fear is the heart of love's blog: "More Then A Feeling"

Have you ever felt.. those sad butterflies.. or the very hurtful ones.. yeah. thats how you make me feel you give me ALL kinds, but you don`t seem to care & theres nothing i can do about it... i feel horrible i hate this feeling, this feeling of self doubt, that i`m not good enough or something it sucks; i just want it to disapear, i want you to disappear, no i just want you to stop hurting me, leading me on, or whatever your doing. i hate it how i let you play with my heart, its out in the open.. and i let you crush it and then build it up again, and then let it fall to peices once more.. i should just lock up my heart & never give away the key. i can`t do this anymore, the hard thing is.. you've got me totally hooked, every time i see you, or hear your voice i go weak.. & it seems as tho theres nothing i can do about it and i just wish i could let you go.. & your not even THAT special.. just to me.. you have no idea. i don`t no how to explain the way i feel about you. i just ugh. whatever, break me again i don`t care.

When I was a little girl, I always had a dream, I always wanted to be a lucky one. The one who had it all, every wish would come true.but as i got older, I realized that I didn’t need it all I didn’t need to have the newest bike or the best clothing. I needed to be the one that had the biggest smile on her face, and the most amazing things in her life that meant more than money. It took time for me to understand it all but there was one thing that showed me what the world is really about that one thing, was you. All my dreams when I was a little girl, they all did come true in the end. I found everything I wanted in life. I had it all the second I fell for you. No more dreaming, no more wishing. I was the lucky one, that found your heart and was the smart one that never let it go. i wish i still had him - if only he was that boy i thought he was. not the one that he turned into

The things you always need most always end up being what you dont have That one boy that you wanted to notice you but always was just to far to reach That bestfriend that you felt comfortable with and told eachother everything Now, your nothing but strangers That brother you always wanted to be close with but the things he does scares you That father that you always wished you had that you dont even want to know anymore Its the little things that you never cherished those are the things that just disappear You try your hardest to just have that perfect life the one where you have that boy, that bestfriend,that brother, that father but no matter how hard you try, it just crumbles infront of you. You have the times where you dont sleep for weeks, where you dont want to close your eyes cause your scared Scared that its only going to get worse. But you just have to keep your head up keep it up so high that everyone can see That smile that you hide needs to be shown You know that you can make it but question your strength Just be you, and dont keep wishing on what you wanted because if you had it all, you wouldnt be this strong.

if there's just one piece of advice i can give you, its this: When theres something you really want, fight for it. Don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. && When you've lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you're going to wish you gave it just one more shot because the best things in life don't come easy

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love

Is your hair up? Yes Is your phone right beside you? no, i lost it Do you have a bf/gf?boyfriend? No. Do you miss someone? of course. Do you wish you were somewhere else? no Do you have plans for tonight? nope. bedtime soon Are you wearing makeup? nope Are you wearing chap stick? nope. Are you cold? yup. so im wrapped up in a blanket Are you tired? kinda Are you excited? no Are you watching t.v.? yes. Are you wearing pajamas? ya Who's the last person you messaged? cell phone? the chadmister Who's the last person that called you? dustin PAST Recently done anything you regret? not really. Ever lied? oh yeah. Ever spit at someone? nope. i think that's really disrespectful Ever trip over your own feet? ahahah of course. Ever had your nails done? yes Ever thrown up because you cried so hard? nope. TODAY Have you yelled at someone? ohmygod yes. Have you gotten mad at someone? veryvery. Have you cried? yep Have you called more than 3 people? nope. Have you msgd more than 3 people? yes. Have you shaved your legs? actually yes haha. Have you eaten anything gross? nope. SPILL YOUR GUTS 1. First thing you did this morning? got up and took a shower. 2. Last thing you ate? burger and japanese salad 3. Is your cell phone a piece of crap? yes. and i lost it 4. What's something you look forward to in next 6 weeks? something to look forward to i wish. ex boyfriend is coming down YAY. haha 5. What's annoying you right now? not a thing. 6. What's the last movie you saw? BORAT. lmfao. LAST PERSON WHO? 1. Made you mad? my mom 2. Saw you cry, and when? chad. and on tuesday 3. Went to the movies with you? chad 4. You went out to dinner with? my mom and dad 5. Made you laugh? chad. 6. Held your hand? i dont know.. WOULD YOU RATHER? 1. Pierce your nose or tongue? nose. 2. Be serious or be funny? funny. 3. Drink whole or skim milk? skim. 4. Die in a fire or drown? drown. 5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? parents. 1. Flowers or candy? both haha. 2. Grey or black? black. 3. Color or black & white photos? black and white 4. Lust or love? both 5. M&Ms or Skittles? skittles 6. Staying up late or waking up early? waking up early 7. Sun or moon? moon. 8. Winter or Fall? fall. 9. Left or right? Right. 10.acquaintances or having one best friend? best friends. 11. Sunny or rainy? sunny. 12. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? vanilla ABOUT YOU 1.What time is it? 9:23pm 2. Name? Lindsay 3. Nickname(s)? Lindo, pookie doo 4. What is your birth date? november 29 5. What do you want? complete happiness 6. Where do you want to live? anywhere but here 7. How many kids do you want? 2 8. You want to get married? of course 9. Why are you doing this survey? i'm bored. -------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------- 1. Nervous habit? biting nails 2. Are you double jointed? nope 3. Can you roll your tongue? no! haha 4. Can you wear girl pants and look good? i'm a girl..lmfao 5. Can you cross your eyes? yepp 6. Do you make your bed daily? nope. RANDOM 1. Which shoe goes on first? left 2. Ever thrown one at someone? lmfao yes. 4. Why? for fun of course 5. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? cut it. or else i make a mess of myself 6. Have you ever eaten Spam? ew haha no 7. What's your favorite beverage? apple juice and milk 8. Do you cook? sometimes IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU? 1. Had a b/f or g/f? yes 2. Been hugged: yes 3. Felt stupid: all the time 4. Missed someone: oh yes. 5. Danced: mhm 6. Lied: yeah. 7. Snuck out of the house: no..