I have also been doing a lot of thinking about myself lately. I think that I have been in too many failed relationships. Trying to figure out what I have done wrong in each and everyone is hard because some of them I put entirely too much into. I have lost me in the process of all of this. Which is truly a sad thought.
What I mean by this is I rearrange all my beliefs , hopes and dreams to fit what that person wanted at the time. I have decided not anymore. I want someone who wants the same things I want. There is someone out there for everyone. I want that one that is for me.
I have put a lot of thought into this person and every single man I have been with has helped me to a point on figuring out who this person would be. I believe that people come in your life for a reason. Be it just to help you through something you do not know is coming or to show you something. Some may come and go but everyone leaves their own special mark on your heart and soul. It may be good and it may be bad but it is there. The way to get through it is to take the good and use it. The bad stuff is to show you how strong you can be through it all I think.
In ways the bad is also there to show you what you may not want in life. You can use it to help decide what you will and will not put up with in the future out of people. Some of the bad things I put up with out of people in the past will no longer be part of my life. When I try to think of a reason for why I put up with some much for so long out of them I can't honestly think of one. So the only answer could be I was blinded by what I thought was love and also just plain old stupidity.
This is something that I will never do again. I will not bend till I break. I will not go beyond what I believe is right. I will not sacrifice me for anyone. Mostly I will not try and make someone see things the way I see them because I want them to be the person they are and if I can not love them for that then we do not belong together to begin with.
I may be just repeating things I said last night. I see it as a different subject to a point. I will no longer put up with bullshit. I am getting to old for it. I want the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I do not care if it is perfect because nothing is you have to take the good with the bad but I want the one relationship that I can say "Hey I know we are not perfect, don't have everything, and we argue, but we love each other every morning when we wake up and every night when we go to sleep without everything." I know that sounds stupid but think about money does not buy love and things can't replace people if it could then all those rich stars and people would not be divorced and unhappy so much. So money is irrelevant to a point as long as you have a roof of your head, food on the table, and each other that should be enough.
In closing, I think people need to quit looking at the checkbook and start looking at the person. And another thing looks are not everything because I have been with some great looking guys and they are horrible people. Don't get me wrong I have been with some that I was like what the hell and they were horrible as well. So looks don't mean nothing it just means you have a cute looking pain in the ass next to you not that you are happy. So I am looking into people for now on. In fact I have someone I am talking to that it is hard to get off the phone because we have actual conversations without talking about, sex, us, or anything just plain talking like we have know each other for years. I am loving it every single second of it. Right now I wouldn't trade him for the world if it was offered to me.
Who he is and what this means is another topic that I will choose to talk about later. Right now we are friends trying to see what each other is about and it is going great. There is a whole entire set of new complications there but nothing I can't handle if and when I choose to be with him which is looking like a good possibility. Any ways I am going to let yall go. Have a great week.
