Disposable's blog: "Some of my Poetry"

Let me lay upon your soft lips a kiss so sublime,
one so very sensual that it will alter time
and leave us in this embrace forever so it seems,
to awaken desires and passions hid in your dreams.

Let me embrace you in my arms as true lovers do,
to show tender feelings in my heart inspired by you
and hold you so tightly but with such loving care,
spend that eternity with you safely held right there.

Let me softly whisper the sweetest of words to you,
not because you wish to hear, but cause they are true.
Words of love and eternal devotion for just thee
and let those words find a way into your heart for me.

Let me prove that love exist and it is with us now
and give you the courage to know we will last somehow
and in return I shall ask only one thing from you
I only ask that you do the same things for me too.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really do hate myself, so much is wrong with me.
Why can't I just act the way that you want me to be?
I know you love me like any parents do their child,
do not know why I do these things to drive you wild.

I should be able to do the things that you desire,
except the times you tell me to, I am not a liar,
I would never tell them that I am such a beast,
that you must keep me locked away at the very least.

I should not run when you wish to do what parents do,
or wince when you beat me for crying when you are through.
I know that you do it with Mom 'cause you love her true,
and I really try so hard to make you love me to.

You say it is our secret and no one needs to know
that my future stepfather does really love me so.
I know there's nothing wrong with it,Mom would make you stop,
protect her little treasure or even call a cop.

So why do I still feel that it is so very wrong?
For the sake of Mommy I try so hard to be strong.
She says that soon you'll marry and be a family,
from then on that this how it is going to be.

Why do I feel like dying and for it often pray,
is it normal for six year old to feel this way?
Is it through these things that your love I get to see.
I really do hate myself, so much is wrong with me.

If you do not stop it you are helping support it
if you ever see sexual abuse report it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really do hate myself, so much is wrong with me.
Why can't I just act the way that you want me to be?
Why do I do those little things that make you so mad,
is it that I am dumb or in some way am I bad?

I try not to annoy you so but somehow always do,
then I keep on 'til you are mad before I am through.
I did not mean to drop your beer but somehow I did,
I know that I deserved that slap in front of the kid.

Supper was almost ready, the roast just took too long
you did not mean to hurt me, it is just that you're strong,
and when I walked in front of you during the big game,
I did deserve that beating and I still feel the shame.

Why is it that I seem to always rub the wrong way,
when I know that you are tired after a long day,
and when I said no to lovins that was a surprise,
I know you did not mean to blacken both of my eyes.

I will explain the broken ribs as falling down stairs,
it's not like the doctor or any one really cares.
I'm sure I can set my own broken arm once again,
no need to go the doctor just to stop the pain.

Sure got you mad when I wasn't home cause of a flat,
you beat me until at last you broke the baseball bat.
Why I keep on doing these things, I just can not see,
I really do hate myself, so much is wrong with me.

If you do not stop it you are helping support it,
if you ever see physical abuse report it.

I really do hate myself, there is much wrong with me,
why can't I just act the way that you want me to?
The world sees me as a quiet and confident man,
I'm one that knows where he is going and has a plan.

It is all one giant fabrication, a big lie.
Only you see the real me with a knowing eye,
I am not worth the clothes that am wearing today
and it is something that you are very quick to say.

I can not make enough money to get what you want,
it is just one thing that for me is a constant haunt.
You show me that I am not worth your time or your care,
most the time you don't even seem to know that I there.

I try my best to please you, but nothing ever works,
and I drive you crazy with my bad habits and quirks.
You even point out that I am very bad in bed,
even though I have all the books and do what they said.

Why do you even keep one worthless as me around?
You only walk on me like I am dirt on the ground.
I was always good at so many different things,
but every one of your words of loathing still stings.

I must be a good liar though to fool all I know,
you are always there to control my ego though,
reminding me I am as worthless as I can be.
I really do hate myself, there is so much wrong with me.

If you do not stop it you are helping support it,
if you ever see emotional abuse report it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You say that you have an unconditional love for me,
I am realistic and that is something I can't see,
it is not that I doubt that you believe these words are true.
I just do not think that you have thought it completely through.

What if I was to cheat on you with your very best friend
would that be enough to bring this claim of yours to an end?
If I were to berate you in front of those that we know
and did so at every chance, would you just let it go?

If I took to beating you up, every time I could,
would you suffer quietly, thinking "it is all good?"
If I insisted that you have sex with men for pay,
would you gladly do it for love or up and run away?

What if I was a pedophile and molested our child,
or insisted that we have them join in orgies so wild?
If I were to rape and kill your sister and your mother
would you still love me or run off to be with another?

You know that I could never ever do these things to you.
They are not in my nature and I do truly love you,
I am realistic enough to know it can be lost,
if certain things are done and certain lines are ever crossed.

Even God's great love has some sins that he will not forgive
I just want us to be honest as in this love we live
To always bear in mind how the other person might feel
if we want this love to last it must be so true and real.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tell me why you do it. Why treat me this way?
Is it that you hate me or some sick game you play
is it a test that you are putting me through,
one to see if I really am in love with you?

Is there something wrong with me and the things I do
or is it that there is something deeply wrong with you?
You say that you love me and will until you die,
then you turn around and hurt me, just to see me cry.

Is it that you need in some way to see my tears
as a way to know how much I care, to abate your fears,
or is it that you get some sick pleasure from my pain,
or for some reason push to see when I will complain.

I will confess that I really do not start to have a clue
of why you do all of these hurtful things that you do.
All I know for sure is that I love with a love so true
but if this continues then it will all be through.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am a man of honor, it means a lot to me,
to do the right thing seems to come so naturally.
So it never occurred to me to think about it,
when I would do the things in life that I had to do
and how it might be thought about by those like you.

One day my eldest daughter, who at the time was two,
put on my cowboy hat and boots and come strolling through.
As you can well imagine it was not a good fit,
she held the hat with both her hands just so she could see,
the boots came up so high they were well above her knee.

I marveled at the spectacle, a sight to behold,
I took her picture and everybody I have told.
As I retold this moment with glee and parent's pride,
I became aware of just what I it was that I saw,
as strong of an epiphany as I can recall.

I was setting the example, she would follow me,
watching and creating the person that she would be.
This caused me to examine what I am deep inside,
and to wonder how many others I might have changed
as through life I wondered and emotions I had ranged.

To know that someones example in this life is you,
that all you do and say may become part of them too,
reasserts that to honor I must always be true.
I take this simple knowledge and pass it now to you
and now that you have received it, just what will you do?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They were throwing me a party with cake and ice cream
with all of the trimmings of which any kid could dream,
a lot of people bringing gifts that were just for me.
I was almost as happy as a person could be
I was turning six years old and quite a scrapping lad
and everyone was there that day, well except for Dad.

I signed up for little league and thought it would be fun.
I loved to hear the people cheer when I hit a run,
went all the way to the finals and I got to play.
I hit the winning run for the team upon that day,
they all called me a champion and I was very glad
everyone was there that day, well except for Dad.

When I graduated high school and got my degree,
they were all as proud of me as they could ever be.
All sit in that blazing sun and listened for my name,
knowing that after this my life would not be the same.
Some thought it was such a good thing, others found it sad
and everyone was there that day, well except for Dad.

I can not hold it against him the times he went away.
He told me once it was the price that he just had to pay.
I know he would love to have been there and all those thing seen,
but he had his duties as a United States Marine.
Be very thankful for the liberty that have you had,
for people do pay for it daily, just like my Dad.

I understand the life he chose and I follow it too
I now take his place in ranks and do what he use to do,
along with so many others who miss so many things
to make sure that you are safe and freedom's bell always rings.
I proudly do my duty but admit it makes me sad
to know my boy's at home with everyone but Dad.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, that I were able to slip into your dreams
and found that you had a heart that is so true.
I would settle in and unleash my loving schemes,
make myself part of your world this is what I'd do.

I would watch and learn your every heart's desire,
find out what makes you happy and what you want too
and then with everything I have I'd conspire
to give each and everyone of them to you.

Then perhaps in sweet your dreams you would let me stay
and when your dreams had all come true there is a chance
that then you would want me to never go away
and then in dreams and reality we would dance.

I would be your dream lover caring and true
and you would be my dream Angel sent from above.
We could share this sweet dream, together- me and you
and live our dream as one, eternally in love.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I could write a sonnet of your fair form and grace
and let others truly know how I feel when I see your face,
to tell the whole world of your virtues, of your grace and charms
and speaking of my lasting desire to be there in your arms,
sing to the world of you dear lady, how you are so fine,
would it indeed steal your heart away and then make it mine
or would you give it freely for these things you so desire,
would it blow the spark of interest into raging fire?

If I could write a poem that would truly make you melt,
that told of your beauty and the feelings I have felt,
write it all down in a truly sweet mesmerizing rhyme,
one that would be constantly repeated from now throughout time.
Would it make you love me to know that this is how I feel,
would it win your heart for me and then, with a kiss it seal.
Would you then want so to be with me always by my side
would I be the central source of your great joy and pride?

Then I think that there is something you should know from the start,
and I mean no form of disrespect to the poet's art.
If these things do have so much effect, look into your heart,
surely it must be a shifting thing of which I want no part.
If this could indeed be enough to wrest your heart from you,
then surely there are others around that could do it too.
No I am looking for a love that will be forever true
and stand the test of time regardless of what others do.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me take you in my arms and hold you for a while,
let me gaze into your eyes and marvel at your smile,
to softly stroke your soft hair and your lovely soft face.
Let words of eternal love, me whisper in your ear,
words I ne'er thought I would say,that you so long to hear.

Take from me this gift of love, that I so freely give.
Take my heart and hold it tight, for as long as you live,
and I will for just as long, know I have found my place.
Take from me inspiration and reason to go on,
comfort in the dark of night and strength to greet the dawn.

Let us join together now and seal it with a  kiss,
so that together we'll know, the meaning of true bliss
and face this cruel world as one, ready for each new day.
Let us walk together then, holding each others hand,
as we stroll with each other on the beach of life's warm sand.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I look upon the poet as they make their rhyme
and I wonder if they are anything at all like me.
Loving the whole world but never being loved.
They put their heart in words for us all to see,
are they making a mark or just wasting time?

Do their words fall upon deaf uncaring ears
or do some take the time to stop and think?
In a hurried world where everyone is shoved
and most are obsessed with sex and drink
can people see him trying to dry the tears?

Do they sense the valiant effort that is made
to get them to feel anything but their own pain,
to help them to again open up their hurt heart
and learn from the words what it is to live again;
do think them an annoyance and let them fade?

The poet keeps on trying to get them all to see,
that a closed mind is useless as a  deep hole.
That everybody must be willing to do our part
and each of us is just a small part of the whole,
to realize that a better world is up to you and me.

All may ignore the poet and his message clear
and pay no mind to the words that you do hear,
may forget the path that they have tried to steer
and continue living your life in such pain and fear
but know that the poet always loves you so dear.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Gazing at the sight of newly fallen snow
there is so much beauty there one sees,
but I do wonder if any other passers by,
think about the snow that's in the trees,
it is just a thing I find that I want to know.

Look up at the snow resting in the trees
there just waiting, for the slightest breeze.

Did it tire from the long fall and take rest?
Perhaps it has paused to enjoy the view,
sitting there in that lofty perch up so high,
is it wanting to be with the other snow too
or content to watch, like a bird in a nest?

Look up at the snow resting in the trees
there just waiting, for the slightest breeze.

They seem to wait until the sun appears
and when the breeze picks up a little bit,
they fly into the air again to finish the fall,
to the earth once more they do softly flit,
landing with a cool sensation on our ears.

Look up at the snow resting in the trees
there just waiting, for the slightest breeze.

They sift down gently floating in the breeze
and reflect the sun like little diamonds do,
putting on too brief a show, for one and all.
I hope that I am not alone and that also you
appreciate the beauty of snow in the trees.

Look up at the snow resting in the trees
there just waiting, for the slightest breeze.
------------------------------------------------------------
You had said that you loved me so
and never from my side would go,
professed a love undying and true,
you wanted only what I give to you.

No demands and no ties you said
just your love until you were dead.
I found these words sweet to hear
and so relished them upon my ear.

One day you got so upset with me,
for I did not carve our names in a tree,
it was in a place where you never go,
that you wanted it, how was I to know?

With angry works you struck out at me
revealing it just a grand illusion to be.
Your words like a stiff breeze did blow,
from the stage all the smoke did go.

Leaving only mirrors there upon the stage,
casting aside what seemed real in a rage.
I look now into the mirrors as I turn to leave,
just the reflection of a fool who did believe.

I guess another painful lesson learned,
once more I had faith and again burned.
Why do I fool myself, believe what I see?
There is no such thing as love, not for me.