to lose her, even though I never did anything to make her want to leave. I happened to meet a girl that I dated for a week, out of fear of losing someone very important to me. I never slept with her, but I guess you could call it cheating. But I learned to NEVER do it again just because I couldn't handle violating my own values or hurting girls like that..

After that, I had a few lover's go out and cheat on me. I was always a loyal lover, but a few times I was angry when I found out, especially when the guys they cheated on me with were supposed to be my best friends at the time. It always seemed that my best friends wanted what I had. Back then though, I indirectly invited into my life. I am very careful with who I let my lover hang out with without me, cause it doesn't matter what the guys say, most if not all her guy friends want to sleep with her. If I truly know that I can trust her, by knowing that her first 5 chakras are open and balanced, then I am not concerned. If she lies to me, her throat chakra will actually go out of whack and there is a way to check them with a pendulum.

But let's say that my lover decides to go out and cheat on me. I don't cheat on my lovers. So her actions would have no reflection back on me as being an unloyal lover. I don't argue with my lover, I don't let things slide and not address them when they come up. Even when I was younger and always worried about doing the wrong thing, I often lost girls even when it had nothing to do with me. It was because of them and where they were at in their life.

If I really want to make sure that I didn't indirectly invite the betrayal, I will stop and take a look at my Chakras.

The first chakra, the Root Chakra, teaches us to honor our body. The second chakra, the Sacral Chakra, releases us from Ego and the illusion of inadequacy and neediness. The third chakra, the Solar Plexus Chakra, teaches us to actively appreciate ourselves and to “not take crap” from people. The fourth chakra, the Heart Chakra, teaches us that we are truly loved and to accept ourselves fully as we are. The fifth chakra, the Throat Chakra, teaches us to communicate our truth and to give service to others.The sixth chakra, the Brow Chakra, teaches us to take response-ability and to release past experiences which no longer serve us (living in the Now moment).The seventh chakra, the Crown Chakra, teaches us that We Are God Also.

Looking back at the relationship with the one who cheated on me, can I see where I might have violated any of those Universal Laws? Was I acting needy? Did I give away my power? Did I accept myself fully and allow myself to feel loved? Did I speak my truth at all times?

If the answer is yes, then I know that I didn't indirectly contribute to the cheating. I now know for certain that “it's not about me”.

STEP FIVE - Releasing Blame

Can you now release this person from blame? This one is easy when you understand that you are not a “victim”. On the contrary, it is wise to view yourself as an active participant in a contract and lesson that you helped set up.

Don't just see the person - look at the SOUL. There is a Soul inside the body and it is here, just like you are, learning the tough lessons of love and life.

If you ever see this person again, will you be able to be KIND to them? This may or may not be desirable. If you were raped, it's probably wise to just avoid this person altogether. But ask yourself the question anyway. Could you be kind to this person from a distance? Can you be kind to them in your mind? HOW will you be kind to them? WHEN will you be kind to them?

(Do not bother trying to take the other person through this formula, unless they are willing to learn. Most people do not understand response-ability and true compassion, and will become very defensive.)

You should be feeling a surge of compassion and gratitude for the other person involved in the conflict/contract. You should now be viewing this experience as a GIFT. If not, then go back through the steps and start over. Sometimes it takes a few attempts before we finally get to the lesson(s) we are working on. Especially Step Four requires brutal self-honesty. If you are not getting the lessons that you need, simply rake the feelings out of your body, bubble the whole thing and trust the Universe to send you the appropriate people, situations and contexts that will help you increase your awareness. When has it ever let you down?

If you missed out on how to rake the feelings out of your body and bubble your feelings and thoughts to let them go, it is described in my blog How To Train Your Woman To Deal With Emotions.

I didn't learn this formula until late last year and I have not had any situations arise where I have needed to use it, mostly for compassion work on myself. I'm really good at learning from my experiences and taking responsibility for my actions and how I invite things into my life. This formula makes all that thinking a much easier, and less time consuming, affair.

But to give you an example, I am going to use a situation from a few years ago, that I could have used it, although, I don't think I did too bad without it, having this formula would have made it easier.

Several years ago, I was drug 80ft down a paved road by two guys in a truck. It was kind of stupid how it happened really and actually was quite a story. I was talking to one of two guys who were in a truck just off the shoulder and they said they were out looking for a fight. They didn't seem to want anything to do with me though. They were just asking me questions. Nothing alarming. I kept my distance. But then they went to leave and I let my guard down. I shook hands with the guy and all of a sudden they took off. I ran 80ft with the truck at 20 m.p.h. while the guy held onto me. I couldn't keep up any longer and I turned my body away from the truck to break his grip. I rotated 180 degrees and landed face first into the pavement. I crawled to the shoulder because I had also landed on my knees and couldn't stand. Some of my friends were outside and came to me. Eventually, my adrenaline kicked in and I was walking around, blood all over, hoping they'd come back so I could kick their ass. The E.M.T.'s and police came and I went to the hospital

Everyone thought I had been ran over, but it was my lunch box that had been. I had just gotten home from work when I was talking to them. So everyone thought it was worse than it was. Because of my head injury, the E.M.T.s kept asking me the same questions, and kept asking me what part of my body had been ran over. By the time we got to the hospital, I had already diagnosed my own wounds. I had road rash on my arms, chest, shoulders and knees and a gash above my eye that was bleeding all over the place. I think it goes without saying, even though I was very calm and not hysterical, I was quite upset and very pissed off. Having compassion for these guys at the time was not on my agenda.

Some of my friends had been harassed by these two guys earlier and they identified them. They were arrested by the next morning. My Mom and I went to court and when those guys saw me they turned ghost white and would not look me in the eye. The judge was really pissed when he saw me. They had enough evidence against them that they had no chance. Eventually they both went to prison.

I had heard that the story was on TV and the radio. I came across a local news website and looked and sure enough, there was an article about it. They had my age wrong and the guy who held onto me claimed he knew me and claimed that he let me go. I was pissed. So I wrote my own article, telling the story in the same detail that I had already made 3 times. Not only did I tell it without losing the case, but I was even offered a future journalist job for the site if they expanded.

The passenger's family, (the guy who held onto me) harassed me during a few court appearances, acting as if it was all my fault, when BOTH of those guys admitted that I NEVER instigated anything. Their stories were identical to mine and my witnesses, except they tried to pin it on each other. The police said, in all their years of working they had never seen all the accounts be identical before. But during their sentencing, I tried to show them some compassion, but I also put them in their place. I had people crying, my mother was crying, their families were shitting their pants. After I mentioned it, the judge told the passenger's family that they'd go to jail if they harassed me. I was too emotional and in the zone of what I wanted to say to notice, but my Mom mentioned that after my statement, his family seemed to have more empathy for me. I was calm during my statements, but I wanted nothing more than to jump across that guy's lawyer, and show him what it's like to be abused. If I remember right, I told him that or asked him how he would feel if I did.

The driver, tried to play the “responsible father/husband role” to get out of it. Turns out he was a dead beat Dad and husband and couldn't hold a job. I told him that I was a little angry that his lawyer tried to play that off because if he had been responsible, he would have been home taking care of his family, or at least not doing anything to jeopardize it. He had a beautiful wife who was obviously a good wife/mother and they had cute kids.

My Mom gave me an insight on compassion though. She said that the sad thing was that he had little kids who were too young to understand why Daddy would be going away. I can't remember if I repeated that to him or if she told me after the whole thing, but I do remember having to bite my tongue and not say “Maybe, I could introduce myself and show your wife and kids how a real man takes cares of his family while you are gone.”

The driver's lawyer tried to attack me and say that I wasn't very compassionate when I said that I didn't feel sorry for him that he was going to prison, when in my article I had said I was a very spiritual person. I told the kid that on a personal level, I forgave him, but on the level of justice, he was getting what he deserved. He said it was fair and his lawyer looked like an ass.

However, I mentioned to both of them that they were expecting people to have sympathy for them, to feel sorry for them and to have compassion for them and their families, but they showed me no compassion nor did they think about how my family would feel about them putting my well-being in jeopardy. I told them both that violence, very RARELY, solves anything and I hoped they both learned from it so they could better their lives.

It's not like I stood up there and just pointed the finger, and cursed them out, telling them that I hoped they burned in Hell and blah, blah, blah. Now, I could give them more to think about, but at the time, I did a phenomenal job.

What happened was they got introduced to each other, went out drinking and decided to go beat someone up because they both had lost their jobs. I told them both, “You told me that you two were out looking for some guys who thought they were bad asses and needed their ass kicked... but if you ask me, all you had to do was get out of the truck and kick the hell out of each other. But if you weren't such cowards, you could have gotten out of the truck and given me a chance to beat your ass into the ground.”

Throughout the whole thing, even though I had more anger over it than anyone (now, I realize it was mostly at myself) I also had the most humor about it also. I don't remember all the jokes I used to say about them, but I had people laughing all the time even right after it happened. I was too actually. I had to have the police take pictures of my wounds, and I jokingly told the cop “This isn't exactly how I was planning on starting my modeling career.” He was a bit overweight and said “Yeah, well, your six pack is making me sick. But your shirt back on.” My Mom was cracking up.

Most of my anger that I actually felt was the night it happened and during both of their individual sentences. I was calm and kept my wits when I was being pulled down the road, and I was calm when I told them off. Most people I know would be hysterical and not be capable of thinking of a way out and I'm sure most people would not be capable of accepting response-ability if they did what I did nor having compassion for these guys at all. I have lost jobs and stuff, but I have never felt the need to make myself feel better by beating other people up. I beat myself up mentally enough already when I was younger.

So, anyway, let's go through the formula. Maybe I will learn something new even though I have been over this for years.

STEP ONE - Identify the Conflict

That is easy. They violated my rights to having physical, psychological and spiritual well-being and safety. They put me in a position where I was going to not be able to keep up with the truck anymore and would end up getting hurt or I'd end up hurt trying to get out of the situation.

STEP TWO - Roles - How did I invite this into my life?

Well, talking to the guys and keeping my distance didn't put me in jeopardy. Though I wasn't respecting myself by continuing to talk to them after they told me they were looking for trouble, but now I would probably be able to talk to them to make them question themselves and maybe prevent anyone from getting hurt. If anything, surely letting my guard down and shaking the guys hand wasn't too bright, either. But on the other hand, despite all the pain I went through, I may have prevented someone else who wasn't as strong, or who's circumstances wouldn't have been so incredible, from serious injury and trauma. The fact that my friends had a run in with them earlier that evening, and identified them and they were caught was quite miraculous if you ask me.

As the saying goes, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Next...empathy. Stepping into their bodies and seeing the world through their eyes, I began to understand that losing their jobs probably made them angry or feel out of control. It is hard to say, because I know one guy couldn't keep a job. I think the other got laid off. I can understand. But I have been laid off before and when I was younger, I either quit or got fired because I question authority or was feeling sorry for myself and acting dumb. I can understand their low self-esteem. I can understand their stress, confusion and fear levels.

Stepping into the Observer Role, I know that the attack wasn't personal. They were simply probably angry. They also had a desperate need to feel strong and in control. It is because they felt so out of control that they used violence to try to make up for it.

Most violence is just macho, scared, irresponsible and out of control behavior.

STEP THREE - Practical Lessons

What are the practical lessons that I needed to learn from this? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is not letting your guard down when you know someone is looking for trouble. Shaking the guy's hand was not a good idea. Even though he didn't hold onto me tightly until they took off.

Also, when you know something is up, get a license plate number BEFORE anything happens, if you can. If I had and they asked me what I was doing, I would have told them. That probably would have stopped them from doing anything to anyone, at least for that night. If my friends hadn't been there, I would have been screwed when it came to getting them arrested.

STEP FOUR - The World Is My Mirror

What were these two guys reflecting back at me? Well, they had no respect for me or my well-being and I didn't respect myself by not walking away, keeping my distance or saying anything to try to thwart their intentions. If I had mirrored back their reality instead and found out why they wanted to hurt someone, I might have been able to give them something to think about before it was too late for them or me or someone else.

They were open about what they were looking for, but they were cowardly and had to earn my trust to trick me into getting hurt. They were aggressive when I let my guard down. Is there a reflection there? Well, at that time and now I am not an aggressive person, except a little bit sexually. Grabbing a girls hair, spanking her, things like that. I am VERY assertive at times, though. I am not an outwardly aggressive person. Am I aggressive towards myself? If I look at self-aggression, I don't honestly get angry at the Self. But if I happen to do so, situations like this give me an opportunity to see it and to decide to have more compassion for myself, instead. If I was angry at myself at all during this it was because I let my guard down and allowed myself to get hurt.

One lost his job and the other got laid off. They didn't take response-ability for their actions and/or responses to their predicament and they chose to feel like victims. They also did not want to take response-ability for their actions towards me. How does this reflect upon me? Well, for one, at the time I was quite irresponsible with money, but I had a very secure job at the time. Still with the company today, as screwed up as it is. Being responsible with money is my downfall. I know I can create budgets and stick to them and save money, but I don't. I don't have any big debts anymore, but most of the stuff that I need or want costs quite a bit and unless I get a second job for awhile or save money, I won't get them. But now I am saving some money and investing in stocks. Maybe I just need to write my Bestseller and get my business of teaching people all this stuff going because it's what I love to do and then the money will follow.

In general, I take response-ability for my actions and I always make the best of everything and learn EVERYTHING that I can from each experience. I CHOOSE to not feel like a victim, but rather I understand that I am part of the process that helped create a learning experience.

One of the guys was out looking for trouble and neglecting his family, the other was neglecting his girlfriend. They both lied to their families and themselves about what they were up to. Now, I'm not one to lie to people, though I have when I was younger. Not even to get out of a driving ticket. I can make people believe the craziest things if I want to. Of course, I only tell outlandish stories if I am messing with someone and I let them off the hook eventually. Lying only causes more problems, no matter how rough the truth can be.

At the time though, I did often neglect my family and friends, just because I preferred to be by myself a lot. Plus, I was very quiet about my views on life and relationships. My personal and romantic life has always been more important to me. Though, at the same time, the more friends I meet, the less time I have for myself, cause I can go out in one night and easily make 20-30 new friends. Sometimes, several people want my attention all at the same time. I am better at managing several girls at once, than a bunch of friends. I can get the girls to take care of each other when I am not available. LOL Now, I am more open about my life and my views and it has been uplifting.

STEP FIVE - Releasing Blame

By the time the whole thing was over, I didn't really need this step and I surely don't need it now. Releasing these guys from blame and having compassion for them is easy, because by the time it was over, I didn't feel like a victim anymore. What they had really done was truly a gift because it helped me to increase my awareness about myself.

I hope you all find this formula useful. We are all here to help and understand each other.

My next blog will be about sexual abuse as someone asked me how to get over her fears so she could move on in her life and she wants me to share it in case we can help someone else. I hope this 5D Compassion formula helps her and in the next blog there will be another simple technique to help turn any sexual abuse into compassion, understanding and, ultimately, love. It also is followed by doing this formula.

After that blog I will write about chakras, seeing as I have been talking about them more. And I'm going to introduce the Decision Grid, which will help you decide what to do if you are thinking of staying in/leaving a relationship, or to help your girlfriends make important decisions. It is especially useful if you meet a girl who is in a relationship and she can't decide if she wants to leave the other guy to date you. You can also use it to reach higher levels of congruence.

Be Well.