Manipulation — Saturday, October 14, 2006
LOng rambling, but the first part is ok though.
Some people see it as such a bad thing. Everyone has some controll over the people around them though, wether they realize it or not. The way you treat others, and the way you talk to them, what you say to them has a significant effect on the way they act. Not just even towards you, but to other people do. If you piss someone off, they are more likly to be pissy to even their friends and family that day. And if you smile at someone, or cheer them up, they are more likly to be happy, and be more easy going later on.
So knowing how you affect other people, is what some may call manipulation. Having this knowledge now, you just ate from the apple. ( even though it seems like common sense to me ) Manipulation is an adaptive skill that came from my envirement. It didn't start out as a consense thing, as usually it still isn't. But over time, I saw observed various things in regaurd to how people are treated. And trial by error fashion, - the natural way people learn things they don't always realize they are learning- I realized that you can have influence on how about anyone acts. So it's natural to influence them in a way that they treat you well. ( Well, in the army is relative sometimes. So well here being just not getting treated very poorly. It was mostly a -I'll only act as good as you treat me, I don't reward people for treating me like shit by working really hard. This only works though if they know you will work hard if they treat you ok though. If you are lazy all the time, it doesn't matter how they treat you, good or like shit, you are stupid and lazy and they don't gain or lose anything by how they treat you. So it's far more likly they will treat you poorly. Discrimination against stupid lazy people, how awefull? Well if you look pretty and stay out of trouble, they will still treat you ok. You only really have to have a brain if you have a problem with sucking an enormous amount of dick, and get in trouble, or don't look just how they think you look the cutest, or something like that. ) I've learned actions speak louder than words sometimes. If not most of the time. People believe actions more too. So it's better to do the right things at the right times than to say the right things at the right times.
On the bad side of it though is sometimes people won't believe you when you are honest with your words, but your actions seem to contradict what you say. Sometimes actions are a way of lieing to yourself, and make you believe what you want to. Most of the time actions are more honest than words though. Anyone can say anything, but they prove it in their actions. Actions are easier to misinterrpret than words though. So when someone does one thing, the other person might take it completly differently. An example might be, doing something nice for someone. The person doing it might be thinking- I'll do this, and then that other person owes me somhow and will do something for me " The other person might just be thinking, " oh what a nice guy, they must just like me or something" Or it could be that the person is just a nice guy, but doesn't like them at all. They just go around helping people because that's what they like to do. They have no special interest in the other person at all. It's just in their nature to help them out. All sorts of things can be interpretted from one's behaviour.
When people are nice to me, I think, ok, what does this person want? Before, my roomate would be like, ya know, you are the best friend I've ever had? Can I borrow some money? Whenever anyone says hey, I need to talk to you later. It's usually they want to borrow money. Same with anyone who I didn't usually hangout with, whenever they called me, I knew they wanted something. Usually money. So it's kinda hard for me to trust people that are nice to me sometimes if I don't know them well. Sometimes it's easier to trust totall strangers than people who are only accuaintances.
I don't know. I kinda have a scary ora about me or something. So I kinda trust people see that most of the time, and most people wouldn't do anything to people who they are afraid of. I guesse that's my defense mechanism that I don't mean to have, and can't really get rid of if I tried. That's why trying to fake my sanity just isn't worth it. It doesn't work lol. So instead I just do what I want basicly. If I don't know people, I guess I trust them as far as I can kick them. Litterly or figurativly. And things go from there. It's way hard for me to trust people with power over me. Cuz usually I can't kick them very far. I've had to watch my back from those people for almost five years, so now I'm kinda parnoid. People with power, and the abuse of it, a very stressfull envirement to live in.
In the end, if I seem manipulative, I promise it's not usually for malicious purposes. It's all well intentioned, and somewhat unconsious. And I'm not responsible for other people's actions.. I do my best to tell myself that. I don't go hold guns to people's heads, or threaten them. ( well most of the time...... refer back to people oweing me money lol ) Sometimes I see or hear about people acting how I would in whatever situation, or having similar views. Sometimes they may even get into trouble or be yelled at for it. People are responsible for their own actions. But I still feel bad sometimes. Maybe it sounds stuck up or something, but not everyone's me, and not everyone can live their life like me and "get away with it". I do what I need to, and what I can, and am prepared for the consequences if someone dissaproves of it. That's how I set my life up. It took a lot of time to do that so I can be free and live my life however now. Not everyone can just say fuckyou to their boss and quit if they want. Or do other stuff. In the army, I could get away with alot. But when other people happened to do some similar things, they got in more trouble than me.
This leads to --
--It must be nice... --
It somewhat is nice. I get what I want lots of the time, I always have. Some might say that's "spoiled". I may be somewhat "spoiled", but I work my ass off and go through a lot of shit to get what I want. I'm getting paid to go to school now,- must be nice.- I was in the army for almost 5 years, and put up with tons of bullshit for that. In the army I could do a lot of stuff, and say a lot of stuff without getting in much trouble. - must be nice- I worked really hard, made alot of people's lives easier, did my job as well as others, was really good at my job, and helped other people out when they needed it on and off work. And I read the rules, and studied the envirement around me as well as the people and their interactions with each other. But yah, in the end, it was nice being able to do what I could.--- no rent, must be nice--- I live in utah to start out, not my favorite place to be. Away from my close army friends. I live benieth my dad, who isn't exactly my favorite person. My roomate is kinda cool, but I don't have the place to myself, and I didn't pick him. My dad basicly wanted me here cuz he didn't want me to join the reserves in texas. And for little things he thought would make his life easier. There's no such thing as truly free rent. He told me all sorts of things to get me here, and then they aren' all here, and I'm away from my friends, and I have to put up with Utah people. Atleast I get all the stuff that comes from living around my family though. But then I get/have to deal with all that drama and stuff that comes with it too.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
It must be nice
It must be nice to have a girlfriend. It must be nice not to have your heartrate skyrocket when ever you walk by people and think, " I hope they don't talk to me ". It must be nice to be able to go to the grocery story and not think about how to interact with the checkout clerk. It must be nice to not have people always ask you if you are ok. It must be nice not to have knees and ankles that hurt. It must be nice not to be so easily emotional about things. It must be nice to not have an overbearing consense. Sometimes I wish I was psychotic, or just didn't actually care about the people around me as much. It must be nice to not have people ask you why you are so quiet all the time. If must be nice to have fiends of your own to go out and party with. Or even to hangout at the mall, or go to a movie with. It must be nice not to go out to eat at a resteraunt and not have people think you are weird because you are by yourself.
But hey, all in all, it's good to be me I guess. I have money, a truck, time, and it's like just being home on leave indeffinatly. All this, and I still don't do shit mostly but sit in my room on the internet.
