The Catsup Bottle!
Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of
the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked Little Johnny to answer
the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," Little Johnny said to his mother.
Turning back to the phone he added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
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Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my right knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?"
"98!" Johnson announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again.
Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!"
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flight attendant/reconstruction
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food
and drinks.As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be
landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed
and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your
trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I
take orders from no one."To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet- cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen,
so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
TX2Barb.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Subject: reconstruction
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing."We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement andannounced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde ? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."
Bubba and Junior are currently supervising the reconstruction of New Orleans
TX2AL
Dick
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GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.
