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- Jack Bauer refused a syringe at a blood bank. Instead, he asked for a gun and a bucket

- When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

- Don't even ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...

- Jack Bauer once lost reception on his cell phone. 24 hours later AT&T announced that it would have more bars in more places.

- Ordinary people have panic attacks. Chuck Norris has Jack Bauer attacks!

- Vin Diesel can be rearranged to say "I end lives." Jack Bauer can be rearranged to say "Jack Bauer," which means the same thing.

- Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

- Jack Bauer doesn't need a translator; torture sounds the same in every language.

- If Jack Bauer were gay, he would be Chuck Norris

- Jack Bauer doesn't read a book. He tortures it until he has all the information he needs.

- Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.

- Jack Bauer can talk about Fight Club

- Jack Bauer doesn't get an erection, he sets up a perimeter in his pants.

- During a trip to Seattle, Jack Bauer heard grunge music for the first time and thought it sucked. 24 hours later, Kurt Cobain was dead.

- Jack Bauer once double-teamed a girl, by himself

- During a particularly intense interrogation session, Jack Bauer actually killed a man just by looking at him.

- When Jack Bauer cuts onions, the onions cry.
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